I got the Witch Hunter Robin DVD, finally. I know I could've load it somewhere, but until I can figure out where I can get the drive for DIVx decompressor.. no chance of that happening. Anyway, I prefer to see it on TV and not comp screen anyway. I'm such a spoiled brat. But at least I don't drink, smoke or party. Anyway, I'm gonna go look for food then watch it after this.

Listening : Faceless [ Godsmack ]

Got my digital cam. My first image is... Hellsing I made this.. to go on my wall. I love cutting, to be honest. The feel of the sharp blade gliding over the paper, I mean you can tell if the blade wasn't sharp enough. I think that's why I love the process so much, I get to cut the contact paper which is pretty thin, and try not to go too deep into the matboard cause I'll be peeling off the top layer of the board out otherwise. I enjoy it, and it looks crisp and clean when it is done. Quite the opposite of my drawing that usually involve lots of sketch lines and stuff.. I mean, it looks kinda messy. I think it's the fact that I don't need to be committed to 1 single line helps. Anyway, I'll be taking lots of pic I guess, just not of me.

Listening : Understanding [ Evanescence ]

Ok, I'm playing catch-up with the writing and stories, ya know. What else for me to do but this. I write too.. so.. Slayers' Dreams is where I keep this one. Just a shortie, kinda sweet.. ( a bit too sweet, but you know...) I have enough time for the depressing one later and also working on Ivanova/Talia uber one, if anyone is wondering.

Oh yeah a plug for Elphie. Like the new layout, cute!!

tell me you'll live through this and I will die for you.'

I need to know if you were real
'cause I've been known to get it wrong
When the memory comes
I'll say I'm always in the dark
You got me now

I want to give you back
somewhere out of here
I want to give you
I want to give you back

I can't remember how it went
You looked like everything I wanted
And as you came along
slowly everything began to change
I got you now

That's enough
just talking about it
I don't mind
I don't mind, no I
laugh enough
just dreaming about it

I need to know if you were real
I'd hate to think that I'd been fooled again
And as the vision fades
I'll say I was blinded by your eyes
I felt them burn

Somewhere out of here
You gotta get on out of here
Get on out of here

I finally finished that Hellsing thing, took this long only because I didn't wanna have to cut a small piece out of my matboard when I knew that I have some statch somewhere, watch in a day or two I'll find 10 pieces of 8"x8" matboard. That's just annoying. Anyway.. sunday, not doing anything. I'll just lay back and play game.

My thumb kinda hurt now. Don't know how that happen, anyway, I painted the rest of the shed.. now only 1 side will need to be put on a second coat. I think I wear it more than I put it on, but hey! I think I'm getting the digital cam this weekend. I'll see the sale.. LOL.. not that it'll make any diffrent if I want it now I'll get it now. I've been putting that off cause someone said she gonna get me one and she promised me that she did, but you know something, I don't think she ever did. Just one more lie to top it all off. Anyway, since that didn't happen. I'm getting one myself. I'll just have to remember to never ask anyone for anything. Never get anything from anyone anyway. (too many any???) Ok, now I better figure out how to set up the damn guestbook, been putting it off for far too long.. and yeah who said anything about me being good at this stuff??? Nope, not me..

Listening : Robin [ WHRobin OSS ]

I'm working on a 32"x24" 12 pieces Hellsing illustration. It's a cut out contact paper, figure for the lack of better things to do (well, I could write.. but I couldn't concentrate.. ) And I wanna do something for an empty wall of my room. So there.. It is an image of Integra Wingate Hellsing and Seras Victoria. I got the first 5 done. Ran into a tiny bit of problem, but I worked that out. I can't wait to get Sarah Michelle one back. Wish Tudor would just hurry it up.

I'd give anything to give myself to you
Can you forget the words that you thought you knew
If you want me,
Come and find me
Nothing's stopping you so please release me

I'll believe
All your lies
Just pretend you love me
Make believe
Close your eyes
I'll be anything for you

Have you left to make me feel anymore
Theres only you and everyday I need more
If you want me
Come and find me
I'll do anythng you say just tell me

Anything for you
All without your hurt inside
Will ever never die
I'll be, everything you need

[ Evanescence | Anything For You ]

Saw Wrong Turn, wow! I'll be wary of back roads for weeks!

I spent last night making a bunch of MD, didn't touch it for a while and now I have a bunch of song to go on it. I spent the afternoon painting the shed, not done yet and it's gonna rain tonight and tomorrow, nice huh. Gotta love it here.

Slayers' Dreams just another thing I'm putting up..

Listening : Half-Pain [ Bana ]

Talked to my mom earlier tonight.. (not real early, but you know what I mean) and I really wanna go home. 7 years.. long enough I think and I have another one to go. God.. and people wonder why I fucking brood. I would call grandpa and talk to him except I wouldn't know what to talk to him about, beside I hate it when they start asking when I'll be going home. It's not like I don't want to, I do, I really do. But until I'm done with school, I'm not. I'm not dropping a little over $1000 to go home either.. besides I was told once by a friend that it's harder to leave the second time.. not on her, but her mom. And I can see that happened with mom and dad. I'd rather not have to drop that much money (which by the way, is theirs) and make them feel bad when I leave. I mean they won't say anything, but I hate seeing mom cry. Worst I hate leaving.

I'm getting Witch Hunter Robin on ebay. Heard good things about it, so I figure I'll give it a shot. Now I still need to pick up a few DVDs. Probably 1 at the time. I'm getting digital cam too, I think. Need one.. now that I found I have a hell of a time trying to get my stuff into portfolio and I hate to get the entire roll of film done before I can get that. Thus a lot of my stuff didn't get recorded that way.. At the moment I'm playing with the one my aunt lets me borrow.

'are you aware of what you make me feel, baby
right now I feel invisible to you, like I'm not real'

Listening : Before The Dawn [ Evanescence ]

Elphie I'm sure they'll rerun those again.. I'd hoped that they would rerun the whole thing, ya know.. every ep before Graduation.. that didn't seem to be the case, however. Well, I guess I'll set up the time everyday and keep the one I like.. (that or I'll grit my teeth and just buy the DVD.. I still have so many to catch up on thought.. T_T)

I got Sukeban Deka back from Joe, he loved it, he thought it was a bit short, and I agreed. I still need to get the rest of X the series.. (I started a little late.. so now I only have 1, 2) Need to get Noir vol.3, Crying Freeman 2. So many to get so little money. LOL.

Piper glad you like the drawing. I should draw just for the sake of drawing more often. I'm looking around to see if I can find one of Eliza that I like enough to draw. I mean, I like all of them, but some are better to draw than others. Just me and my pickiness ^_^

Meet me after dark again and I'll hold you
I am nothing more than to see you there
And maybe tonight, we'll fly so far away
We'll be lost before the dawn

If only night can hold you where i can see you, my love
Then let me never ever wake again
And maybe tonight, we'll fly so far away
We'll be lost before the dawn

somehow i know that we cant wake again from this dream
it's not real, but it's ours

Maybe tonight, we'll fly so far away
We'll be lost before the dawn

Maybe tonight, we'll fly so far away
We'll be lost before the dawn

[ Evanescence | Before The Dawn ]

my day was all right up until someone decided that things needed to be dug up. And it's the same old thing. What I feel didn't matter then and doesn't matter now, not to her, never to her. So what if she hurts me, I should still stay right where I was and take it? I don't think so. Suddenly I'm the bestfriend, well, as soon as she got her real bestfriend back that is. No, not doing this anymore. Can't afford to pick myself up off the floor and put myself back together only to be broken down again. And they think I'm so depressed, there's reason to my depression. Fuck them, fuck her.

