Status: feeling shitty
Listen: ---

I'm home alone tonight
full moon illuminates my room, and sends my mind aflight
I think I was dreaming up some thoughts that were seemingly
possible... with you
so I call you on the tin can phone
we rendezvous at a quarter-two, and make sure we're alone
I may have found a way for you and I to finally fly free
when we get there, we're gonna go far away
making sure to laung; while we experience anti-gravity
for years, I kept to myself
now potentialities are bound, and sleeping under my shelf
simply choose your destination from the diamon canopy
and we'll be there
so I call you on the tin can phone
we rendezvous at a quater-two, and make sure we're alone
I may have found the way for you and I to finally be free.

[ Incubus: Summer Romance ]

Status: a bit tired
Listen: just the tv

Karate class today was good, I learn the kenpo A-B, finally. I think I'm gonna bruise, but that's all right. My dad called this morning but I wasn't here, I think he'll call back tonight, or maybe tomorrow night. I don't know. Still hadn't talk to Chris, she better call me back soon, I'm starting to get pissy. And she needed to check her damn mail. Not that I can tell her to do it, she isn't going to listen to me. Well, I'm tired, tomorrow other than the bruises, my shoulder will probably hurt too. I'm still watching Card Captor Sakura, I'm down to the last disc now, though it'll be quite a few more days before I can finish it.

Status: sitting around
Listen: nothing really...

I got up and went to karate today, Sensei Natalie was there, it was fun, she let us spar for a while, like 15 min.. When she started the sparring session again I will probably try and it's a very good way to sweat it all off. I talked to Psy for almost an hour today and what do I learn?? Well, quite a bit, but will I remembre to do it, I don't know. I have no idea why it was Chris and not someone else. I was told by D that 'I' was a good catch, but I'm not looking to be caught, or catch anyone. I think I prefer to be by myself most of the time. When my mom knows that when I go home my friend might come with me, all she said was..are you sure? I know you can't be bothered. And until that point I didn't think of that. Of how I can not spend the entire day, and I mean every moment in a day with one person.. I require to be alone for a certain lenght of time each day. I think Mr. Lynch understood this. He also thinks that I could spent half a month at Chris's house because I get to spend the first half of the day by myself, and that's probably true. I do get lonely sometimes, but not enough for me to afraid to be by myself. Solitude is good for your mental health.

Status: fulled, a bit sticky...
Listen: Predisposed [ Ill Nino ]

Chris called today, out of the blue, and then she said that this week had been less shitty than last and she will call me back later.. (what's the point of calling to tell me that??!?!?) She was still at work.. I never understand that, but then I don't really understand her.. I'm looking for Mobius's pic, I wanna get back to colored pencil a bit.. while I still want to. ^_^ I'm working, well, probably for about 3-4 weeks.. I just want enough money to cover karate lesson for a year, and that's it.. (that or enough to spend while Chris and Angie are in town... IF they ever gonna come) It was boring, of couse I work as a temp.. the worse part was the repeticious of the whole thing.. same thing over and over again.. my aunt kept calling and asked how it was.. and I told her it was boring.. (what did she expect??) then she said what do you expect it to be like going to the movie?? (in that sacastic tone) she doesn't get it... I do work, not here, but I worked for my father, it was different, why can't people get it through their skulls? No less hard, just different and most people don't have the comprehension of how hard and tiresome it could be, they only see the glamour. Precious metal still metal.. they're fucking heavy all the same!! Different between the two is that one has more responsibility attatched the other don't have as much. (BAGA!!) I would never have to work in any kind of business that own by other people for a living.

Ok, imagine you're 7 years old (I was) and then you start working in the store, doing just about everything that you were told.. including lifting stuff.. (little by little.. gosh, my parents won't torture me like that) and worked all the way up till you were 16, then you were sent away for school.. Ever fell asleep while you're standing?? I have... dropped right to my knees. I think the fact that my parents don't scold me for doing stuff put her off. Like karate class.. I wanna take it, my dad agreed like that *snapped finger* she thinks it's a waste of money, but it's not her money to waste. *rolled eyes*

My parents are just happy I keep myself healthy... and it's either karate or gym.. and gym will be a waste of money. My mom might question that a bit, but it'll ultimately be under my own discretion. I know I sounded like a spoiled kid.. I'm spoiled but I'm not a brat. I do stuff, cost money, but I don't party, I don't do drugs.. hell I don't even drink or smoke. I spend money on books, movies, and a bit of toys, mostly movie. Last semester I spent more on artsupplies than anything else, and she thinks I use so much money.. she doesn't even understand what I'm taking at school. I spent more time at school than anything else.. every weekend.. and the week before final I stayed at school till 1am to finish up stuff.. I smelled like oil paint, ink got on my clothes.. my hands smelled like rubber gloves.. can't get any worse.. (oh yeah, my brand new sneakers got red pulp splashed on one side.. I nearly scream) Oh well, I guess I will clean them up later.

Status: chocolate milk.. ummmmmmmmm
Listen: the TV babbling

I was driving this morning, turned to the highway and there was a red car.. with the licence plate '2-blue' cracked me up, let me tell you. If it was a blue car it'd be really cool, but well.. 2 blues don't make red. (Ok, I don't make any sense) I skipped my karate class today, got up.. got dressed, drove all the way there, then thought I left something on.. and so I drove back home.. (it was almost 6pm when I got there) well, it turned out that I didn't but I was too tired, anyway. I'll go to the class on Sat at noon. I've decided that I will make it to at least 3 classes each week.. while I still can when school start I won't be able to make to that many, though I will try (I'll make at least 2, cause I did pay for those.) Chris hadn't called me at all, and it was the third time she said she'll call me back. I have the vision of 'Kimmi' situation in the back of my mind, and I don't like it. I doubt I have the saying in the whole thing, since it'll be none of my business, however I will not be around to see the end of anything this time. Like I said before, if it happens again, I WILL LEAVE. I can not and will not submit myself to that again. Already one time too many. First time is bad enough, second time will be worse than a torture and when I leave, this time it'll be for good. I don't think she will care either way, she can always find someone else. I was sitting at lunch and someone walked by, I only saw an arm, but for some reason I was reminded of my dad. Kinda funny, though at the time I really missed my parents, really weird cause I don't think about it too much. I had a full day today.

Status: ready for bed
Listen: She Loves Me Not [ Papa Roach ]

Ok, today was my first real class, it was great! I'll be in tomorrow too, and then Wed. I think I can make it at least 3 times a week, at least for now. When school start it'll be different. I think I pull something my leg hurts a bit, but it'll be better tomorrow. Well, I think I'll go watch Harry Potter, got it today, I liked that movie, so.. :) My feet feel better. We got really heavy thunder storm this morning, it was kinda early for that kinda storm, you'd expect it later in the summer, but it's been really crazy lately, guess you can't really expect anything.

Status: my feet kinda hurt
Listen: ---

Went to Aquarium today, loved the giant tank... it wasn't that big of a place, but I still love it. Saw sharks, a bunch of big fishes.. *G* Then went to Porter Sq. check out the Japanese bookstore and found X The Perfect Book.. and Utena illustration book and Berserk artbook, Bastard too.. want them!!! But I didn't have enough money.. I'll go back to it some other time. We walked all over the place, like we usually do. My feet are killing me now.. if they dont' feel better by tomorrow I'll have to take something for it before I go to Karate class. Can't be running around with my feet feeling like this. Chris pissed me off.. well, she seems happy with her new friends.. and I'm being a bitch so.. I'll just leave her alone, besides.. I don't wanna be driving myself crazy over this anymore.

only a game we used to play
little tin soldiers after school
you had to win and I would say
'now that I'm dead you've lost your fool'

I can hear you laughing
wasn't I your favourite toy?

only a life you threw away
maybe you always played that game
did you believe your luck would stay?
didn't you stand too near the flame?

I can hear you laughing
I was just your favourite toy

I can hear you laughing
wasn't I your favourite toy?

only a feeling since you've gone
I'm not alone quite like before
if it's the game we played so long
don't wanna lose it anymore

I can hear you laughing
I am still your favourite toy

[ Michael Cretu: Your Favourite Toy ]

Status: troubled
Listen: nothing..

