You know what's the best part of The New Guy is? An entire scene of Eliza Dushku changing from one bathing suit to the other and dancing!! I broke down and bought it.. only for her. Guess I'm crazy.. but that's nothing new. Normal for me in fact.

I spent an hour with Pao, while she is doing her laundry and I waited so we could go get some food. I hadn't really spent any time with her much lately, but then I haven't really spent any time with anyone, except Jamie. I actually detest human company right now. Pain just won't go away and I don't know what to do about it, except just lost myself in other people's fantasy world. I finally got the photo back from her though.. my final Senior Studio 801 project. Yup complete pic and if you ask, it is 6'8"X4'8" cover 1 section of a wall. My neck and fingers were thankful when I finished with it. Too bad it wasn't appreciated by the one person I made it for. Life... what else is new.

Tomorrow I have to remember to bring the DVD for Joe... Forgot to today.. I was just in daze.. lack of sleep tend to do that to ya..

Hey Elphaba nice new layout.. ^_^ I like it.

Listening : The Fear [ Trustcompany ]

Talked to my parents last night, seem that my sister is acting up, saying if I can go to school then so can she. Well, no one said that she couldn't, except she got nothing out of it. Learn absolutely nothing, thus no point of paying all that money so she could screw around, hanging out with her friends, not even learning the language to top that off. I told mom that if she wants to learn then by all means, but she since she learn absolutely nothing then sorry, if she wants to fuck it up that bad, let her. Dad pays for the car, and since she won't help out and won't listen then take it away, but of course mom won't let that happen. I told her that it's her life, she wanna go and piss it all away then it's her problem. She can't go out and spend money if she doesn't have any, mom won't go for that either, so I told her then I have no suggestion, except me beating the shit out of her and some sense into her. And not to be vague about this, I. WILL. Nothing annoy me more than my snort nose little sister thinks she's so clever when she's not. There're always pluses being older, power was one of the plus. Have a little brain to operate with ain't a bad thing. Really, it ain't. This is just stupid.

My jaw aches, it'll go away soon, but in the mean time it hurts! I don't remember who hit me, so.. well, it happens, sparring.. you expect to get hit some. I'm quite happy to be able to get under Sensei Lenny's guard. It was great!! Got Crying Freeman, I'll get Noir #2, unfortunately they were out of it, so it kinda bite. Oh well, tomorrow.. get some light, sheets, then work on SS project.

Well, learned of some news, and let's just say that just break whatever left of me. Guess this is it. Not much else I can do but leave. Maybe someday I won't feel anymore and then it'll be better. Now I'll just have to focus on school and training. Green belt now and they'll ride us hard, not that I mind, that's just how it should be. Next month there will be stick fighting seminar at Londonderry dojo.. think I'll take that. 4 hours, Sensei Lenny said, it'll be fun.

life is like a melody
sang deep within my soul
sang deep witin to me
all these chains that shackle me
they won't let me take control
they wanna take control of me
I've got to rise above my life
to find the reason I'm alive

I'll save myself
I'm all alone
I've opened my heart to
see there's nobody home
it's up to me
I'm on my own
the message of life
is turning facing the storm

life is filled with your memory
you were deep within my heart
you were deep with inside of me
with all this pain
that I'm wrapped around
if there's a heaven up above
I see the angels falling down

I've got to rise above my life
to find the reason I'm alive
I'll save myself
I'm all alone
I've opened my heart to see there's nobody home
it's up to me
I'm on my own
the message of life is
turning facing the storm.
[ Saliva | Storm ]

Listening : Rest In Pieces [ Saliva ]

look at me,
my depth perception must be off again
cause this hurts deeper than I thought it did
it has not healed with time
it just shot down my spine
you look so beautiful tonight
remind me how you laid us down
and gently smiled
before you destroyed my life

would you find it in your heart
to make this go away
and let me rest in pieces

look at me,
my dept perception must be off again
you got much closer than I thought you did
I'm in your reach
you held me in your hands

but could you find it in your heart
to make this go away
and let me rest in pieces
would you find it in your heart
to make it go away
and let me rest in pieces

I got Hellsing OST, don't know why I did, but I did, oh well. Just for the sake of having it I think.. just me.. Count Cain clear poster a few shitajiki... other than that.. my feet hurt, my shin hurts more. Hopefully I'll be fine on Monday... nope, can't miss karate.. the only thing that make me happy anymore.. Life suck...