I taped Buffy rerun with Eliza as host.. ^_^

I got to talk to Renee today before karate, it's great to hear from her again, I don't remember the last time I talk to her so. It's nice to catch up a bit. She'll be moving back, maybe we can hang out sometimes. The class today was fine, I got 2 more bruises on my right arm.. it usually the right arm anyway, the arm you punch in with. That makes 7 bruises that I'm aware of. Sensei Al got 3 sectional staff in the dojo, my shoes are coming in tomorrow, though I won't get the white/gray with blue lining, I'll get the white with black lining, which is all right. At this point I don't care if I get the black, I just want the new shoes.. The old pair I kept falling off when I do crane stand, so it didn't help with Statue of the Crane form. Especially when I did the punch to the floor and have to hop back and turn at the same time.. I tend to fall on the punch, not on the hop. Anyway, new shoes.. I'm happy.

Did a drawing tonight.. of Sarah Michelle Gellar.. yes, yes, it is becoming an obsession.. well, SMG and ED that is. I did't com across any image of Eliza Dushku that I want to draw yet. I'll do one of her (or several) when I find a good image. ^_^

X: over and out for the night

Elphie!! ThanX! I knew that she'll host it, just didn't know when. Now I'll set up the vcr for it, I'm not home during that time.. Though I would've tape it even if I'm here.

I'm still slowly watching Lain.. and I stopped with Rose of Versailles.. I'll start up again when my head stop spinning.

I've spent last night and all day today watching Rose Of Versailles, man, it's like craming two weeks worth of anime into a day and a night, still not finish thoug, I got about 10 more episodes to go. I decided to stop and watch Lain.. Yeah I'll be cramming that one in too.. LOL.. not a good idea actually, I should watch it slowly so I still have stuff to watch and not feel the need to go out and get anime. (still need to get Noir 3, Crying Freeman 2, X)

Guess what, my nose still hurt when I tap at it.. man next time I'll keep my face away from a foot.

Listening : Why [ Stabbing Westward ]

I am not here
I think I've never
been here at all
or ever will be
I feel like a place
where no one goes anymore

why can't you see
that everything's broken
why does it seem this life's turned gray
I can't believe in anything sacred
when I don't believe that I am real

I need someone to
break the silence
that's screaming in my head
and in my soul

it seems so bizarre
but none of this matters
thoughts disappear, and hope has died
but now I am safe,
nothing can hurt me here

why can't you see
my need for forgiveness
the truth and the lies
so confused as one
I can't believe in anything sacred
when I don't believe in anything

I need someone to
break the silence
that's screaming in my head
and in my soul

I am alone
locked in my memories
there's nowhere left for me to hide
but I am not real
I've made all I am with lies

why does it seem that everything's different
why does it seem that only you are real
I don't believe in anything sacred
so, why do I feel so damned alone?

I got kicked in the face today. So my nose still hurt, though no nose bleed or anything. Well, I never had nose bleed in my life and I don't think I'm gonna start now. We got a few techniques today too.. fast hand and the other one which we didn't get the name, footwork itself was good and the way of the hit... it's cool.

There's somthing in your ways
That makes me wanna stay here for a thousand years
So just cry your fears, I need you everyday
Inside you I just want to wipe away your fears
So just cry your tears

I wish I was with you

If I stay well than your tears will set you free
If I stay right here and forever with you
everything I feel for you
Is everything I want to stay with you
If I stay right here and forever with you

My eyes

This is tearing me apart
I wish I could be in your sometimes
Feel you again
Anytime I feel like I'm too far
Than I will try to remember all ours
and your memories I know

I wish I was in you

If I stay
Well then your tears will set you free
If I stay right here than forever with you
Everything I feel for you
Is everything I want to stay with you
If I stay right here
Than forever with you

my eyes!

[ Ill Nino | With You ]

I'm sleepy, but of course I won't be sleeping or anything. Not for a while anyway. My right wrist took some beating today, so it'll bruised pretty bad tomorrow and now we're out of laundry detergent.. mean I'm running out to get some right now. Or maybe a bit later, or tomorrow, though I wanna get the laundry done tonight, just one of those things you want to get done in one shot and not leave it. Anyway, we'll see.. I spent last night making the montage as a favor for a friend.. who is doing some cd cover for her friend.. I don't even get pay for this shit, but hey, it'll look good when I got the cd itself to go into my portfolio. Besides.. I'd be up either way. It was a rainy day so I didn't paint or anything. And apparently it'll rain tomorrow too.. ha!

Elphie IE kept freezing up when I tried to go to your blog, don't know why... weird.

Listening : Rest In Pieces [ Saliva ]

yup, bad week, and it's not even half over yet. I have to drive to Woburn to get the mattboard, unbelievable, none of the art store around here has it, yup, driving.. The only think that I mind would be because I'd end up buying more stuff, artsupplies.. or just something I felt the need to get my hands on, but not really needed it.

Elphaba, glad you like the layout.. I love Eliza, she's SEXXY!!! I'm looking forward to her new movie.. Wrong Turn (though I'm not sure what it was about) I'll be like when I go see Bring It On, completely not my type of movie, but went anyway cause she was in it! I considering using Sarah M. Gellar for a layout too.. only because you can't have Faith without Buffy.. (almost type Fuffy.. that would be wrong.) ^_^ (yeah I know obsessed much??)

love to be beside you,
the way you smell
the way your lips feel
and your fingernails
the way your fingers crawl up my spine
the way you always make me
the last in line

I carry the weight of the world
as the past is unfolded
but I won't stop to wonder
going through life on my own
made me as cold as a stone
I'm a ship going under
and I'd tell you this
but I don't know how
I'm caving in and I'm falling out
and I can't resist
and I can't rebound with the weight of the world
as the world falls down

it's the way you thrill me
a little more each day
and it's what you're thinkinging
in your twisted mind
the way your body trembles
when it's next to mine

this pain I think about it everyday
it tells me I'm never gonna get away
I know it's over, but I can't escape memories
and how to face another day

[ Saliva | Weight Of The World ]

We got a little of the Bo form today, not much and I barely remember anything. My wrist still hurt and I had a bad day, yup... not a good week now that I think about it. Anyway how.. I won the auction for Rose of Verssailles, I never thought I'd see that on auction, but hey, once it's there I couldn't pass up. And also got Lain too.. never saw it, but heard lots of good thing about it so I figure i'll get it while I can. Make me feel a bit better about today. Unexpected phone call and IM, that'll do it.