Ok, so I got a call from Chris today and she proceeded to tell me all about her week, which of course did not include me. Shouldn't expect it to be anyway since she couldn't bother to call. She got some new friends, guess I was just a favorite toy. Oh well, life goes on, right? Anyway, depressed me even before my day start. I've decided that I'll withhold the karate thing from her, I don't think she cares to hear about my day anyway, so what's the point. I guess Psy was right, I wear depression like a badge, but when people I considered friend didn't care to bother with me I have a reason to be doing that. And now I wonder why I don't really care to consider any of this before. I was content, can't say I was completely happy, but I was content, I don't look for more of anything, don't expect anyone, hell I rarely touch the phone, except when my parents call. Amazing that one person could do this to me. Maybe someday I'll be able to go back there, and forget all of this ever happen. Good and bad.

Status: a bit tired... and don't know why
Listen: just the tv

I can feel the muscle being worked out from yesterday, on one hand it's kinda annoying cause it lets me know that I've been really out of shape, and on the other hand... it's kinda comforting that they got stretched. I don't think my aunt gets it. I want to take this for me, and she doesn't understand why I would want to spend my money on it. But hey, I can compare this to her visits to casino, it's what she wants to do and this is what I want to do, the different being karate will be good for me, casino just sucks up her money.

More on Nightline, I'm still watching it, though it's kinda sad to know that some parents would throw their kids out for something they can't control, like sexuality and expect them to ultimately change that by cutting them off, like punishment. It's a pity that people stop seeing a person as an individual as soon as their sexual preferences are not the 'norm' and seeing them only for their preferences then labled them. And as for those who use religion as a justification to condemn other people. That's just wrong, all I can say is, religion teach people to love and not hate, of course there are always those who interpreted the message differently and made it to fit their own agenda or whatever, what is different is wrong. Then again, correct me if I'm wrong, but religions have been use for the justification to start wars (look at the crucade.) I'm not historian though, any thought? But all that said, this is just my two cents.

I'm completely down-to-earth!

Find your soul type at kelly.moranweb.com.

You are the most in touch with knowledge. It's the tree of life from which you tap the sap. You know what you want and you know how to reasonably get it.

Virtues: You respect people with plans. When someone has their head on their shoulders, you know that they can see straightforward and keep their eyes on the mark. When it comes to looking at the future, you take a logical approach: what's within your ability? A fortunate attribute that you have is the ability to set a goal for yourself, higher than maybe you feel possible, but still keep yourself within reasonable bounds. You take the time to appreciate those surrounding you and they do appreciate you in return. Decision-making comes naturally to you when you take the time to consider each option. People only come to talk to you when they are looking for a logical, reasonable solution.

Aspirations: You have an idea of what you can do with your life, but you push it up a notch. You need a profession that you can enjoy, so work towards it. You want to live near your friends and family while being as far away as possible. You also want to settle down while working in excitement and variation.

Quirks: You don't appreciate drama queens and they don't appreciate you. When they need help, they won't seek you out because of your ability to see through their overly dramatic predicaments. You have leeway for humor, and sometimes love to participate in it, but when it becomes irrational behavior, others can count you out. Loud noises are bothersome, except when they come from you or your friends.

Factors: Reach for the sky! Don't decide to do something because you're merely good at it, but choose something you might like to do, despite whether you're sure you can master it or not. Don't only save room for a few empathetic friends, but open up to everyone.

Future: When looking for a job, if you work in all of your talents (logic, decision-making, planning, and definitely humor), you'll find yourself happy. Come to a compromise for location; live nearby your friends and take periodic vacations or live farther away and take frequent return trips.

Status: aggravated
Listen: TV

Ok, I was watching Nightline last night and they were talking about homosexual and if it's a choice... to me I don't think it is. Who in the world would choose to be something that would just make their lives hundred times more difficult than it has to be? And all those people that keep saying that even though you feel it you shouldn't act on it, ok... because you say so? Personally I think whatever you do behind a close door in your own home shouldn't be anyone else's business. How many people that forced themselves to live the life the way that society considered the 'norm' and just be very miserable until they can't do it anymore. Anyway, that just depressing. I wish the show was longer and cover a lot more, unfortunately it wasn't.

ATM machine sucks!! That's all I got to say.

sky
darkening
clouding up
rain
droplets fell against my face
cool my fevered skin
penetrating

I'm shaking...
it's getting cold
wet to the core...
but my inside's burning..

I should've learn
I should've shut you out
you hurt me once before
and yet I let you in again
stupidly
thinking it'll be different

rain
cold against my skin
shuddering
shaking
can't stop
hard as I tried, I can't stop
and my inside burn

you hurt me again
why?
the better question is
why not?
I never learned
won't ever learn
and still I burn

Status: drinking coke
Listen: nothing, just NYPD Blue

I took this quiz..




What Snack Food are YOU? Click here to find out!

But anyway, I went and checked out the Karate place, didn't join in, there were only 3 kids in there today.. (there were more yesterday) and since I didn't make it to the beginning of the class, I didn't jump in and besides that... I didn't dress for it.. I'm still in my larger than usual pair of Structure's pants. I can fit in M, but decided I want something more loose.. and I got it!.. lol. Anyway, they're really comfortable and I love them.

Status: a bit tired
Listen: One Night In Bangkok [ Murray Head ]

I should be in bed, but school's over so I don't have the need to get up early or go to bed early, though I feel that I'm getting sick... my throat's kinda scratchy right now. Anyway, I'm kinda annoyed with Chris right now. I sent her 2 packages as per her request, I know for a fact that she received one of them already, the one I spent extra to have it overnight (not like I'm gonna get the money back, but that's not the point) and she could've at least told me that she got it. I called and her mom even promised me she'll tell her to call, no such luck! No one tells Christine to do anything, she'll just do whatever she well damn please. Oh well, I joked to her mom that she probably just doesn't like me, her mom was saying that it wasn't the case, and it sounded like she was about to say more, but she didn't, kinda weird, but hey what do you expect from your friend's parent, right. Anyway, I'm just annoyed over that. And the package she said she send to me, that one probably never going to get here either. I already know the drill. I lost count of how many time she said she sent me something and I never get any of them. Come to think of it, I never got my birthday presents from over a year ago and last year and also this year... (ok so I got those Crying Freeman comics, but that's it.) No christmas present either, guess I know how much I meant to her. Just words.

Status: just got out of shower
Listen: The Unchosen one [ Vertical Horizon ]

I've decided that I'm going to take that Karate class that I've always wanted to take. At first I thought about Taekwondo, but for some reason, Karate held more appeal to me, granted Chris takes Taekwondo, that doesn't mean I want to take that (though if there wasn't any karate class around to take I'll probably go for it) Same with the watch.. she likes her Fossil, I dislike the thing.. Anyway, it's not about her, it's about me. I picked up my stuff from school today, got AB for the fairytale got BC for the course, not bad really considered how little effort I put into it, except the fairytale, which I've written, the popups that took me 2-3 trials to get 'em up like they should, and also the chrome mirror paper that I burned the edges to go with the deckle edges on the papers... which stung the whole room and also the rubber cement that just gave me headaches. Well, it's over now and I'm glad. Tomorrow I'll go into the place and try 1 class, though I'm taking it, w or w/o the trial. I wanted to.

I am 20% evil. Take the test :: koolplace.com

Status: it's near bedtime.. =D
Listen: the tv droning as usual

god why you want to play with me
can't you see I'm tumbling down
and like your favorite toy
boy, I'm tired of being thrown around

you lead me through this life of complication and delusion
so you drop it in my lap and slap me back towards confusion
when it's so hard to decide whether to live or die in this destiny
tell me what would you say if at the end of the day it was just you and me

smile away the fear that only seem to run me around
so you open up the door then the floor came crumbling down
I've only one or two dreams there worth losing
but they're unraveling, traveling down the road to ruin

and the harder I try the more I slip and slide through this fantasy
all by myself I need your help to perservere
but the same conclusions always greet me at my door
wouldn't it be nice to fade away
and maybe one day you will show me what went wrong
how did I become the unchosen one

so when the rain just around my corner
throw some sunshine down my way
and I'll hit your with a smile all the while my worries melt away

so won't you show me a sign as I continue to climb up this reality
all by myself I need your help to perservere
and the same conclusions always greet me at my door
wouldn't it be nice to fade away
and maybe one day you will show me what went wrong
so how did I become the unchosen one

[ Vertical Horizon: The Unchosen One ]

Status: drinking
Listen: Same Drug [ Cold ]

My dad should call me late tonight, he did last night, but I was otherwise occupied... I called him back, but unfortunately he went upstair to take a nap and there was my mom, not that I don't wanna talk to my mom, but there are stuffs she doesn't know and only my dad does, so I need to talk to him about them, other than that she just asked if I was ok, if I'm sick ya know.. mom's stuff. Ok, now decisions... katare? taekwondo? what do you think? Which one? I'm more incline to take karate.. don't ask me why, besides it's closer drive. (not by much, but closer nonetheless) I'm having my coca cola and I'm quite happy now.