I called my friend tonight.. a good thing I did too.. I miss her, I miss them. I have not been talking to anyone as much as I used to. I've been reading, thinking, brooding, and just generally messing around with my site.. I occupied myself with the blog marathon.. but now that it is up I'm trying to focus my energy and attention on my SS project. Kinda hard when I have no motivation, seems to be the theme for everyone I know now. I'm gonna have to force myself. Tomorrow I'll be moving stuff down here and get it over and done with. It's not like I'm moving anywhere, just from upstairs room to downstairs apartment.. I'd say that it is.. I'll have more space here. I need space. I need a lot of thing, wanting even more, but at least I get some of them...

ThanX Elphaba yeah, green belt will go well with green pants, except I don't have any. (are there green gi?? I never really see anyone with it.) It's nice to get to advance level, finally. Though, I'm moving up the rank fast, only because I go in 5 days a week. I put my time in.

Piper thanX, that was a nice one.. Anymore??

upset? understatement of the century, but then I've been avoiding the thinking, I don't want to think. No thinking, no feeling, stuff it all back inside put it away, pretend it doesn't exist and it might just go away eventually. In the mean time just got to grit my teeth and keep going like nothing is wrong. Because I've been thinking way too much, speak of it too little and, but that's just how it is. Upset? Well, can you be upset if you are not feeling anything and been kind of numb all the way through? Busy, keeping busy, the best way to go. The only way to go. Depressing much? Yeah well, what else is new, depression is my badge, after all (besides from bruises I got from training, of course) But then I've been told that before.

My good day turned right into dust, had it not hurt then I would've found it quite amusing. Definitely, I would.. just how much of a push-over for one person can I be. Maybe I'm stupid, lesson learned? Never. Same thing over and over again. Definition of insanity, do the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result. Is that me? I'm guessing. What do you do when there is no one to tell, no one that would understand anyway. Can't explain it, don't really understand it myself, everything that happened, everything that's been going on, it just is. Automatically except, no question. Just need a place to vent...

And still I burn, I burn for you.

once my lover now my friend
what a cruel thing to pretend
what a cunning way to condescend

once my lover and now my friend
oh, you creep up like the clouds
and you set my soul at ease
then you let your love abound
and you bring me to my knees

oh, it's evil, babe
the way you let your grace enrapture me
when will you know I'd be insane
to ever let that dirty game recapture me

you made me a shadowboxer, baby
I wanna be ready for what you do
I've been swinging all around me
'cause I don't know
when you're gonna make your move

oh, your gaze is dangerous
and you fill your space so sweet
if I let you get too close
you'll set your spell on me
so, darlin' I just wanna say
just in case I don't come through
I was on to every play I just wanted you

boy oh, it's so evil, my love
the way you've no reverence to my concern
so, I'll be sure to stay wary of you, love
to save the pain of once my flame
and twice my burn

you made me a shadowboxer, baby
I wanna be ready for what you do
I've been swinging all around me
'cause I don't know
when you're gonna make your move

[ Fiona Apple : Shadowboxer ]

GREEN BELT!!!!! I am a green belt now!!! WOOOOHOOO ... yeah!!! I was terrified that I wouldn't be able to do it, the test took about 2 hours.. and now it is over.. god I'm so glad.. now there will be so much more to learn and I'll be sitting on this belt for another.. oh I don't know 6 months.. depends on how everything goes.. But one thing down. Got Cable connection.. :) So it's nice.. don't have to tie up the phone line anymore.. think everyone is happy about that. Anyway... I'll still have to move stuff down here.. now most of my books are down.. though a few more things need to be moved. Oh well, weekend.. yeah.