Listening : Lucky [ Deftones ]

'who are you to me... just a girl with a damn good left cross.... So why do I keep thinking about you?'

My wrist hurts a bit, which is not surprising, with all the movement it went through and also the thing that had been slamming against it lately. I'm surprise it's not worst, but I gotta count my small blessing. I'm suppose to be painting the shed tomorrow or something like that. Think that maybe I should just go get my portfolio from school and maybe Tudor would have my final project waiting.. somehow I doubted that though..

Listening : Wasted Years [ Cold ]

I did a new layout for SyntheticSoul finally!!! And yeah someone did say that I'm obsessed.. but I think this choice of obsession is better than the old one, seeing how the previous one only put me in depression at the drop of a hat.

I got Cold new album and I'm loving it. I like the Spider thing they got going.. The other album "13 ways to bleed on the stage" has spider on it too. This one is "Year of the spider" Anyway.. If you didn't have it yet, gotta get it.

I updated a few links, seems that while I was busy with school a few blogs had disappeared, so I took the links down, add a few that I found along the way. That's it for right now.

Listening : Fiction [ Orgy ]

New layout, finally! Well, I've been busy with school and now that it is finally done for the semester I got the change to make a new layout. Again Eliza Dushku... first it's because I love her.. second I love Faith and third.. well, I just couldn't help myself.

Today me and Cat got a few basic moves for stick fighting.. cool, huh. As long as we don't hit each other over the head we should be fine. I don't get hit by the nunchuks anymore, well, still got caught on the side a few times.. but only when I'm not paying attention to the positions of my hands when I swing it back. But we live and learn and practice make perfect.

Listening : Rest In Pieces [ Saliva ]

IT'S OVER!!!! YES!!!! I am exhausted.. but my presentation was over, so I'm done for the semester. They were late for my time slot, though I was kinda glad that they went and took a break before my presentation, they were a bit mellowing out. Hope I did good. I mean I have mix of html and flash and JS and a bunch of other crap in there, a hell of a lot of work if you ask me.. just figuring that damn thing out, I'm no flash expert by any mean. Anyway, tomorrow I'll drop the CD off and hopefully pick up my portfolio but something told me I wouldn't be doing the second I doubt Tudor has the time. And my final project for his class is also out of the question, I won't be picking it up before the end of next week. ( he wanted to take slides of it.. ) It looked real good if I do say so myself.. SMG looks good anyway... Karen suggested that I should do that for my senior studio next semester.. I'm thinking about it.. a series of it would be good. I enjoy making them anyway, so.. I guess it is a good idea.. subject matter has to be explanable though... I guess I have the summer to think about it.

Ok... tomorrow.. tomorrow... tomorrow... Senior Studio presentation.. god I can't wait for it to be over already.. I've been doing that and that alone for the past week.. and I'm ready for the semester to end. Hopefully all the instructors will be happy. Then I can finally make a new layout for this thing.. I love Eliza so I might make another one of her.. like a series of Eliza Dushku layout.. however that will have to wait till after tomorrow. Keep my fingers crossed.. wish me luck?

I had to go and get some incence the other day, I was all out.. so now it's smell really nice here. Still SS project... it's going.. I'm trying to decide what else I should do with the layout or if I should leave it as it is. I got the flash file pretty much set as well. Review is Wed.. and I need to go in tomorrow to take down that Figure Drawing project.. SMG pic.. I was told that the wall space I put it on will be painted.. by the girl that's going to use it to hang up her stuff.. so I better go take it down before she does it for me.. oh well..

Got the chucks... I actually expecting 1, but I got 2, didn't remember that, but then I don't really know how they come in anyway. My shoes will be another week, the guy didn't have 7.5, he only had 9.5 which Dmytry ordered.. So, another week. Patient.. I am being very, very patient, at least I got the nunchucks to play with for now. I got Sukeban Deka (Asamiya Saki.. student detective.. ring a bell?? It's pretty old.. ) By Wada Shinji I got the 1 vol of the manga a long time ago.. which was a reprint, but then I didn't get the rest because I came to the US.. now I'm asking my friend to find them for me.. see what happen.

Think I did a bit better with the nunchuk.. they're light.. well, rubber and tube.. can't use the real one yet, already hit myself in the head with it.. and my shoulder.. my sides.. the back of my hand.. ok.. broke my Hermatite ring too.. FUN!!!

It's done!!! And look pretty damn good too. I guess unless someone wanna buy it, it'll go on my bedroom wall... or.. some wall. Anyway, I should get some sleep.. I thought I was gonna pass out in my class today, Sensei Al was afraid that it was because I got taken down too hard or something, but it wasn't that. It was me burning the midnight oil for weeks, not really eating either today, and with all that sweat and nothing else to go.. I sorta about to crash, sat down the last 5-10 min of class, which helps a bit.. after that.. food, yup, faster the better.. Now I feel better, project is done and if he doesnt' like it then well.. too bad. What's left now is Senior Studio, god I want it all to be done already.

Piper, thanX, finally.. I eyed it for a while too, but didn't really sit down and reread it again. Now I can tell Jamie that I didn't imagining things, that the damn story did exist!!!!

I remember the first time
How could I ever forget
It was only the beginning
Of everything I'd ever get

Here's to ancient times and distant memories
To the most lavish feast my mind has ever seen
I tasted your wine, then I drank your soul
(I) saw through your kaleidoscope

Blue Sun
Blue Sun
I never should have come
Never should have left
Blue Sun
These emotions can't be mine
I don't want to feel again
Fill the void just one more time
This will all be over soon

I've begun to hear the siren song again
Dreaming in a pretty shade of nothingness
Transcendental melodies putting me to sleep
And I pray the Lord my soul to keep

Blue Sun
Blue Sun
I never should have come
Never should have left
Blue Sun

[ Darling Violetta | Blue Sun ]

I'm doing my figure drawing project, and it is SMG, yeah ok, ok, Sarah M. Gellar.. Just wanna be lazy for a sec. Read too much Buffy/Faith lately, but don't think that's gonna stop anytime soon. The project due tomorrow, 2'x3' which is like 12 pieces of 8"x9" think I can sell it once I'm done?

'you are a god among insect, don't let anyone tell you otherwise.'
[ Magneto to Pyro ]

Listening : Always [ Saliva ]

Just got back from watching X-Men, it was cool, I liked it a lot. And that reminds me, I still didn't get X-Men on dvd.. maybe I'll wait for this one to come out and get them at the same time (ok.. so it'll be a while) I'll be watching movie for the rest of the night I think, if I can't find anything to read before that. I've been doing that a lot lately, read. I should work on my project.. I really should, but I couldn't come up with anything. What can I say... block is everywhere..

Listening : Weight of The World [ Saliva ]

Ok, so I went and helped Sensei Al's 4-5 class today, and so Sensei Lenny taught me a few basic moves for the nunchuck.. Hell yeah!! So I'm getting one.. I need to practice and not having one will not be helpful. New pair of shoes too.. So I'm getting Otomix Slider.. white/gray. Can't wait for the other ones.. I don't mind the waiting just that as long as I know when they are coming for sure, but they don't even know when they are getting them.. so we said screw it. A few more bucks for the Otomix, but hey I'll get them for sure. Besides I liked how they looked. ^_^ Now I better go nursing that aching jaw of mine.