Monou Fuuma Formerly kind and a good friend, you've become a rather twisted person, with a love for blood and tears. But that's okay, because you're far more interesting, and your sadistic personality leads to loads of yaoi fun. You've also got a soft side, and occasionally decide to show it. Being able to sense people's wishes comes in handy too. You're generally pretty easy going, despite being a very obvious teenage sadist. Take the "Which Dragon Of Earth Are You!" test! by Maduin & Kira

Status: cold *brrrrrrrr*
Listen: nothing..

Well, new layout, it's about time anyway, and this is to stretch my creativity a little bit, final is over! I added a few new links other than that, will have to wait till tomorrow.. bed soon.. :)

Take the Which Utada Hikaru Song Are you? Quiz!

Status: a little cold
Listen: my MD

Well, it's finally over!!! I didn't do good at all on the exams, I think, but all I wanted is to pass them and that's it, so I don't really care. Anyway, it was raining this morning when I got up to go to school, I got home it was still raining, I took a nap... and guess what!! It SNOW!!! This is May, people, and it was snowing outside!!! Chris would just love this, I'm sure of it.

Status: just got back from school
Listen: nothing

Ok I don't think I did good on the exam, wait.. actually I know I didn't do good on the exam, I couldn't remember anything, I've spent so much time on the Baroque and not enough on 19th and 20th century. Oh well, as long as I get C in the course I don't care. I'm doing my laundry now, so I won't be going anywhere for the next hour or two. Well, tomorrow is science exam but I think I'll do something else before I start study for it. *yuck*

Status: confused
Listen: Predisposed [ Ill Nino ]

contemplating things in front of me,
I can't really see what I should do next
three different kind of knives
scissors
brush and glue

I'm building something
I'm making...

a book
a book of fairytale

first page

Once upon a time...

my fantasies...
my fairytales

wrote them down
wrote them backward
weren't meant to be read

maybe someday
maybe someway

once upon a time...

Status: watching something
Listen: With You [ Ill Nino ]

Fun! today I will spend putting the book together.. and before that I will have to run out and get some supplies.. (ya know.. 3M satin tapes and stuff..) Still debating if I wanna add the popup castle.. it'll be really nice but difficult. Anyway, gotta eat first.

Mirror, mirror on the wall....

Are you Addicted to the Internet? 56% Average@Internet-User.com (41% - 60%) You seem to have a healthy balance in your life when it comes to the internet and life away from the computer. You know enough to do what you want online without looking like an idiot (most of the time). You even have your own Yahoo club or online journal! But you enjoy seeing your friends and going out to enjoy life away from your computer. The Are you Addicted to the Internet? Quiz at Stvlive.com!

mirror
mirror on the wall
tell me all that I need to know

reflections
a face
blue eyes
white smile

am I dreaming?
who is the person looking back
tell me

mirror
mirror on the wall
tell me all that I need

to know
who she is
those eyes

that smile
was it meant for me?
or I am just seeing what I wished to see

realities
illusions
the thin line faded
seeing nothing
hearing nothing

mirror
mirror on the wall
tell me all that I need

will she see me?
when she look into the mirror
will her reflection be me

can you tell me
can you show me

can you show

her...

mirror
mirror on the wall

Status: getting sleepy
Listen: nothing

Just finished with the 3D project, like I said before, they're not going to like it, but at the point, it's too late to do anything about it. And I finally figure out how to print the fairytale out. I wanted it to print out in mirror image, it wasn't meant to be read anyway. Though I'm pretty sure they will try. I can write that way by hand, but that would just take too much time, more time than I'd like to spend on this. I'd rather be making the rest of the book than spending time writing the story out, even though it wasn't long. I might put it here, though I wanted to say this. I've read a story somewhere, in a form of fairytale, and now that I can't find it anymore I used whatever part of the story that was left in my memory and write this. It's not same, but similar. I like the concept of the mirror as a lot of people that know me would agree.

Status: just pricked my finger with the needle *ouch!*
Listen: the TV droning on

Ok, I just pricked my finger twice. I'm actually putting together the paper sculpture, they won't like it, but I'm out of creative energy. Chris is coming!!! I'm quite happy at the prospect of seeing her and being able to hang out with her. I mailed out her stuff today and it should get to her in the next 2-3 days... and as I stated before.. it's not FAIR! I never get stuff in 2-3 days.. always longer. Postal Service doesn't like me. I have to get back to the paper now. Oh and I got the commenting system.. compliment of YACCS

Status: just contemplating life...
Listen: Star Gate on USA Network

I'm making the plan for the artist book, and I'm not the only one that didn't get them all finished. I'm trying to get the story to pan out over 10 pages... which is not the hardest part. The hard part would be how I'm going to set it up.. illustration and also the pop-up I wanna do for it. (Just 1 castle) Well, I guess I'll try making the castle. And see about the rest by tomorrow.. I'll also go into school and assemble the pieces together to make that 3d thing. They won't like it, but I don't care.

Status: ready for bed
Listen: nothing just the TV

Let's see, I won the bet, Angie didn't call me back, and she said she will. I think she assumed that it would mean Chris, that she will tell Chris to call me back, but what I meant was that for her to call me back, which is never! Anyway, she said she had till midnight, but it's past midnight. I won. Does that mean she owes me $5? I guess. But then, Angie doesn't have any money. Sucks! Why the hell did I agree to the bet. I need to get something... but I don't remember what, oh man! And tomorrow, have to go in to school and drop off the books and also the paper. Check on the stuff and see if I can assemble them and then I have to finish up the fairytale and then start assemble the artistbook. Busy, busy, busy.

Chris said that I actually scrared her. I guess it's because I never actually snapped at her like that before. I mean I do get all snappy, but not like this. I usually have a hell of a lot more self-control. It also because of the fact that she lives so far away and I don't get to talk to her often enough as it is, so if I get angry it won't mean much, she won't know, she won't see me. I don't make sense. Well, she'll be here. I thought I'd get to see her sooner, I guess I'll have to wait. I was gonna say if I could visit, but since she gonna be here.. what's the point of a visit. Well, there is, I get to see her a little more. Hey, just wishful thinking.. mine.

Status: tired, but that's kinda normal now
Listen: Somewhere Out There [ Our Lady Peace ]

Finished!!! Finally, I got the 4 page paper for History of Art done! It is actually for last Thursday but Dr. Cheney gave us extension for it till Monday at 4pm. Nice of her. Now I have 2 more things to get done, well, 2 finals as well. But This paper is the most stressful. Anyway, I spent today at home, my aunt finally bought the steam vac, she actually bought one over Christmas (I think it was Christmas present) but she returned it cause she couldn't figure out how to use it, according to her, I was away too, which is why she just return it. I don't quite get that, but ok.. Anyway, she bought it today cause come to think of it, it's cheaper than have someone come in and do it for you and definitely cheaper than renting the cleaner. Either way, it's all good. So, I ended up cleaning the carpet (she did half I did half) and tomorrow I'll clean my room, and then go out get stuff for mother's day (damn greeting cards company!)

Got new dvd player.. Toshiba 5 disc changer.. I'm fucking spoiled. Oh well, I intended for that Panasonic that is on sale.. but we ran into someone we know who works there and so he basically drag his friend/co worker over and asked which one would be best, besides it was on sale for about the same. Oh well, I'll be happy camper for a while, and I'll be happier when the final is over.

On the other note, Chris is coming to visit, well, so she said. I hadn't talk to her much in the past several weeks, first, she had her finals to study for, then I have my projects to do and finals to study for, which I still do. I got stressed out so much I was on really really reall short end of my usual self control ( I have a lot of those. ) And she pissed me off, so.. there.. and now I'm in a pretty good mood, she's just too busy partying, I guess if she's in a good enough mood to party then that's good. If she's happy, then I'm happy for her. Just one of those simple things in life (Yeah, and electronic toys!)

Anyway, we cleaned out the extra bedroom, another bed will be moved in there and then.. it'll be ready.