Hey Elphaba did you get Cerulean Sin? I'm reading it right now.. It's pretty good so far.. as for sex.. there's more of it than ther other ones, but there is reason for it.. so I didn't mind too much.

Ok, this will show you just how js illiterate I am.. I'm looking for scrolling layer script, I have it, but I know that it is not compatible with some browser.. so if anyone know one that would be compatible with all or most, please point me in the right direction.. I'll be really grateful.. I've looked, but found none..

Again, Sunday night I just couldn't sleep then I pay the price Monday morning and afternoon. I was dead to the world from noon till 3:30, wish I could sleep like that at night.. not possible. No....... there is no way it would be that simple for me. Piper thanX for the suggestion, that was touching.. ^_^ I loved it. On the other note.. got Harry Potter and The Chamber of Secret. Didn't play with it yet though. I just made another hole on my cargo pants.. they are brand new but I like them a lot.. so I'm quite sad about it, I rarely find any pair of pants that I like. Time for some shopping I guess.

I had to go get my transcript to straighten my credits out, and well, I'd like to do that as soon as possible so all the credits could be use and transfer and such. So I went, filled out the form it costed frickin' $10!! I mean, come on! Spent all that money for school then you still have to pay for that final piece of paper every time you wanted 1!! I was gonna have it mail in, but I didn't have exact address for Art Office and the lady at the registra was saying that it might not get to where it should go to.. so I just told her to stick it into the envelop and I'll carry it. I brought it in for my advisor and he looked through and get some stuff straightened out, still I need to get another 4 to transfer for my Biology class w/ lab. I'll fill the damn partition out and then send it out. God, I hate my life.. stuff just so ... *groan* Oh well.... I'm tired.

So, I'm going on the next belt test, surprising.. maybe... they decided to put me on it cause the next one will be a long wait.. and we only have 1 combination to learn and 2 kenpos (of course a bunch of stuff on the side.. I have 2 of each animals.. and other stuff) And after today session I now have the intimate knowledge of the carpet.. (got taken down on my face a few times too many.. LOL )

I've decided to draw another dragon, big one.. with the color.. and pen and a lot of the trimming.. why, you ask... I don't know.. Just wanted to. ^_^

Blog marathoner plug for Jen Nice layout for Spike.. interesting color combination.. ^_^

I spent the entire afternoon today stripping off the wallpaper from my room.. yeah yeah yeah, it's so....... wallpaper.. yuck, but it's real light in color that I rarely pay attention to it anymore.. besides I couldn't be bothered.. LOL.. now I am changing it.. deciding on the paint, though it'll be a couple days before I can paint it.. cause I'm doing it in section.. too much crap in my room to be doing it all at the same time.. Well, tomorrow is another day

A few layout plugs for fellow Buffy marathoners... JD and Blink.

Sparring today was.. ok I guess, I wasn't into it.. I felt like I couldn't really go all out.. Of course I rarely do that anyway.. Nicole never sparred before so I was afraid that I might throw too hard a kick or punch.. give it a few classes.. and I'll probably kick her like I kicked Cat.. not a good thing.. she's still a whitebelt. Though I got wailed at while I was a white belt, but that was my choice.. I don't mind getting hit, as long as it was fair. Joe let me borrow his DVD and I let him borrowed 2 of mine.. well, I brought Noir and Petshop of Horrors for him.. I think he'll like Berserk better but it's not with me right now.. suck monkey butt. Oh well.. I might need to buy Hellsing again! Frickin' A!

Yes, layout for Blog Marathon.. ^_^ a few days early, but hey! Who's complaining?? I decided that it's time to stop tweaking it.

Elphaba at least you convinced Dru to help ya out.. Poking her with a stick might not be the best of ideas, you're right. What about stake??

You're the smirk,a frown-smile hybrid that's a
little bit cocky and usually associated with
evil or arrogant,but attractive people.You
probably just don't give a damn,but it's
everyone else's fault if you don't because
you're too awesome to have any real faults.


What Kind of Smile are You?
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