June 30, 2003

I feel fat.

Even with an hour of class 5 days a week, I feel fat.. I think it's the fact that I slept most of the day and be awake at night and by then I end up eating too late.. so no more food after 10, I wanted to say after 9, but by the time I get back home and settle down enough to actually eat, it usually almost 9, especially monday. Well, now it's niblets... no good.. I'll figure this out I guess...

I finished painting where I was told to paint, well 1st coat anyway... it needs second, but then I was told that I need to paint the back of the garage too.. so now there's more to paint.. and it's only 1st coat.. At least it was comfortable weather today, chance of rain tomorrow, that's what they said.. I don't feel like having any company. I just wanna be left alone for the most part and just read or play game. One of those mood, but no I'm not depress just detaste human company. I could do without having to talk to people.

Oh yeah, I got IMed by some 13 year old that thinks she's entitled to the screen name that I've had for 6 years. (yes, I've been on AOL for that long) The first time she IMed me I was out and left my comp running, second time I was being polite so I answer and bam! the first question came a/s/l, I think it's very rude, especially there was no normal superficial pleasantries. (you know, hello, how are you.. stuff like that ) Since I think it's rude, I told her as much (no I didn't said hey it's rude.) I told her that before she go around asking things like that shouldn't she be offering her own information. I've always maintain that I will not ask people things that I am not willing to tell them. And she told me she's 13.. so I told her my age and she said that she didn't think so. I told her it's none of her concern anyway.

That was the first, to be honest. Never once I chatted with stranger and they think that I'm younger than I said I am, normally they go for older, only because the way I worded things, you'd be surprised how old they think I am.

Anyway, she didn't seem to understand what I was trying to tell her without having to tell her. Then I just ignored her, the only thing I can do considering the circumstance. Again she IMed me, telling me she wanted my SN and now she had to settle for a different one.. (just change the number at the end) I told her that I've had this for 6 years, she said 'yeah, right.' So I proceed to ignore her again, she asked if I was going to sign off or block her, I said neither, I will simply go about my business. I said to her did she not think that she is being rude, she said nope, so I said mentality of a 13 year old, of course.

Funny how she thinks that she is entitled to the SN that I've been using for so long. She's 6 years too late for that. Besides why would she want the name so bad when she didn't know what it means?

Ok, I finished my ranting for now... Just that it aggravated me how rude it was, I don't remember ever being like that when I was 13, or even younger. My parents just won't let me get away with that, oh wait, I don't let me get away with that.

Another thing, I write more.. but seems like I don't write enough. No happy medium for me here. I got a little more of story Different Light on Slayers' Dreams It's fanfic, uber, B:tVS/Cruel Intentions, yeah well, not the most original thought.. but I think I can pull it off.. maybe.

Bed now... eye hurts... fire bad, tree pretty...

June 28, 2003

I'm tired, don't know why when I didn't do much today... well, I would understand if I sparred today, but we didn't have sparring, they got the test, Sensei Al decided that since a lot of kids don't show up for sparring anyway it's more of a convenient to have the test on friday night during the sparring time. Anyway, I went to the mall to see Bona.. and well, she wasn't there, I was 15 min late.. she'll be busy for the next mont. Saw her mom though. I got Petshop of Horror today.. you know, sometimes it kinda suck that I read so fast.. 'cause before you knew it you were done. Think I'm gonna go now..

June 25, 2003

Finally, I got the new layout of Morpheus up. I got the layout done a few days ago, but had no motivation to put it up whatsoever. Me getting lazy. Class earlier today was fun, and I mean fun. A few kids showed up to make up the lost class.. (I'm guessing they usually come once a week and so.. they are making that up) So we had everyone from Junior black belt (2 of them) 2nd degree black belt (Kevin) 2 green, 1 blue, 2 brown, 2 purple, 2 orange.. (I think.. or was that 1??) When we were done, Sensei Al came over to me and told me that Kevin (sensei) was impressed that I got my techniques down (and if not I improvised..) and more aggressive with it.. (hey, I have to get all my aggression out somehow) Which made me feel really good. ( sensei al : that made me feel good.)