Status: tired as hell
Listen: just something on tv

What the hell is wrong with people!! Why the hell do they always forget things when it's convenient!!! I'm just about to blow! *scream* I'm too busy, too tired, and too depressed for this shit! I sware one of these days I will drink that damn bottle of liquid sizing and see if I'll die. That woulda make them happy, bloody hell!

Status: tired and sleepy, but at least I'm not hungry
Listen: nothing

Ok, I get AB in the course for Printmaking, which is good, cause I didn't even turn in my first project, but he didn't seem to care about it. I don't really work in class, actually I did! Just that when he saw me sitting around I usually waiting for my plate to get dry, the damn thing can take so long. Anyway, it's done! Now I have 1 paper to write which I'm going to get books for after I got out of science, cause I don't feel like dragging these books back to the car and have to run after the shuttle. Got the call number down anyway. And I still have to finish up my papermaking projects, I'm still deciding whether I should stay late today or come in tomorrow. Maybe I should just get the books and go home, write the paper and get it over with, then I'll worry about the papermaking. However, the paper takes some time to dry. Um... mine had been drying pretty fast so far though. Well, we'll see.

Which Royalty Are You? Find out! By Nishi.

Status: quite pleased
Listen: With You [ Ill Nino ]

last time I talked to you
you were lonely and out of place

you were looking down on me
lost out in space

laid underneath the stars,
strung out and feeling brave

watch the riddles glow,
watch them float away

down here in the atmosphere,
gabage and city lights
you gotta save your tired soul,
you gotta save our lives

turn on the radio,
to find you on sattellite,
I'm waiting for the sky to fall,
I'm waiting for a sign

all we are is all so far

you're falling back to me
the star that I can't see
I know you're out there
somewhere out there

you're falling out of reach
defying gravity
I know you're out there,
somewhere out there

hope you remember me
when you're homesick and need a change
I miss your purple hair
I miss the way you taste

I know you'll come back someday,
on a bed of nails awake
I'm praying that you don't burn out,
or fade away

all we are is all so far

you're falling back to me
the star that I can't see
I know you're out there
somewhere out there

you're falling out of reach,
defying gravity
I know you're out there
somewhere out there

you're falling back to me
the star that I can't see
I know you're out there
you're falling out of reach
defying gravity

I know you're out there
somewhere out there

[ Our Lady Peace: Somewhere Out There ]

Status: on break
Listen: my MD mix

I should be getting my stuff from my parents the end of this week or beginning of next week. Can't wait... it'll be so cool to have the play only unit so I don't have to take my player/rec unit around, my backpack always take abuse, true that I don't toss it to the floor or kick it like some would, but still... being in art classes meant there are always accident waiting to happen, as it already did with my e-wire Oakley And seeing how they don't have e-wire in store anymore I will either have to order them on their site, though I'm more inclinde to get c-wire at the moment (light, ice.) I bought the c-wire for Chris, but with dark frame (gunmetal, dark red lense.) Ruby looks good, but won't be on my face, beside I like blue so much better. Still, I like my e-wire. By the end of today we're over with Printmaking, I'm gonna miss that class, seeing how I spent so much time in it. And next worry will be the paper, I'll hammer it out at least half of it tonight and then I'll be worrying about papermaking and then science. (funny how science takes backseat, but that's just because I didn't like the class.) I can't wait for the classes and finals to be over, I'm dying for some break, been operating on very little sleep and a lot of worries. Weird dreams are common right now and the guilt trip isn't helping the matter. Oh well, life sucks and then you die.

Status: tired
Listen: nothing

I've spent most of the night last night at the printshop at school. We got 12 prints due on Wed. So I cut my papers (6 pieces, I did both prints on the same paper) And printed 6 of them last night. I managed to print another 6 today and just got done. I smell like paint now. And my hands are really dry (it's the oil) Anyway, at least I got that done and I'm going to check out a few books on Rodan so I can do my paper. Oh yeah, Blogger has been annoying lately, what's up with that.

Status: extremely exhausted
Listen: just the tv droning on

I just spent the afternoon in printshop and decided to come home and eat... I'm going back to school in a few min though. I have stuff to get done, today, tomorrow and then it's gonna be paper that I have to write and then finish up the papermaking projects. All I can think off right now is school stuff... I hung up on Chris last night, but she doesn't wanna hear me whine anyway, so I just got the hell off the phone. I'm tired and I can't really stop, not yet, not for a while.

Status: feeling like I should just drop to the floor and stay there
Listen: nothing just silence screaming in my head

I really don't know why I tried, or even wanting to talk to her anymore. It doesn't seem to worth the efford. She acted as if I asked for the world, but I don't, never did, forgive me for wanting just a little bit of your time. I'm not ok, and everything has been pilling up and I'm just afraid I'll get buried alive. No one wanted to hear me cry or scream, and so I just shut my mouth and swallow it down, before they tell me to shut up. I just want to get out of here, get away from all of this, but I can't. I'm stuck in this god forsaken place. They look for me when they wanted something. Learn to keep people away, I guess that's the best I can do.

Status: waiting
Listen: can't tell you

I saw Spiderman last night, kinda late and then Chris called. I called her back and guess what, she's in the party! Great! Why the fuck did she bother calling me? The disappearing act is getting old. And why the fuck did she say she gonna call back and didn't. If she didn't intend to then don' say anything! Just say bye and that's it! God, this is getting to be real old and I'm not sure I'm all that happy about anything anymore..

Status: dressed... what else can I tell you.
Listen: nothing at all

I spent yesterday afternoon doing laundry and also printing... I still need to work on that and I need to get to papermaking today too. Suck really, but what else can you do.

Status: in the library
Listen: What Comes Around [ Ill Nino ]

I'm sleepy, the weather is so perfect for sleeping today, at least I didn't fall asleep in Survey, that would be really bad, if I did. Though I'll bet a pretty good money that I'll fall asleep in science, he sounds so hypnotic most of the time anyway, and the weather like this, I won't be able to stay awake. So, I'm contemplating whether or not to go to class, though I really should. Well, I guess I'll go even if I'm not gonna listen to his lecture at all ( just sit there and stare blankly at the screen ) I was going to work on my print, but I didn't feel like it, so I didn't. And here I am!

Status: tired
Listen: Discovery Channel

I've just spent 3 hours in the papermaking lab, there was no one there! It was so good to be able to do all the stuff by myself. I hate when there are people, cause you have to wait for something, always. I pulled 10 sheets of paper that will become 20 in the book that I will make. Though it might not turn out to be 20, my Prof. said that we need at least 10, so I might end up with 16-17 or something. Anyway, I have to e-mail my sister, my parents are worried about her. God, she should know better.

Status: squeaky clean
Listen: The New Detective on Discovery Channel

I got my liquid sizing and relick glue today, and tomorrow afternoon I will spend in the papermaking lap, so that I can pull sheets to make the book. Hopefully, there won't be too many people there, I don't think I can stand it. I don't like to work in class because I don't like to do stuff when there are people around. I think I did ok in my Survey 2 class. She surprised us by reduced the number of slides identification we have to do. So it was down to 3 slides and 3 comparison, though I think I blew the last comparison. (bad, very bad) Oh well, now I'm thinking of new layout for Morpheus I want to use Andrea Thompson as Talia Winters' pic. Would be fun figuring these out. I like a good challenge.

Status: brushing teeth
Listen: 48 hours

Got new chair!!! YES!! The other one was annoying the hell out of me, so here's a new one. I was considering waiting for next week, but it was on sale so... I thought I might as well get it this week. (I'm sure it'll still be on sale next week, but you can never be sure.. besides I like this thing!) So, I have to get the old one thrown out. Now I have to go back to my study.

Status: just got to school (I know, I know and why am I blogging)
Listen: just my friends talking

I went to B&N this morning, skipping my papermaking class, well, I don't do anything there anyway, so no point of me showing up. Last time he lecture about the mold for 2 h 50 min. It was a torture, it was really bad, so I decided not to go. I got my book, though. Cop Out Detective Inspector Carol Ashton Mytery by Claire McNab So, I got something to read, though I shouldn't even do that, since I need to study for my survey class, it's tomorrow. At least it's not that much to study for... Only Baroque. I just ordered stuff for my papermaking, and so I need to wait for that to come and the portfolio is due on the 8th. I'm running around like a headless chicken. *groan*

[ X: I believe in 80% actions 20% words but when all I get is 80 % words, 10% actions and 10% my own wishful thinking, I don't think that is working out well ]

Status: still don't know how I feel
Listen: Trading Spaces on TLC

I still didn't finish with the fairytale, I don't think it's gonna be long, but I wanna get it enough that I'll get 10 pages on the book. (small paragraph on each page) I have to think of some illustration too. And I think the sealing wax and the seal will be use here too. And now for the sculpture... I saw the preview for that new movie, and the egg was really cool, I wanna make the egg and then use watercolor to make it look like an embrio inside. Now I'll get to use that watercolor set that I have..