You know what's the best part of The New Guy is? An entire scene of Eliza Dushku changing from one bathing suit to the other and dancing!! I broke down and bought it.. only for her. Guess I'm crazy.. but that's nothing new. Normal for me in fact.

I spent an hour with Pao, while she is doing her laundry and I waited so we could go get some food. I hadn't really spent any time with her much lately, but then I haven't really spent any time with anyone, except Jamie. I actually detest human company right now. Pain just won't go away and I don't know what to do about it, except just lost myself in other people's fantasy world. I finally got the photo back from her though.. my final Senior Studio 801 project. Yup complete pic and if you ask, it is 6'8"X4'8" cover 1 section of a wall. My neck and fingers were thankful when I finished with it. Too bad it wasn't appreciated by the one person I made it for. Life... what else is new.

Tomorrow I have to remember to bring the DVD for Joe... Forgot to today.. I was just in daze.. lack of sleep tend to do that to ya..

Hey Elphaba nice new layout.. ^_^ I like it.

Listening : The Fear [ Trustcompany ]

Talked to my parents last night, seem that my sister is acting up, saying if I can go to school then so can she. Well, no one said that she couldn't, except she got nothing out of it. Learn absolutely nothing, thus no point of paying all that money so she could screw around, hanging out with her friends, not even learning the language to top that off. I told mom that if she wants to learn then by all means, but she since she learn absolutely nothing then sorry, if she wants to fuck it up that bad, let her. Dad pays for the car, and since she won't help out and won't listen then take it away, but of course mom won't let that happen. I told her that it's her life, she wanna go and piss it all away then it's her problem. She can't go out and spend money if she doesn't have any, mom won't go for that either, so I told her then I have no suggestion, except me beating the shit out of her and some sense into her. And not to be vague about this, I. WILL. Nothing annoy me more than my snort nose little sister thinks she's so clever when she's not. There're always pluses being older, power was one of the plus. Have a little brain to operate with ain't a bad thing. Really, it ain't. This is just stupid.

My jaw aches, it'll go away soon, but in the mean time it hurts! I don't remember who hit me, so.. well, it happens, sparring.. you expect to get hit some. I'm quite happy to be able to get under Sensei Lenny's guard. It was great!! Got Crying Freeman, I'll get Noir #2, unfortunately they were out of it, so it kinda bite. Oh well, tomorrow.. get some light, sheets, then work on SS project.

Well, learned of some news, and let's just say that just break whatever left of me. Guess this is it. Not much else I can do but leave. Maybe someday I won't feel anymore and then it'll be better. Now I'll just have to focus on school and training. Green belt now and they'll ride us hard, not that I mind, that's just how it should be. Next month there will be stick fighting seminar at Londonderry dojo.. think I'll take that. 4 hours, Sensei Lenny said, it'll be fun.

life is like a melody
sang deep within my soul
sang deep witin to me
all these chains that shackle me
they won't let me take control
they wanna take control of me
I've got to rise above my life
to find the reason I'm alive

I'll save myself
I'm all alone
I've opened my heart to
see there's nobody home
it's up to me
I'm on my own
the message of life
is turning facing the storm

life is filled with your memory
you were deep within my heart
you were deep with inside of me
with all this pain
that I'm wrapped around
if there's a heaven up above
I see the angels falling down

I've got to rise above my life
to find the reason I'm alive
I'll save myself
I'm all alone
I've opened my heart to see there's nobody home
it's up to me
I'm on my own
the message of life is
turning facing the storm.
[ Saliva | Storm ]

Listening : Rest In Pieces [ Saliva ]

look at me,
my depth perception must be off again
cause this hurts deeper than I thought it did
it has not healed with time
it just shot down my spine
you look so beautiful tonight
remind me how you laid us down
and gently smiled
before you destroyed my life

would you find it in your heart
to make this go away
and let me rest in pieces

look at me,
my dept perception must be off again
you got much closer than I thought you did
I'm in your reach
you held me in your hands

but could you find it in your heart
to make this go away
and let me rest in pieces
would you find it in your heart
to make it go away
and let me rest in pieces

I got Hellsing OST, don't know why I did, but I did, oh well. Just for the sake of having it I think.. just me.. Count Cain clear poster a few shitajiki... other than that.. my feet hurt, my shin hurts more. Hopefully I'll be fine on Monday... nope, can't miss karate.. the only thing that make me happy anymore.. Life suck...

I called my friend tonight.. a good thing I did too.. I miss her, I miss them. I have not been talking to anyone as much as I used to. I've been reading, thinking, brooding, and just generally messing around with my site.. I occupied myself with the blog marathon.. but now that it is up I'm trying to focus my energy and attention on my SS project. Kinda hard when I have no motivation, seems to be the theme for everyone I know now. I'm gonna have to force myself. Tomorrow I'll be moving stuff down here and get it over and done with. It's not like I'm moving anywhere, just from upstairs room to downstairs apartment.. I'd say that it is.. I'll have more space here. I need space. I need a lot of thing, wanting even more, but at least I get some of them...

ThanX Elphaba yeah, green belt will go well with green pants, except I don't have any. (are there green gi?? I never really see anyone with it.) It's nice to get to advance level, finally. Though, I'm moving up the rank fast, only because I go in 5 days a week. I put my time in.

Piper thanX, that was a nice one.. Anymore??

upset? understatement of the century, but then I've been avoiding the thinking, I don't want to think. No thinking, no feeling, stuff it all back inside put it away, pretend it doesn't exist and it might just go away eventually. In the mean time just got to grit my teeth and keep going like nothing is wrong. Because I've been thinking way too much, speak of it too little and, but that's just how it is. Upset? Well, can you be upset if you are not feeling anything and been kind of numb all the way through? Busy, keeping busy, the best way to go. The only way to go. Depressing much? Yeah well, what else is new, depression is my badge, after all (besides from bruises I got from training, of course) But then I've been told that before.

My good day turned right into dust, had it not hurt then I would've found it quite amusing. Definitely, I would.. just how much of a push-over for one person can I be. Maybe I'm stupid, lesson learned? Never. Same thing over and over again. Definition of insanity, do the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result. Is that me? I'm guessing. What do you do when there is no one to tell, no one that would understand anyway. Can't explain it, don't really understand it myself, everything that happened, everything that's been going on, it just is. Automatically except, no question. Just need a place to vent...