Oh yeah, Sensei Natalie, Al, Estella, got their stripes (4th, 3rd, 3rd in that order) Zack got his black, Bob got his black, Luke got his black. Congratulations!

June 23, 2003

Ya know, for the lack of better thing to do.. I took the quiz.. I don't remember if I did it before or not.. but well, hehehe

Which Hellsing character are you?
Ok, I'm done with Harry Potter and the Order of Phoenix. I won't say anything here, cause I know a lot of people don't like spoiler. Now I'll go watch X:Four. Got it yesterday, didn't touch it cause I was reading. Now that the reading is done.. though I wish there was more to read.. I can go watch that.

StarStreak : I didn't see the comment till tonight.. sorry about that. Thank you for the compliment, I'm in love with the layout right now (yeah I know, weird that I'm in love with the layout I made.. sounds a little.. um... well, can't find the word..) I like yours as well.. and I did mention it before.. pretty blue. ^_^

June 21, 2003

Jen : me? I lived the north of Boston.. well, I'm closer to NH than to Boston (like a street or so away from NH border) not that it's that far away.. LOL.. I still can hop on the train from Andover (or Lawrence or Haverhill.. ) ^_^ When I go to Newbury St. I usually walk from one end to the other, and make a few stops at the stores along the way. It's a nice place to be on a nice day, of course it's been raining and stuff.. Last time I went to Victor Hugo Ave. they were unpacking still.. I couldn't find horror section!

Back to reading Harry Potter...
Well, today I got the nunchuck form. Not that I remember anything 5 minutes after I was done.. will take more than 1 lesson, I know. It's the footwork.. I couldn't remember if I swing it up before turn or turn before.. oh well.

We were at B&N till about 1:20AM.. got Harry Potter and the Order of Phoenix. I know.. there was a line.. but I got the book anyway so who cares. I'll be reading that for the next day or so.. (I tend to just bury my nose in the book and don't put it down) Anyway, I'm looking for that song, I wish I can hear the lyric clearly, that way I can search it with the lyric, but all I got is .. 'I am the only way to go, I am the way to the future.' This just bugs me.

June 20, 2003

Listening : Fray [ Staind ]

Tomorrow, rain, more rain, yeah, I think we have enough of that, but whatever. I got a weapon lesson tomorrow at 5. Other than that, nothing. I guess I should write more..

I got this mix of Buffy clips with a song.. and I knew the song, I swear it's time like this that I wanna bang my head against something, cause I know that I knew the song.. but I couldn't remember the title of it. It bugs me. I hate that.

She is back. Saying I never call I never write. I stopped calling a long time ago.. and write? Forget it.. didn't bother her before don't tell me it does now. Cause it'll just be a big f---king lie. Asking for update like we're still friends. I almost tell her that with all those friends she loves so much why don't she ask them to look those up for her instead of asking the nobody here. It's like the more I do for her, the less I mean to her. We teach people how to treat us, I was told, but I know I can throw all the tantrum I want, all she would do was hang up the phone and that's it. She won't be reached unless she wanted to be, so I can be mad and whiny and all of that and more, won't matter. All or nothing, I'm not settling.

'miles to go, little Miss Muppet counting down from severn-three-oh.'

June 18, 2003

Listening : Understanding [ Evanescence ]

I'm guessing that people are on vacation seeing how there were only 3 of us in class today. But hey, it was kinda like this too last summer. I have no life so I guess that didn't really bother me that I'm in everyday.

Elphie : what happened to akaiCHOUdotORG? I went there and all I got was can't find website.

Apparently, the whole 'fighting' to keep me around is over. Nice to see that I meant that much. Say.. a couple of days? Nothing's change, I can see that.

'fifteen hours and twenty three minutes
the amount of time it takes for love to truely die'
-Wlfgrl [ Wild ]

June 16, 2003

Listening : The Odyssy [ Orgy ]

Jen : Sasuga is my favorite.. I rarely go to Boston these days, occasionally I feel like it and I jump on the train and go.. There's so many things I want in that store and not enough money to get them! Have you been to the bookstore on Newbury St.? Victor Hugo Ave. I love that place, being surrounded by that many books... it was just.. wow.