Chris still didn't call me back, I guess she's too busy for me. Actually I shouldn't even be surprise, I'm always at the bottom of the list. Always. I was told that she doesn't like anything that is not perfect, sounded a bit vein really, but I know that it is true. So, the question is... why am I still here then. I'm not perfect, never gonna be perfect, so what am I still doing here? I made her feel wanted, beautiful, loved, but in return, she made me feel like I'm nothing.

Status: don't know how to feel
Listen: nothing at the moment

I got that sealer that I wanted, the 'X'. Now I just need the red wax, I only have the gold one. (would be great if they have the blue as well.. though silver seems nice) I tried to call Chris since this morning and all I got was busy signal. I guess I won't be talking to her today either. Really, she had been so good about returning my call lately, what's with the relapse. Anyway, guess she doesn't have time for me, (but yeah she can have Andy over and watch movie, guess I'm just a nobody.. same old info... ) I'm getting annoyed, but whatever.

Status: just thinking..
Listen: same ol' same ol'

ok here.. I created a new messageboard for Mindwalkers I'll set the colors and stuff tomorrow, I'll have to think about it first. Most of today I spent in the printshop, I still didn't start on the book or sculpture yet and I should very soon, but I really don't know what to do with them, god I'm so dead, and I still need to study for Cheney's class, *groan*

Status: ready for bed (doesn't mean I'm going to bed, just ready if I want to)
Listen: What Comes Around [ Ill Nino ]

I dropped my Oakley in printshop today, and I think I scratched the lense. I wasn't freaking out, though I was kinda pissed, I loved that pair of Oakley, and they don't make E-Wire anymore, which is the pisser. Oh well, this goes to say shit happens, though I have had these for the past 2 years, maybe it's a sign for a new pair, but nah... I don't feel like spending that kind of money on them just yet. I have something else in mind. Chris didn't call me back last night, figure. Why the hell did she even say she gonna call back, and didn't. I hate that, cause I ended up sleeping with the damn phone on my pillow, which really suck. I hate when people do that. Say they gonna call back but never did. If they said it to get me off the phone, there's no need all they have to say is, gotta go, and I know the conversation is over. (though I like to aggravate some of them by started a new topic, I only do that to very few people) Tomorrow will be a day in the printshop for me, and while I wait for the plate to dry or etch I will be writing the fairytale. Fun!

Status: thinking
Listen: I Stand Alone [ Godsmack ]

Pao had a little accident in class today, and so I took her to the hospital to get her eyes checked out. When I got home my uncle told me that Chris called 3 times, I have no idea why she wanted to get a hold of me, especially in the middle of the day, she usually dosen't do that, and it's way past the time that she would just call to say hi because she misses me. Way past that. Sometimes I do wanna just call and say hi, but she made me feel like it was stupid to do that, so I don't. I don't have her work number, she never gave me her work number, I did ask for it once, after I got the new phone, but she was reluctant to give me, so I let it dropped beside she said she will carry her cellphone with her. Well, she didn't, and I had to call her cellphone twice before Angie answered it and told me her work number. Anyway, she said she gonna call me back when she got home, but she didn't. I guess she will later tonight, if not I'm not calling either, I called last night and she couldn't bother to call back.

On the other note, I know what I want to do for my artistbook project now. I want to do fairy tale kinda story, and make everything backward, and then tucked a mirror in there for them. Would be fun, I'm gonna start writing the story, either tomorrow night or Friday and then over the weekend figure out how I want to do the book and get supplies for it. That's the bad part, I have no money. *groan*

Status: thumb, hurts
Listen: Law&Order on tv

sometimes I think that nothing I did ever matter to the one that matters to me most. Nothing I did was ever good enough, even though they told me differently. But if what I did matters, why did they leave? Why was I the one that got tossed aside? They said I mean so much to them, and that I have no idea how much they love me, if that is so, why is it that my feelings got discarded so easily? It is still puzzling to me, when I know that there's another, but they talked as if there's no one else. You and me -- I was told -- will always be together. But that is still remain to be seen, isn't it.

Promises, promises. Spoke. Made. Unkept.

How many words have been spoken? How many are true? I can't tell. So much information throwing my way. Jumbled, disarrayed. So much to process, so much to understand. Truth, lies, perceptions differences.

Like two realities, neither were wrong, just different.

So I have to look for the truth in the middle. But how can I do that? I don't know where the middle is. I don't know where I stand and I don't know where the lie ends and truth begins.

Status: a bit anxious
Listen: the tv

I hate you -shut up...

you think that I'm the one to blame
everything I lose is just a piece of what there is to gain
you think it's cool and all is fine
now is the day when you pay, this is my time
I feel for you nothing but pain
I am what you will be, you are dying in me
I love you, I hate you, I miss you...

you're always thinking you're so perfect
those thoughts drove me away from home
but if you put me through your tests
then I will fade

I have nothing to say
but I feel like my mouth is open
everything that is real
comes around...

shut up...

your stupid face just make me sick
I see you changing everyday
to fit into the newst clique
I know you, but everything you do
is just a part of you, you'll never see the truth
I hate the way you make me feel
I hate the way you think you're real
your one voice it destroys my one choice

tu vida es mia
your fear is living here in me

es que no entiendo come en la vida puedes acer
la paz entre nostros cuando no vas a decir
y la gratitude que tu nunca vas a ver
has now turned to hate

[ Ill Nino/What Comes Around ]

Status: tired&hungry
Listen: What Comes Around [ Ill Nino ]

I actually worked in my printmaking class, did nothing in papermaking, but since I didn't have any idea what I wanna do, that's not surprising. I better come up with something soon though, or I won't make it for the deadline. I got quite far for printmaking.. I got both plates etched, and now I'm working on the background of the 1st plate and for the 2nd I'll do the same thing only in bigger scale. I'm tired, hungry and cold..

Status: Ready for bed
Listen: Disposed [ Ill Nino ]

I just called my dad after I called his friend in Hong Kong.. I faxed him the list of what I want. I may or may not get them, but hey I tried. I'm not sure when he's going to see my dad, which is why I said I may or may not get it. I got quite a list for that too.. and well, kinda feel bad now, even though I really want the stuff. They are quite expensive and I'm surprise my dad even ok with it, I guess that'e because he got one and he gave one to my sister and here I was, had no idea that he even have one let alone giving one to my sister, I'm like so out of the loop it's not even funny (actually, it's quite pathetic, they never called me on my birthday either, but well... guess that's what you get for being half way around the world away and being the oldest.) I just stuck a nail right underneath my thumbnail, the right thumb so it is quite painful now, here's the way to break in a new pair of sneakers... Anyway, bed time.. I'm tired..

What Ragnarok Online Enemy are You?

Status: a bit cold
Listen: What Comes Around [ Ill Nino ]

Well, here's what my new sneakers look like.. my mom would think that they are too big... but I like them DCShoeCo: TItan Well, I better go look for that model number for my MD unit..

Status: hungry
Listen: X-Files

I talked to my dad last night and his friend is coming from Hong Kong, he asked if I want anything, I told mom last week that I wanted the mic for my MD player/rec and so dad asked what kind and if I want the entirely new MD unit! (YEAH!!!!!!!!!!) He said just call his friend and then he'll pay for them.. I love my parents!!! And I got a new pair of sneakers yesterday, I'm a happy camper now. (DCShoeCo Titan in white/black/gray) Now I'll have to go to school and do some print.. (or rather etching.. ) School!

Status: quite annoyed
Listen: Discovery Channel

I got chapter 13 of Wishes for Sale.. finally, took me a while to start on it, I've been buried underneath a lot of other things, and now I'm just running on low. I still have more projects to get through and we got about a month or so of school to go. Well, I still have a few more things to do with the stories. I'm still waiting for feedback as well as the talk with Chris so that I get the plot for ch 2 of Innocence Lost.

Status: ....
Listen: annoying noises outside..