And still I burn, I burn for you.

once my lover now my friend
what a cruel thing to pretend
what a cunning way to condescend

once my lover and now my friend
oh, you creep up like the clouds
and you set my soul at ease
then you let your love abound
and you bring me to my knees

oh, it's evil, babe
the way you let your grace enrapture me
when will you know I'd be insane
to ever let that dirty game recapture me

you made me a shadowboxer, baby
I wanna be ready for what you do
I've been swinging all around me
'cause I don't know
when you're gonna make your move

oh, your gaze is dangerous
and you fill your space so sweet
if I let you get too close
you'll set your spell on me
so, darlin' I just wanna say
just in case I don't come through
I was on to every play I just wanted you

boy oh, it's so evil, my love
the way you've no reverence to my concern
so, I'll be sure to stay wary of you, love
to save the pain of once my flame
and twice my burn

you made me a shadowboxer, baby
I wanna be ready for what you do
I've been swinging all around me
'cause I don't know
when you're gonna make your move

[ Fiona Apple : Shadowboxer ]

GREEN BELT!!!!! I am a green belt now!!! WOOOOHOOO ... yeah!!! I was terrified that I wouldn't be able to do it, the test took about 2 hours.. and now it is over.. god I'm so glad.. now there will be so much more to learn and I'll be sitting on this belt for another.. oh I don't know 6 months.. depends on how everything goes.. But one thing down. Got Cable connection.. :) So it's nice.. don't have to tie up the phone line anymore.. think everyone is happy about that. Anyway... I'll still have to move stuff down here.. now most of my books are down.. though a few more things need to be moved. Oh well, weekend.. yeah.

Hey Elphaba did you get Cerulean Sin? I'm reading it right now.. It's pretty good so far.. as for sex.. there's more of it than ther other ones, but there is reason for it.. so I didn't mind too much.

Ok, this will show you just how js illiterate I am.. I'm looking for scrolling layer script, I have it, but I know that it is not compatible with some browser.. so if anyone know one that would be compatible with all or most, please point me in the right direction.. I'll be really grateful.. I've looked, but found none..

Again, Sunday night I just couldn't sleep then I pay the price Monday morning and afternoon. I was dead to the world from noon till 3:30, wish I could sleep like that at night.. not possible. No....... there is no way it would be that simple for me. Piper thanX for the suggestion, that was touching.. ^_^ I loved it. On the other note.. got Harry Potter and The Chamber of Secret. Didn't play with it yet though. I just made another hole on my cargo pants.. they are brand new but I like them a lot.. so I'm quite sad about it, I rarely find any pair of pants that I like. Time for some shopping I guess.

I had to go get my transcript to straighten my credits out, and well, I'd like to do that as soon as possible so all the credits could be use and transfer and such. So I went, filled out the form it costed frickin' $10!! I mean, come on! Spent all that money for school then you still have to pay for that final piece of paper every time you wanted 1!! I was gonna have it mail in, but I didn't have exact address for Art Office and the lady at the registra was saying that it might not get to where it should go to.. so I just told her to stick it into the envelop and I'll carry it. I brought it in for my advisor and he looked through and get some stuff straightened out, still I need to get another 4 to transfer for my Biology class w/ lab. I'll fill the damn partition out and then send it out. God, I hate my life.. stuff just so ... *groan* Oh well.... I'm tired.

So, I'm going on the next belt test, surprising.. maybe... they decided to put me on it cause the next one will be a long wait.. and we only have 1 combination to learn and 2 kenpos (of course a bunch of stuff on the side.. I have 2 of each animals.. and other stuff) And after today session I now have the intimate knowledge of the carpet.. (got taken down on my face a few times too many.. LOL )

I've decided to draw another dragon, big one.. with the color.. and pen and a lot of the trimming.. why, you ask... I don't know.. Just wanted to. ^_^

Blog marathoner plug for Jen Nice layout for Spike.. interesting color combination.. ^_^

I spent the entire afternoon today stripping off the wallpaper from my room.. yeah yeah yeah, it's so....... wallpaper.. yuck, but it's real light in color that I rarely pay attention to it anymore.. besides I couldn't be bothered.. LOL.. now I am changing it.. deciding on the paint, though it'll be a couple days before I can paint it.. cause I'm doing it in section.. too much crap in my room to be doing it all at the same time.. Well, tomorrow is another day

A few layout plugs for fellow Buffy marathoners... JD and Blink.

Sparring today was.. ok I guess, I wasn't into it.. I felt like I couldn't really go all out.. Of course I rarely do that anyway.. Nicole never sparred before so I was afraid that I might throw too hard a kick or punch.. give it a few classes.. and I'll probably kick her like I kicked Cat.. not a good thing.. she's still a whitebelt. Though I got wailed at while I was a white belt, but that was my choice.. I don't mind getting hit, as long as it was fair. Joe let me borrow his DVD and I let him borrowed 2 of mine.. well, I brought Noir and Petshop of Horrors for him.. I think he'll like Berserk better but it's not with me right now.. suck monkey butt. Oh well.. I might need to buy Hellsing again! Frickin' A!

Yes, layout for Blog Marathon.. ^_^ a few days early, but hey! Who's complaining?? I decided that it's time to stop tweaking it.

Elphaba at least you convinced Dru to help ya out.. Poking her with a stick might not be the best of ideas, you're right. What about stake??

You're the smirk,a frown-smile hybrid that's a
little bit cocky and usually associated with
evil or arrogant,but attractive people.You
probably just don't give a damn,but it's
everyone else's fault if you don't because
you're too awesome to have any real faults.


What Kind of Smile are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

Listening : Not Falling [ Mudvayne ]

I'm done with the layout, I think, of course I won't stop tweaking it till it is up. I ended up redoing the layout for my webdesign class. Couldn't help it. I never entirely satisfied in them I guess.. and instead of having the crit this morning I had to wait for Wed.. and between now and then I might just change my mind again.. I don't know.. Oh well.. We got 2 new white belts.. Christina and Nicole (Chrisie and Nikki, they're sisters.) It's cool. I have more bruise today.. think I acquired one everyday. Hopefully my body will adjust and make me a bit harder to bruise soon.. people don't ask but they look, and sometimes I feel the need to explain, though other time I couldn't care less.

I'm working on the layout for the marathon, think I got it. Maybe.. well, I might make more changes, I might not.. Found some nice brushes, pretty cool. I need to get one of those cd wallet.. I have too many sitting on my passenger's seat, well, no one is sitting in it anyway, but still, I don't like the fact that it'll get scratched. I'm more organize than that, but lately I have no motivation for it.

am I made of glass, 'cause you see right though me

Elphaba is back! Glad to see your blog is back up, nice layout, love the image, love the color. ^_^

I arise from dreams of thee
In the first sweet sleep of night,
When the winds are breathing low,
And the stars are shining bright
I arise from dreams of thee,
And a spirit in my feet
Has led me -- who knows how? --
To thy chamber-window, sweet!

The wandering airs they faint
On the dark, the silent stream, --
The champak odors fall
Like sweet thoughts in a dream,
The nightingale's complaint,
It dies upon her heart,
As I must die on thine,
O, beloved as thou art!

O, lift me from the grass!
I die, I faint, I fall!
Let thy love in kisses rain
On my lips and eyelids pale,
My cheek is cold and white, alas!
My Heart beats loud and fast
Oh! press it close to thine again,
Where it will break at last!