Karen : ThanX, glad you like the layout. I'm in love with it right now!

I just set up the time for a private lesson for nunchuck... I didn't forget anything that Sensei Al and Lenny taught me, it just that, I've been doing it by myself and if I did something wrong I have no way of knowing that it was wrong, so ya know.. you can only do so much by youself before you need someone else to take a look and tell you if it was ok.

Today Sensei Al and Sensei Natalie went to the other dojo to work out. Sensei Al is going for his 3rd stripe, and I think Sensei Natalie is going for her 4th. Anyway, so we got Michelle (sensei) to teach us instead, I've never seen her before in my life, so I walked in there and I looked around and just thought to myself, where is Sensei Al? Sensei Natalie?? And who are you??? It was fun though, I like her. So, it's all good, we were doing some different drill. Doing form with just kicks.. (damn was that confusing) 1 Pinan with different strike (anything but front to knuckle) and then do 1 Pinan then half way changed to 2. It's cool though, it's all good. They liked to call out weird little curve ball at us when we're on the test, so it'll help.

Now I gotta get a shower... *sniff* don't smell so good.. (j/k I don't smell anything but my shirt is soak with sweat.)

*cause it's better than nothing, now that control is gone, it's seem unreal, she's dreaming in digital*

June 15, 2003

Listening : Numb [ Linkin Park ]

Ok, new layout! Yay!!! Finally, I know I said I'll do a series of Faith ( Eliza Dushku ) but it felt wrong that I made layout of Faith and no Buffy at all. Yeah it is Sarah Michelle Gellar.. ^_^ Anyway, I like how it come out.

June 13, 2003

I just got done updating the layout of Rogue Sanctuary now it is done. For those who do not know what it is, it is my Ivanova/Talia fanfiction index. (any B5 fan??) I finally come up with a new layout.. and so.. I did it, got it done, update the links and such. Next in line is Morpheus and this one.. not neccessarily in that order. Depends on which I can come up with first.

Well, someone is desperate... I mean, what different does it make when she didn't really give a shit before, not that I'm gone she wants me back. I know I'll cave in, but in the mean time, I won't make it easy. I had not be down right rude, so she should be happy about that. Actually, due to my upbringing, I rarely rude to anyone, if ever. I'm overly polite and accomodating even when I don't feel like it. Though I'm real good at ignoring people I don't care for. Anyway, we'll see what happen.

June 10, 2003

I got the Witch Hunter Robin DVD, finally. I know I could've load it somewhere, but until I can figure out where I can get the drive for DIVx decompressor.. no chance of that happening. Anyway, I prefer to see it on TV and not comp screen anyway. I'm such a spoiled brat. But at least I don't drink, smoke or party. Anyway, I'm gonna go look for food then watch it after this.

June 09, 2003

Listening : Faceless [ Godsmack ]

Got my digital cam. My first image is... Hellsing I made this.. to go on my wall. I love cutting, to be honest. The feel of the sharp blade gliding over the paper, I mean you can tell if the blade wasn't sharp enough. I think that's why I love the process so much, I get to cut the contact paper which is pretty thin, and try not to go too deep into the matboard cause I'll be peeling off the top layer of the board out otherwise. I enjoy it, and it looks crisp and clean when it is done. Quite the opposite of my drawing that usually involve lots of sketch lines and stuff.. I mean, it looks kinda messy. I think it's the fact that I don't need to be committed to 1 single line helps. Anyway, I'll be taking lots of pic I guess, just not of me.
Listening : Understanding [ Evanescence ]

Ok, I'm playing catch-up with the writing and stories, ya know. What else for me to do but this. I write too.. so.. Slayers' Dreams is where I keep this one. Just a shortie, kinda sweet.. ( a bit too sweet, but you know...) I have enough time for the depressing one later and also working on Ivanova/Talia uber one, if anyone is wondering.

Oh yeah a plug for
Elphie. Like the new layout, cute!!

tell me you'll live through this and I will die for you.'