Disorder	Rating
Paranoid:	Low
Schizoid:	Moderate
Schizotypal:	Low
Antisocial:	Low
Borderline:	Low
Histrionic:	Low
Narcissistic:	Low
Avoidant:	Low
Dependent:	Low
Obsessive-Compulsive:	Low
-- Click Here To Take The Test --

Status: tired
Listen: Beetlejuice on HBO

Ok, I have to take the comment thing down, it makes my page load slower and I still couldn't figure out why it doesn't work. I assumed that it was just me and my incompetency, I'd love to ask someone for help, but have no idea who to ask. Anyway, just got back from the movie, I'm starve and also a bit tired, the movie was all right, I didn't expect anything, I'm going to see Scopion's King next. I saw this pair of sneakers and I wasn't sure I wanna get it, a classmate of mine said that he could get me the size that I want and I think they might have the one I really want.. (one of those boarder sneakers.. I don't do skateboarding, but I like the sneakers... hey, it's all in the look of things... ) If not I'll go back to Pac Sun to get that pair, they have them in 7.5. Jamie thought they looked big.. which is why I would never get them in 8, they will be enormous that way.. and I won't be able to walk in them... small feet.. sucks! Nah... I think it's better than if I have the feet size 9... (know someone like that.. a throll) Oh well, we'll see... I need a new pair of sneakers anyway... mine are so worn out it's pathetic.

Status: tired
Listen: ---

I'm figuring out how to use this commenting thing... I'm no good with it at all. It's not working yet, I don't think.. if anyone know how this work.. help me?? Please? I'm so bad at this..

Status: Still hanging around...
Listen: Believe Me [ Moist ]

Well, Chris just called, great timing!! I'm in the library.. anyway, I'm not one of those people that talk really loud into the phone, I think her vol setting is loud enough for me not to scream into it. (mine is kinda high too) Anyway, she wanted to see the second vol of Denise Cleever Thriller.. I'll send that tomorrow... grrrrrrrr... earlier visit to the post office than I thought. Anyway, I better move my ass and go check on the plate.

[ X: so I'm washing clean your body off the promise that I never made ]

Status: just put the plate in the acid
Listen: Don't Dreams It's Over [ --- ]

The ad is usable! YES!!! Finally, god I've been looking forever, she said it was good. Chris got the package already, which is really unfair at how fast she got the stuff, it always take maximum time with me. I still didn't get that order from amazon yet, so I'll check the tracking of the package and then e-mail them if the thing isn't here yet, it should've been here since the 10th!! Anyway, Mon Ange called this morning just before class (thank god it was before class and not during) I already set the phone on vibrate anyway, so it wasn't a big deal. She liked the book, and she wanted to read the second one, means I'll have another visit to the post office in a few days. I let her borrow my Canon Rebel2000, which is my new camera I got when I took my Intro to Photography class. I offered to give her my small one that mom left for me, I don't use it, and since she had an accident with hers, but she didn't want the cam, and I trust her to take care of my Rebel2000 so... I packed it and sent it over.. (I trust her, but I don't quite trust the postal service.) Well, I have about 30 min before I have to go back and check on my plate.

Status: getting ready for bed
Listen: nothing

I finally found the ad that I'm pretty sure I can use. Took forever, I've been looking for about 4 weeks.I guess it was a little too late to start looking, but finally I got something. Anyway, I'm supposed to talk to Chris to finalize the plot for ch 2 of Innocence Lost. She said that she's going to be home today, but I called and no one answer the phone, maybe she's asleep. Then I shouldn't try again, since she's been sick. Anyway, I better get to bed, kinda tired...

Status: at school, what else can I tell you...
Listen: absolutely nothing

I'm waiting for my plate to dry right now so I can work on the print. I found a spot on my copperplate that's not covered with ground yesterday, I assumed that while I grounded the plate it got bubble, but I swear I didn't see any, or I would've fix that right away, maybe someone touched the thing, I don't really know, but now I'm just waiting for it to get dry so I can work, if not, there's nothing I can do at that moment. We spent the entire papermaking class listening to lecture (not unusual, what unusual is me getting up early to make to the class on time) A lot of people didn't show up. Now I'm thinking more of what I want to do for artist book. *groan* I just call Mon Ange she said she'll be home, I guess she meant that she'll be home after work.. stupid me, for not listening, but it was 1AM and I was asleep when she called. Not my fault that I don't quite comprehend what she was saying. Anyway, I hope she feels better today, she sounded terrible last night, poor Chris.

Status: blurry...
Listen: nothing..

I didn't go to my science class, didn't feel so well, something got into my eye, so it kinda hurt. I didn't bother to wait for the plate either, I can work on it tomorrow. I went to bookstore, but couldn't find what I needed. I've been looking for some fan-fic to read, couldn't find any good one lately, probably because all the series are over. Anyway, we'll come up with something. I should call Chris a little later.

Status: sleepy as hell and my eye hurts
Listen: Believe Me [ Moist ]

We finally got the title for ToF:R. It'll be Innocence Lost, which is actually fitted pretty good to the story line that we're about to do. Credit to Mystique!. I just went to printshop and found that the ground I put on my plate had bubble on it, and so when it dried the damn bubble exposed the copperplate underneath, and I can't do anything to it till the ground dry (I regrounded it, just add more take less time to dry, or at least I hope it will.) I have to look for more ads, the one I found wasn't usable, the tower of Pisa is from before Reinassanse, so bookstore here I come! *groan* I'm not sure if I want to go to my science class, but I've been missing so much of that class I shouldn't miss anymore, though he doesn't take attendence, and what he lecture we better off reading from the book, maybe I'll just leave and go straight to bookstore... decisions, decisions *tap, tap* My throat still hurts, but there's nothing else, I'm not coughing, not sneezing, actually this kinda scary.

Status: getting over the urge to do more silly quizes
Listen: Dead Cell [ Papa Roach ]

The quizes were fun! I love those. I'm thinking of getting a new task chair, this one is falling apart and not comfortable anymore (I don't think it ever was, but anyway) Saw a few in Staples... I'm getting one of those smaller ones. (not enough room for big exec chair, which is a good thing I never like too big of a chair anyhow) I'm suppose to be writing, at least ToFR ch2 at least, but still didn't talk to Chris and so I don't have the layout for it just yet, I could start something, but I'll probably throw it away as soon as I get the layout for it. I'm giving her free rein, though I write most of it (well, I end up doing that when I agree to co write something) I have my input, just that she seemed happy and excite and I like her that way. (make sense? no?) I'm such a push-over when it comes to her, so much it's not even funny. I know I sound like and idiot or a 5 year old when I'm on the phone with her, too.. I don't know if she ever notice that, I guess she does. I can tell how tired she was and what mood she was in by the way she talks and her tone of voice, maybe a bit much. God, my throat hurts. At least I still have the use of my voice, though I'm not sure that's gonna be true in the next few days.

Saw these boxers at J Crew, they got fishbows on 'em and I might get them. I love those! ('what is it with you and boxers, psy would say, but hey, that's just me!) I got the fish print ones from Gap the other day and found that I got the wrong size, which mean I will have to go back and exchange 'em. I doubt they have the fish one left anymore.. at least not the blue, though I don't mind the red, I got ones with the rainbow trout on them before in red. (besides no one will see them) Well, last summer when I visit Chris (Mon Ange!) and Angie (Kitty!) Angie wanted to steal my blue with shark ones. And on winter vacation she was joking with me and said 'remember when you pack, you left your fishie boxers at home, so you won't find them here, they're at home and you'll find them at home.' I thought it was the funniest thing, cause I know she wanted them. Of course, Chris joined in with the jacket thing, too. (AF, it's really nice.) They were so cute. Ah... life little pleasure (listen to friends babbling like idiots over some article of clothing.)

Status: in the mood for quizes
Listen: Forsaken [ David Draiman ]





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which "monty python and the holy grail" character are you?

this quiz was made by colleen





which children's storybook character are you?

this quiz was made by colleen

Status: ---
Listen: Live Again [ Sevendust ]

About the artistbook thing last night.... about Chris's eyes, even if she's here I doubt I would be able to match them, I mean, she would've smacked me so hard for saying that. Besides the line that form for those blues were a little too long and I'm probably the last one in line, sucks, really, but what can I say. I had weird dreams last night, really weird and well, can't really put them here, but come to think of it, it's rather funny that in most of the dreams, both of them were in there, scary. Oh well, I don't feel all that well, maybe that's the reason. I should start on the story pretty soon.