[ Percy Bysshe Shelley | I Arise From Dreams Of Thee ]

I like a life that's sheltered
I'm constantly alone
they're painting out my weakness
there's an emptiness at home
I need to find a reason to life this way
I'm running out of patience and my life is over

I'm standing here but I'm on my way
searching to find an answer
I'm standing here but it's all the same
and I'm running out of patience
I have obtained my reason for you
I have gained a reason for you
but you left me you left me here and I'm all ALONE

I've been striped of my innocence I take pity in myself
a certain chain of events that have left me in this HELL
I NEED to find a reason to life THIS way
I'm running out of patience and my life is over

I NEED YOU I WANT YOU
BUT I NEED TO GET AWAY FROM YOU

[ Spiritfall | My Reason ]

Listening : My Reason [ Spiritfall ]

Elphaba you just moved your site, didn't you? New hosting company?? That kinda suck. Thank god I never have problem with mine *shuddered* hope everything is back to normal soon.

Sensei Al said in exchange of the help (at the dojo) we'll work something out, most likely it'll be private lessons... or weapon, I told him weapon. At this point I'd prefer to learn the applications of it than forms. How would you pull off the form if you can't move it correctly (or flip it, spin it... whichever.) That'll be so cool.

so why do you always
take a part of ne
search yourself
for what you're looking for
two can play it
and you're losing the game
the time will come
and I will leave you
all alone

[ Spiritfall | What Happened to The First Time ]

Listening : My Reason [ Spiritfall ]

I'm watching Cruel Intention again, no not because I'm crazy about the movie or anything, only watch it cause Sarah Michelle Gellar.. ok, so there's another blonde.. after Andrea Thompson. And no Helga, don't say I told you so.. I know you always thought SMG as hot and I only grudgingly agreed with you before and now I agreed with you... But.. I still like Eliza Dushku better. *EG* It's the leather get-up, babe... or was the dimple?? ummmmmmmmm.... :) Buffy-thon is April 7th right Elphaba? BTW. what happened to your blog?? Couldn't get to it for the past 2 days.

Tired, now I knew I should've worn that black slack this morning. If I did that there would be no black stripes on my legs from the sketchboard. I have to remember to bring pastel next class.. I hate using those.. too much dust, not that charcoal don't, but well, I won't have to concern myself with multicolor smudge on my face, oh yeah and multi color drawing.. can never decide which color to use.. kinda suck. Tomorrow another project due.. I'm done with that anyway.. no big deal. Off to read now.

Listening : Decompression Period [ Papa Roach ]

I got to the High School gym that they held the tournament at 8 frickin' AM. I was early, no one was there yet so I went and drove around for a few more minutes then came back, then they started setting up. I took 3rd in sparring.. it was the roundhouse to the head, I was concerned that I would actually do the back fist and actually hit the headgear.. (they are more strick about that this year it seemed) Thus.. I lost she got the 3rd point before I did. Anyway, I stayed till Jr Black Belt did their weapon kata.. the nunchuck looks pretty good right now. I can handle the sais, handle as in flipping them in both hands and such.. not that there are many ways to hold them. 19" chromed steel. Anyway, back to school tomorrow.. and I'm looking forward to the training. I have to get better.

Listening : My Reason [ Spiritfall ]

Tournament is in the morning. I went into the dojo this morning to help out. There were more kids in that class than the rest, which was why Sensei Natalie asked me to come in, Cat was there as well. There was this 4 year old that I thought it was too early for him to be doing this, maybe another year. I'm not saying all 4 year old are not ready for karate class or whatever class like this, just that some are and some aren't. There was another 4 year old who did very well and stay put I guess it depends. Sensei Al came and let me go help some other older kid instead, which is a good call, cause he couldn't follow what I was telling him. I have to stay on him and such, which is not what I want to do. Anyway, shoudl be in bed soon. Gotta get up early.

Listening: Understanding [ Evanescence ]

I think I've been shutting myself away more than I've been. Depressed? I don't think I am, but hey I can't really tell when I spent most of that alone time reading or working on my project. I can't wait to get out of here and my parents are... well, they are getting old and I've been away for 7 years now, time for me to go home. I can only grit my teeth and tell myself that I'll go home soon. Then another thing hit me, 3 years and all I've done, we're falling apart. It's like I'm invisible to her, and maybe I am. Seems to be the last on her list, always. Like I'm just a nobody. Guess when it's time for me to leave then there won't be anything left to even make me feel bad for leaving. Psy doesn't want me to, and that's very sweet of her, but does anyone else care? Tomorrow (or rather today) I'll have to go into the dojo in the morning, Sensei Natalie asked if I could come in, and seeing how I need to do something I said ok.. though it'll be much earlier than I would get up normally during the weekend. But I need for someone to take a look at my form before Sunday, and this way maybe Sensei Al could take a look. I'll probably be there for an hour and come home to crash. Sunday is tournament, hopefully it'll be bigger than the last one I was at. Sensei Al said it should be, I hope so. This time I'll go by myself so I can watch till the end, last time I couldn't cause Uncle George was practically asleep on his feet, I felt bad so I stayed long enough for weapon kata and we left. This time I wanna see black belt sparring as well. Oh well, we'll see.

'Have you ever just been?'

'Been what?'

'No what. Just been. To just find the perfect person for you, someone that makes you feel completely different. To just be with that person and not think about anything at all, not sex, or words, or feelings. Absolutely nothing. To look at a person and just think how much you want to hold them in your arms, to prove to yourself that they're real. It's like, if they're there, then there's no one else in the world. There's just you and them and nothing else. No thoughts, no words, no problems. Just sheer contentment. Pure happiness to just take the person into your arms and hold them for the rest of your lives. To just be.'

'What are you trying to say, Faith?'

'With you I feel like I can just be.'

[ Faith and Buffy | Chance In Hell by Ophelia C. ]

StarStreaks, thanX, nice to meet you as well. Hope you feel better, I just got over flu myself...

Mood : Giddy ^___^

FAITH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yup, blog marathon, BTVS and I got Faith! I love Faith! Faith is a hottie! Eliza Dushku is hot! God I love Faith!! My tortured little soul, Faithy! Now I better look for image.

Listening : Once In A While [ Dishwalla ]

Elphaba thanX for dropping me a line, and yes it is good to do something a bit different. I'm in need of cheery things right now.. (thus the cutsie layout) Oh and also I wanna just throw a friend for a loop.. Since I'm such a quiet depressing creature. ^_^

Anyone ever read Gon? Loved that little Dino! I went and dug out my Flash 4 book. (I have flash 5 but why buy a new book when essentially they are the same with a few differences) Chris bought it for me, it doesn't seem like much of a gift, but she bought it for me and that means a lot. Oh well, it was one of the last thing she ever bought me.

Ok, so the new layout isn't really what I usually do, but I figure to cheer myself up I'll try something more cheery. Helga, kitty ya know I'm setting this up for some shock value, right. ^_^ I know you expecting that from me, but we'll see. I went to Worcester Art Museum with a friend today, I didn't have to, but she did. I figure what the hell, not that I'm doing anything anyway. She had to do it for Art History, I'm so glad I got it over with. We stopped, got some food and then I came home. Maybe I'll take a nap, or find something to read. I read a bit late last night which is why I'm kinda tired now. I hate getting up early. Just not my thing, never was. I don't know how people do it, get up early and happy to do it. x_X

Listening : Slept So Long [ Jay Gordon ]

New layout, I know, I know, it's so not me, but hey... Hope it works..