June 08, 2003

I need to know if you were real
'cause I've been known to get it wrong
When the memory comes
I'll say I'm always in the dark
You got me now

I want to give you back
somewhere out of here
I want to give you
I want to give you back

I can't remember how it went
You looked like everything I wanted
And as you came along
slowly everything began to change
I got you now

That's enough
just talking about it
I don't mind
I don't mind, no I
laugh enough
just dreaming about it

I need to know if you were real
I'd hate to think that I'd been fooled again
And as the vision fades
I'll say I was blinded by your eyes
I felt them burn

Somewhere out of here
You gotta get on out of here
Get on out of here

I finally finished that Hellsing thing, took this long only because I didn't wanna have to cut a small piece out of my matboard when I knew that I have some statch somewhere, watch in a day or two I'll find 10 pieces of 8"x8" matboard. That's just annoying. Anyway.. sunday, not doing anything. I'll just lay back and play game.

June 06, 2003

My thumb kinda hurt now. Don't know how that happen, anyway, I painted the rest of the shed.. now only 1 side will need to be put on a second coat. I think I wear it more than I put it on, but hey! I think I'm getting the digital cam this weekend. I'll see the sale.. LOL.. not that it'll make any diffrent if I want it now I'll get it now. I've been putting that off cause someone said she gonna get me one and she promised me that she did, but you know something, I don't think she ever did. Just one more lie to top it all off. Anyway, since that didn't happen. I'm getting one myself. I'll just have to remember to never ask anyone for anything. Never get anything from anyone anyway. (too many any???) Ok, now I better figure out how to set up the damn guestbook, been putting it off for far too long.. and yeah who said anything about me being good at this stuff??? Nope, not me..

June 05, 2003

Listening : Robin [ WHRobin OSS ]

I'm working on a 32"x24" 12 pieces Hellsing illustration. It's a cut out contact paper, figure for the lack of better things to do (well, I could write.. but I couldn't concentrate.. ) And I wanna do something for an empty wall of my room. So there.. It is an image of Integra Wingate Hellsing and Seras Victoria. I got the first 5 done. Ran into a tiny bit of problem, but I worked that out. I can't wait to get Sarah Michelle one back. Wish Tudor would just hurry it up.

June 04, 2003

I'd give anything to give myself to you
Can you forget the words that you thought you knew
If you want me,
Come and find me
Nothing's stopping you so please release me

I'll believe
All your lies
Just pretend you love me
Make believe
Close your eyes
I'll be anything for you

Have you left to make me feel anymore
Theres only you and everyday I need more
If you want me
Come and find me
I'll do anythng you say just tell me

Anything for you
All without your hurt inside
Will ever never die
I'll be, everything you need

[ Evanescence | Anything For You ]

June 03, 2003

Saw Wrong Turn, wow! I'll be wary of back roads for weeks!

I spent last night making a bunch of MD, didn't touch it for a while and now I have a bunch of song to go on it. I spent the afternoon painting the shed, not done yet and it's gonna rain tonight and tomorrow, nice huh. Gotta love it here.

June 01, 2003

Listening : Half-Pain [ Bana ]

Talked to my mom earlier tonight.. (not real early, but you know what I mean) and I really wanna go home. 7 years.. long enough I think and I have another one to go. God.. and people wonder why I fucking brood. I would call grandpa and talk to him except I wouldn't know what to talk to him about, beside I hate it when they start asking when I'll be going home. It's not like I don't want to, I do, I really do. But until I'm done with school, I'm not. I'm not dropping a little over $1000 to go home either.. besides I was told once by a friend that it's harder to leave the second time.. not on her, but her mom. And I can see that happened with mom and dad. I'd rather not have to drop that much money (which by the way, is theirs) and make them feel bad when I leave. I mean they won't say anything, but I hate seeing mom cry. Worst I hate leaving.

I'm getting Witch Hunter Robin on ebay. Heard good things about it, so I figure I'll give it a shot. Now I still need to pick up a few DVDs. Probably 1 at the time. I'm getting digital cam too, I think. Need one.. now that I found I have a hell of a time trying to get my stuff into portfolio and I hate to get the entire roll of film done before I can get that. Thus a lot of my stuff didn't get recorded that way.. At the moment I'm playing with the one my aunt lets me borrow.

'are you aware of what you make me feel, baby
right now I feel invisible to you, like I'm not real'