Status: thinking.. ( a bit too much )
Listen: nothing.

I'm thinking of my project right now. Artist Book, that I want to make it deep blue.. indigo. As for cover, I want that indigo too.. ( maybe I can match Chris's eyes, but that would mean I need to really look at her eyes, which is highly unlikely I would be able to do so, seeing how we are about 1200 miles apart, damn distance! ) Silver would be a nice color to use with this. ( we are getting less creative as the semester wore on... hey, I'm tired! ) My throat hurts and I'm getting sick... how wonderful. I'm also writing Wishes for Sale at the moment, I have to make myself write or I won't at all, since I'm buried underneath so much work now. God.. I have to stop going out all the time now..

Status: just waiting
Listen: And All That Could Have Been [ NIN ]

Your past life diagnosis:
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I don't know how you feel about it, but you were female in your last earthly incarnation.
You were born somewhere in the territory of modern West Australia around the year 975.
Your profession was that of a jeweler or watch-maker.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Your brief psychological profile in your past life:
Inquisitive, inventive, you liked to get to the very bottom of things and to rummage in books. Talent for drama, natural born actor.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The lesson that your last past life brought to your present incarnation:
There is an invisible connection between the material and the spiritual world. Your lesson is to search, find and use this magical bridge.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Do you remember now?

Past Life Analysis

Status: in pain
Listen: something



I fire

I went to Charette to get stuff.. and now I'm completely broke. Got back, stopped at the mall.. got some food, then to school. I did 1 print which I can show Jeff on Wed and I put softground on the plate again. (pain in the ass!) I had to do it twice and I didn't feel so good so I left, tomorrow I'll go back and then work on the plate, I didn't see the point of waiting for it to dry and bring home when I'm not going to work on it at home anyway. Beside if I wait, I'll probably have problem with the ground being too dry. Anyway, just the normal pain we face everyday.

Status: just trying to relax
Listen: Discovery Channel

Saw Frailty, still can't decide whether or not I like it. It was kinda predictable, till the very end that is, but still... It was weird, but anyway. I spent all afternoon at school then ate, then movie.. I smelled like the acid we used and the softground, I still have another plate to etch and also 1 print due. I'm down to 1 sheet of printing paper, not good, not good at all. It'll be enough for next week, but no more than that. And I have no money *groan* oh well, I'll figure something out.

Status: chillin' really I mean... chillin'
Listen: nothing, sound of the AC running (I did say chilli')

So, I called her and she called me back and then we chatted about a bunch of things mostly stupid things. She's coming for a visit (yay!) but I'm gonna still be in school (argh!) So, she might end up watching me pulling sheets of paper and waiting for the etching. Which sucks both way. I won't get to do much with her, but hey, school comes first. (I can skip, maybe.. seeing how it'll be last weeks of the semester, means I'll be buried neck deep in projects and papers) Well, the etching should be ready...

Status: x_x
Listen: ...

Ok, I watched Mulholland Drive through and kinda confusing, but I like this one better than Momento, and I repeat, BETTER. (maybe because I would rather watch a main character that is female than a male) Anyway, we probably not gonna get to work on ch 2 of ToF, wait... we don't even have a title yet. But anyway, I'm just pondering some stuff in my head and it started to depress me. Things like, why am I still here, in the god forsaken place, I mean let's face it, no one really want me anywhere. Why I still hanging around when I know I'm the unchosen one. Why killing myself in school when it's highly unlikely I'm gonna be using the degree I'm getting, chances are I'm not gonna have the time to breathe let alone doing something on the side. And it's not like I'm gonna have a life once I'm back home either. I'm gonna end up forcing myself to see work as fun. Nice house and room I have waiting for me's not gonna matter much when all I can do will be getting home and drop dead.

What a nice thing to look forward to.

Status: watching Mulholland Drive
Listen: to the movie, duh!

Anyway, I added a few more links, and finally got SyntheticSoul up and running. I didn't do anything in printshop at all, the softground is the most infuriating thing to work with I will go back tomorrow and try again. Now back to the movie...

Status: annoyed
Listen: something someone was playing...

Ok, so I just ruined the ground, by touching it before it is ready to be worked on. Argggggggghhhhhhh!!! Can it get any worse! (watch, it'll get worse) So I have to put the ground on again and wait another 30 min or so before I can use it. This is getting worse and worse all the time. Chris called me back last night at about 2 AM, telling me about the movie she was watching.. I guess I'll go get that and watch, just because. Anyway, that will have to wait till tonight.

Status: at school, waiting for the ground to dry
Listen: about to pick something, but nothing really...

Ok, so my aunt's birthday was yesterday, but I didn't say anything, just not my thing really was gonna get her something, but she pissed me off now, so forget it. Honestly, it's like a suck-up fest this morning, not for me, I can't stand it. A bunch of people sitting around and sucking up, for what?? Another thing, never compare your life to other people, is it my fault that I don't need to work right now? (first and foremost, I can't, second, my parents don't expect me to) I've been working in my dad's store ever since I can remember, granted I wasn't happy about it, but that's just life, so don't tell me 'yeah, you're so lucky you don't have to work, blah blah blah' I just want to get the hell out of here already, if not because of school I would have been gone a long time ago. The next thing will be working my ass off and still got no life. Yup, lucky me. People only see their own problem which is fine, but don't look around and say that other people are better off, because chances are other people have more problem, you just don't see it. Keep it simple and just shut the fuck up already.

Status: kinda tired
Listen: nothing

It's kinda strange that she called me twice today. To be honest I was going to call her later tonight, because everytime I call her before 10pm her time she never answer the phone and when she did she sounded like she doesn't even wanna hear me, so I see no point of calling after I got out of class. And I really didn't expect her to call me back. I was pissed last night which is why I didn't call her, that and I was too tired, I was pissed most of the afternoon too, today. I can't really say why. I feel like nothing I ever did was right, god, if I only have the guts.

Which Anne Rice Vampire are you?

by Tera

Status: in the library at school, waiting to catch the shuttle and go to the next class
Listen: Slept So Long [ Jay Gordon ]

Ok, so I've been looking in the wrong magazine. I have to look in stuff like Food&Wine... which I don't read and Architectural magazine.. Oh well, since my prof isn't here today I can turn it in on Tue (I hope I can anyway) Might get yelled at but hey, that's just normal. Just had my lunch, I feel so much better, though I think I'm getting sick. My throat is kinda scratchy right now. Sickness... damn it.. I don't need that now. So, I'll be staying in. No going anywhere. No one calls last night, but then no one ever calls. As for Chris, guess I'll stay away for a while, even though I should start on the second part of the story real soon. Everything has to wait for her, this is getting pretty old.


Which Member of the Endless Are You?

[ X: this is so fucked up ]

Status: sleepy
Listen: the tv..

I've been looking through some magazines for the ad that has artworks as a part of it. You'd be surprise how difficult it is to find one of those and the ones that I found I'm pretty sure that my prof won't accept, I'm just about to pull my hair now. Today someone IMed me and for the life of me I had no idea who she was, she mentioned that we hadn't been talking for a very long time, so I assumed that it was someone I used to talk to post-fan-fiction period. Anyway, she was gone before I can ask. I told Angie about it and then no more than 5 min later Chris got home.. told me I'm bothering Angie. That was just great, I'm bothering her, I'm bothering them both. And I didn't even talk to her for more than 5 min. If I talked to her for an hour or two while she was trying to do something then I won't be pissed over this, but I didn't. It gets old. I'm going to bed soon before I start screaming.

Status: hungry...
Listen: System [ Chester Benington ]

I'm starving, but I guess I'll do this and then go to the cafeteria to get some food (or rather a cup of soup or something) Ok, so we are going to get a new title for ToF: The Return. Chris thought that the original title applied to the first one but not the second, anyway, I'm so bad at title so I'm gonna let her play with that. She thinks that I'm not very excited about the new story, I am excited, but to anyone who knows me well enough they would also know that I don't show it outwardly. (Of course, Chris likes it better when I actually show it and jump up and down and stuff... she likes to see that, but I'm not like that) I just turned in my portfolio for papermaking class. Seems like the 3D piece worked, though I really had no idea what I wanna do with it at first. I thought about using red, that would be like the scene that Hannibal hung that guard up on the outside corner of the cage they kept him in. Though, I doubt a lot of people will make the association with that. Oh well, blue is good, seems to remind them of hospital gown. I better get moving..




What bishounen type is your favourite?