I should be bringing my car in for oilchange today, but I was out like a light (a good thing..) I'm thinking about a new layout for this, as well as new layout for SyntheticSoul, I mean I like the Subaru one, that's why it is on this long. I went through my sketchbook (I have several, always, usually at least 3 at any given time, this one I didn't pick up for a while) and I found the drawing that I did for Chris, I even forgot I made that! She has the original now.. god knows what she wanted to do with that. Well, I'll veg out at home till it's time for sparring.

Listening : Breakdown [ Tantric ]

We got more snow today, why is it always Thur? And why did it have to start during figure drawing?? I got home, stuck inside cause well, I don't need any accident, so I stayed in, missed the training, then once the snow stopped, I went out, shovelled the entire forsaken driveway by myself, took me an hour, but I need to do it, a little workout. Hopefully this is the last snow we gonna see this year. I've had enough for the next 5 years. Though by next year I'll be in Thailand and I'll never see snow ever again! Actually I should call my parents tomorrow night to check on the progress of the one ring.. it's gonna be so cool. ^_^

Oh and I almost forgot.. Elphaba nice layout, love it, think it's your best one yet. ^_^

Listening : Taking Over Me [ Evanescence ]

Ok, it's been uneventful days for the past couple of days and blogger still being annoying, it won't upload my entries, and I'm not sure why. Spring Break is next week and guess where I'm going! NO WHERE!!! I'll be spending my week working on the SS project which they trashed me for. God I hate school, the classes are unproductive. Except maybe Figure Drawing, I'm trying to break out of my habit in that class and so far it was starting to work. As long as we get decent looking model in I don't care. As for other classes, all I can see is.. total waste. I need the credit though, so not much can be done there. Karen had been telling me how much she hates the school right and and well, I feel the same. All the money you spent and you learn absolutely nothing new.

I managed to faxed my parents the elvish script that was on the one ring last night. And my dad will have it made for me. (wooooooohooooo) I love my parents. I didn't think about how they would etch the script on the inside till my dad brought it up while he try to get a few details clear. They will have to do it before bend it and fuse it into a ring, I should tell him to polish it too, but then I think he knew.. after all I got the picture of the replica faxed as well. Made my night let me tell ya. Don't know when my aunt is coming back so..he'll have it rushed probably a day or two... I guess, if not well, we'll figure something out, but I do want it. I don't think they understand why I would want it made, but hey.. they didn't really ask.

I am having one of those unproductive, depressing day. I wanna do something, but I don't know what. I called a few people and well, got no answer, none, nope, nah-dah. Why is it that I allow them to reach me whenever they feel like it and it wouldn't be the same for me. Think it's time to just forget all these people, I guess it just one way street. I hate it here, I want to go home.

Playing : Somewhere I Belong [ Linkin Park ]

I got a pair of Sais, Sensei Natalie went ahead and picked up a pair for me (I only asked her about the price) I guess she figure if I asked then I'll get them eventually so she went ahead and got them. I went and picked them up and tried to determine if they are too short, too long.. got a book too.. according to the traditional use, when you hold 1 in your hand you should have an inch or so left past the tip of your index finger and 1 inch past your elbow.. so the ones I got was a bit short.. I went and exchanged them to the 19" Now I'm getting use to them (flipping them in my hand and all that) There actually wasn't much books on sai and handling methods out there, so I got 1 that I saw all the time. Today sparring was all right, got more bruises (that's normal now.. ) I didn't spar Dmytry or Joe, I did with Tim and well, I kicked him between his legs.. (OUCH!!) Sorry about that budd.. didn't mean to. Tonight I'll be playing with my sais and just read. I'll watch City By The Sea later, I fell asleep on it last night. o_O

Listening : Imaginary [ Evanescence ]

Yes, it's out today! I got the old album, and the new one has a few of the songs from there (origin) though it has been remix and such.. like Imaginary, there are some changes and same goes for My Immortal (there was no violin playing in the original) I thought Missing was gonna be on this one, but it wasn't. I'm waiting for my friend to come online right now so I can show her what I got so far for SS, I'm presenting tomorrow at 3:15, it should've been at 2:15 but Gavarini screwed it up! Oh well, no use bitching about it.

Well, I'm wracking my brain, trying to come up with something for the SS. Nothing, nope, nah-dah.. I still don't get flight # from her or the time. She said she is coming, but then again, this is Chris we are talking about. And when the hell did she start calling me baby, that just hurts. I should get back to the drawing.. at least I drew something..

Sparring was today, apparently we don't have Wed class next week, which work out great, if, if Chris is coming. I will have to pick her up from the airport and she did say that she is coming in around 7pm. Let's just hope that she is coming, cause I will be really pissed otherwise, and then I'll have to stop talking to her cause it is becoming too much for me to handle. Oh well.. just one of those things.

When you cared about someone so much and at the same time knowing that they don't care about you at all, or they do but not enough, it just ends in you being in a world of hurt. Yeah, I am, in a world of hurt. And there was nothing I can do about it, unless I am willing to walk away. But I'm not ready, not willing. So I am stuck, like a bug in the tar, slowly sinking, and no one noticed, no one cared to notice. Until you sunk completely and disappeared.

It is a sad thought that someone you cared about so much cared not for you. And that someone loves what you can do for them and not you. They won't tell you that, but it is there to be seen and heard, just underneath all of those endearments that seem to come so easily. The worse part of all of this is that you couldn't, for the life of you, figure out why it has to be this particular person. Wish someone could tell you why, but no one knew, no one could fathom the reason.

Maybe there is absolutely no reason at all. Maybe it is just another way, another lesson you needed to learn.

She called, asking if she ever thank me for dubbing her StoneSour, I said no. I did ask if she liked 'bother' and she didn't really give me an answer, not the definite yes or no anyway, she only said.. yeah... in not so enthusiastic way so I didn't press about the StoneSour cd. She used to not like Slipknot either, now she does.... well, let's just say.. I did my part. ^_^ She said it often enough.. 'It only took you 3 years! Now I like your type of music!' Well, she didn't say 'my type of music' but anyway...

The presentation went well enough, they were impressed.. I guess when 98% of the class had never touch html before, let alone knowing what they can and can't do with it. I got a head start. Even w/o the sites that I'm doing now, I still had basic html class before, so I did play with it in school environment. We didn't talk much about design in class, though it is a design class, most of the student needed the basic course in html that's why. Anyway, it was sorta waste for me, but whatever, that won't let me wave the class when I have nothing on paper that said I know what I'm doing and let me get through to web2.