By ShoSen of Totally Kawaii!


[ X: blah..... ]

Status: trying out the new layout...
Listen: Caught In The Sun [ Course of Nature ]

I asked you to stay
but you said there's no way
I begged-- you call
and you leave me after all
I know I'm not to blame
I know you don't feel the same
didn't even tell me why
you just left me here to die
I stand, I fall, I bounce off these four walls
you laugh, you leave
and you leave me here alone,
is this how it's gonna be
it's fine for you and not for me
did you even care at all
you stand, I fall

I'm guilty too
forsiring all to you
well, that's my own sin
sorry for giving in
didn't mean to waste your time
thanks for wasting mine
could have to tried to let me be
would you just set me free?

could I pay you not to...

[ Nickleback: Detangler ]

Status: munching, munching
Listen: HBO... whatever that is on right now.

I got the story up.. Twist of Fate: The Return I kept the title, cause Chris didn't object to it. (Though it'll ultimately be my decision) I left her name on there as well (or rather handle.) On the other front, my advisor wasn't there, he got called into the meeting, and when I went back to where he noted the time that he would be back, the room was close, and I was really tired so I decided to sign up for tomorrow at 2:40 PM. Anyway I just pricked my thumb with the safetypin (I guess it wasn't safe then) I have to use them so... anyway, back to my little project.

Status: I'm just waiting...
Listen: nothing at all just people typing noise in the background

Let's see, I can barely get myself up this morning. Chris called last night, after I've been asleep for about an hour already, but anyhow it's all good. I got the file back, means I can post it this afternoon. Now I'm waiting for another 15 min or so to go see my advisor, to be honest, I don't know what I need to take next semester, when I do I can pick other classes that I wanna take along with those, but first I have to get those classes that I need down and plan everything else around it. FUN!

[ X: see you waiting... ]

Status: Still playing around
Listen: I Stand Alone [ Godsmack ]



this is cool, I've always loved Cain's character. He's so cynical, just like me!

Status: study (right!)
Listen: Caught In The Sun [ Course of Nature ]

I should be studying, really, I should, but I couldn't. I'm lazy! Anyway, tomorrow afternoon, I'll be registering my classes and then make the index page. (among other things). Today I spent my afternoon waiting for oilchange on my little Civic, then ran over to the bookstore to get a magazine. I actually have to look for an ad that use some painting and stuff, but she was never really clear of what we're suppose to look for. I found a few, but not sure about it, well, we'll see tomorrow. I'm getting back to studying and then I expecting a phonecall. Me and Mon Ange suppose to be discussing the story. Something she wanted me to take out she said. Anyway... I won't know till I talk to her. Oh yeah, she snapped at me last night for guessing the answer to her quiz, but hey I did say that I don't remember! Bite me! Oh well, back to the book.

Status: a bit tired
Listen: nothing




Special thanks to Terry Moore for drawing and creating the above image and related series.

Find out How would you die in a horror movie?



[ X: --- ]

Status: figuring things out
Listen: The X-Files!!


Take the Screen Scotsmen Quiz @ AWONI

Finally! I've been trying to figure out why the blogger would not upload to this new url. Now it worked.. (still don't know why it didn't before) I'm kinda tired now, just got back from papermaking (this class is starting to take over my life!) I redid the emboss, and did the second part of my 3D one. And guess what! I forgot the hairdryer there! Though I doubt anyone gonna steal it, it's nothing. Hopefully everything will be all dried by Tue.

[X: the shadow that you see.. that wasn't me ]

Status: still confused
Listen: Trading Spaces on TLC

I've been out since 11:30 this morning and just got back in (well, got back in earlier to eat and then left again) I will have to go to school again tomorrow and then do the second part for my 3D project.. (I found plastic ripcages and I used that as a mold.. ) I will have to go in with the hairdryer. Hopefully a few of the other are dried now. (the pulppainting one is dry. I know that) I still didn't get anything from Chris yet, why is it that she always set the timeline, but never keep up with it. She's the one that wanted to get this out by this weekend, but nooooooooo she hadn't even bother to write back, or call back for that matter.. I don't even know why I bother agreeing to this anyway.

[ X: I guess I'm not that reflection ]

Status: confused
Listen: nothing..

I got Morpheus moved to syntheticsoul, now I have Rogue and also Blog to move.. still couldn't figure out why I couldn't upload the blog to that yet. Don't know if something I did, or I need something. This is really frustrating. I didn't get anything back from Chris yet, while I hammered out ch 1 last night. (I said I will, mean I will) Anyway, back to figure this out..

[ X: am I what you wanted to see? ]

Status: just chillin'
Listen: The World I Know [ Collective Soul ]

I just got the access info today, though I can't possibly do anything till I hammer out chapter 1 of Twist of Fate 2, I don't know what to call it yet, true that I use Twist of Fate: The Return as working title, which I might keep, have to talk to Chris about that too, but since she didn't seem to care to discuss the new title, I assumed that she doesn't have a problem with that one. Like I said, I might keep it. We pretty much lay out the plot for it last night at oh-twohundred-thirty hour.. ( ha ha ha ) I was dead asleep and then she called, yup, I think she's really fired up about this. I don't know what's the deal with Twist of Fate (I wrote it, yes, but still... kinda amazed me how people respond to it.) I guess it does have something to do with Psy asking to write the sequel if I'm not going to do it. Of course I have more than two oppose to the idea of someone else writing it. Olga even said that she'll be quiet if I would write it myself. (no need for that, really, I like to have someone to talk to and boost my ego a little.) I just went and check on the projects, the embossing might not be as good as I would like, but it's going to take forever to dry, so I don't want to play with it anymore than I have to. As for the pulp painting I think I got it pretty much the way I wanted it. Jim might not like it, but tough! I don't have the time or the patience to do that besides I have no idea what to do. Now 3D this is going to be the pain in my ass. Friday, I'll be spending at school and get the 3D one out, all of this due on Wed the 10th. I better show up for class next week. I hadn't showed up cause I wasn't going to do anything in class and so I'd rather sleep in. (not good... bad... bad... X) Now... Mon Ange I want fishies!!! (or if you prefer, I won't mind that pair of boxers from the Gap that have fish on 'em, and I want them in blue!) Ok, should get back to thinking about the story, I have to write that out tonight so she can look at it and we can post by Friday night. (yup, gonna be Mys and me on that story)

[ X: do you see me, when you look at me? or do you see someone else that you wished I could be? ]

Status: tired
Listen: Live Again [ Sevendust ]

I've just spent the entire afternoon till about 8 PM in the studio and I did 3 pieces out of 3 pieces that would complete the second portfolio. Now I'll have to be back there on either tomorrow or friday again to finish up.. probably friday though, I have no idea what I want to do for 3D piece yet. Have to think about that. I'll have to get a hold of Chris, she said we're going to discuss the plot for ToF but hadn't been able to talk about that, she had an extremely bad day yesterday so... I guess I wasn't helping any by aggravating her, but hey, you know.. that's what I do best. Anyhow.. by this weekend I should be moving everything over to my own space.. which is syntheticsoul.com can't wait.

[ X: I'm not real! I'm just the reflection of what you want to see ]

Status: tired and if a bit pissed.
Listen: I Stand Alone [ Godsmack ]

Well, I've decided to get my own webspace and domain... I'm gonna get yell at.. LOL. Anyway, I didn't do my papermaking today, when I went to the studio my prof from last semester was there with her class.. and even though most of the time we can go in and do our work and as long as we don't interrupt the class it'll be ok, she gave me evil look, so I left, mean I'll have to stay late tomorrow, which is ok, really. I have to make sure I got everything on me tomorrow.. I doubt I'll show up for Papermaking tomorrow morning, since I won't be doing anything. I better look for that sketch, too! I'd like to get something done in printmaking at least.

[ X: want cuddle ]

Status: about to get clean up...
Listen: And All That Could Have Been [ NIN }

I know, I know, I've been listening to this a lot lately, maybe because it fitted my situation pretty good. I just realized how many sketch book I have, but then it's not surprising, I always get several sketchbooks going at once.. (as many as 4) It's kinda like occupational hazard. I got my Seiden RG-Veda artbook! And Berserk 3DVD set.. I'm quite happy now. Though Mon Ange will probably bang me over the head and tell me to concentrate on the sequel of Twist of Fate before goof off.. (but it'll take a while!!) Anyway, shower time..

test by Leanne
which CCS character are you?

[ X: ^_^ ]