I am as of now a step up. I got blue/stripe today, I was kind of out of it, but I did react faster than last night. Last night was bad, really bad, I couldn't think of anything, couldn't remember the kenpo.. even when Sensei Al showed me again and again and I couldn't even follow while he showed me, that's how bad it was. Tonight it took 1 look and I got it. Guess the stress is getting to me now. I think the fact that she's not coming this week is a blessing, even though I am disappointed. I have too much to do, and it'll end with midterm review for senior studio next Wed.. which will be the day she's coming in... I'll be ready to rest by then. Anyway, here is the piece that Chris asked for as soon as she saw the image. And I made another one for her.. with a red dragon wrapped around a sword. I have to look for that photo.. though I only have the unfinished photo of the piece, well she's coming up, I guess I can ask her to take me a pic of it. A pic of her portrait too. I found the small piece I did as a mock piece for the portrait.. smaller, much, much smaller and less detail (because it is smaller, I can over look a few things.. I tried to keep even the smallest details, but sometimes you just can't help it.) And here. Better be off to bed..

We live for desire eternally. [ Cecilia Tan ]

She's not coming, not this Wed anyway.. That's what she said, I don't even know why I'm disappointed... since I kinda have the feeling that she's not coming already. I guess it's not the worse thing.. since I need to do a lot of things.. I have project due tomorrow, website, then I need to meet with Tudor and then I have belt test. Next Wed though I have Senior Studio midterm review. My teacher screwed the list up.. she put me for 2:15 herself, then she e-mail me and told me my name isn't on the list. So now I had no choice but to go on a later time.. now I'm on at 3:15, just great.

we are all accursed to walk this earth with our unfulfilled desire, both you and I. and when you walk the path to your desire, my friend, may your walk be a short one, as short as mine is long.

*click* sounded more and more familiar to me, yup sound of the phone being turned off. Why is it that I can never hang up on anyone, least of all her, but she hangs up on me left and right. Every little thing I said pissed her off, it's a mistake calling me? Well, newsflash, I am a mistake. From the first moment we met. Why are we still doing the same old song and dance? I don't know, I don't know why we don't just stop, call it quit and take it as lost time. Wasted.

I tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone
but though you're still with me
I've been alone all along

I'm in my class now and I just noticed a few things on here that shouldn't be, and also a few things that needed corrections... only because I copied them from my previous layout (the one before last) it happened when I have several backups. Blame it on the lack of zipdrive at the time. I can't work on my layout now because they don't have the font I used.. bummer.. so I have to go back home to do what needed to be done. Also this.. a few corrections.. I better do it on the original file so I don't have to do it twice. I wanna go home, like, right now. But of course I can't. The new layout seems to be in working order, no more error 104. I think it has everything to do with the fact that I switched a few things that I shouldn't, I guess. Unsolved Mystery... nah I'm not about to try to solve that one anytime soon... busy.. school..

Didn't hear from Chris yet, guessing tomorrow night before I know for sure if she's coming or not. Hopefully she is.. cause I miss her, I rarely say that anymore, and same goes for her, so it surprised me when she said it first. Someone is sucking up... shopping, seafood, sushi, and just hiding she said.. can I give her that, sure I can. Always take care of her, always.

I'm working on my web design 1 class project... It is a good class if I have no idea what I'm doing with dreamweaver or html in general, unfortunately I couldn't skip it and go ahead to web2, so I'm suffering. Anyway, I did a small sketch to use for the homepage. (ok I know I should put more effort into it, but well, I'm too lazy.. ) And the sketch is here It's just a quick sketch.. I'm working on how I would fit the thing into the layout and make it look better.. (ok maybe it won't look better once it is done, but the thing due this Wed..)

Finally, a new layout. I've been hitting blocks.. So, she is coming, and her flight will come in in the afternoon, around 1PM, a good thing cause I will be out of the class and have nothing to do till later in the evening. My problem now is, should I leave her at home while I go and take the belt test or should I take her with me, she can't watch either way, Sensei Natalie doesn't allow that.

New layout.. the image is from Shirahime-Syo, by Clamp. A collection of short stories.. the story was that the woman waiting for her lover to return by freeze herself in the frozen lake and when he came home to find her dead and frozen just like the day he left.. well, you get the picture.. I'll get the synopsis later.. The song is Even In Death by Evanescence.. you might've heard a song by them on Daredevil Soundtrack (Bring Me To Life and My Immortal.)

give me a reason to believe that you're gone
I see your shadow so I know they're all wrong
moonlight on the soft brown earth
it leaves me to where you lay
they took you away from me but now I'm taking you home

I will stay forever here with you, my love
the softly spoken words you gave me
even in death our love goes on

some say I'm crasy for my love, oh my love
but no bonds can old me from your side, oh my love
they don't know you can't leave me
they don't hear you singing to me

and I can't love you anymore than I do

[ Evanescence | Even In Death ]

I know I said that this thing will be down by midnight of the 21st, but I've been out all afternoon and right now a massive headache is about to do me in. Sword seminar was cool, never handle a sword like this before so ... I'm guessing I can get a lighter one.. the flexible kind, but the one we got was good for what it was for.. practicing. I guess it'll be a good idea for me to handle it as often as I could manage.. right now the skin between my index finger and my thumb got rubbed raw.. (try doing the figure 8 with the sword over and over again and made sure that the blade facing the right way.. oh yeah.. blister..) I'll ask about the sai, Sensei Al said Sensei Natalie has the sai's form.. and numchuck that would be good too.. that being said I shoudl get a pair of sai and also numchuck.. what do you think? Which one should I get first??

I still don't know if Chris is actually coming or she is just pulling my chain.. (there is no need to tell me that she is going to come into town if she isn't really coming, though. But we all know her.. she might just change her mind the last minute or she just don't really care either way...) If she is coming she'll probably tell me the time and flight # the night before, if not I'll probably know the night before or the day of.. I hope she tells me before though.. I need time to get things done.. either way.. early notice would be nice.

I really don't know if she's coming or not. She didn't give me the time or the flight number, but that is just so typical christine thing to do. She'll wait till the last minute before telling me, but I need to run errands this weekend if she's coming into town. There are things I need to get done just so I won't get tied up. And as usual, I can't get a hold of her, this is just unbelievable... I'm too tired to deal with this crap. I'm actually looking forward to her coming over, and I'm quite happy about it, but sometimes I wonder if it worth all the trouble.

Well, Blogger still giving me a hard time about the Error 104, so my archive page looked really weird, but this will be down by Friday night at midnight.. though that would mean that I need to come up with something.. and quick! On the other note.. a friend of mine is visiting, coming into town this Wed, she really want to get the hell out of there I guess... (why would ya wanna be in New England this time of the year is beyond me... snow, freezing cold... um...) It'll be a bit warmer tomorrow, but still... Plan for this friday is cancelled... I have Sword Seminar from 6-8 but to track around in Boston all day before that not a nice image... ^_< Anyway... I also have another belt test next Wed.. I'm hoping that even though she actually comes in... It'll be later that night.. the belt test usually runs from 6 to about 7, but I'll get blue w/stripe... might take longer.. Jamie said he'll pick her up for me, but I still wanna be there to pick her up.. Oh well, we'll see...

Well, I hate valentine.. and this isn't the first time I said it. Either way I don't give a rat ass anymore. As for 'her' fuck her! I don't care anymore.

It's a bad day, I hate flu!!! I hate it, I hate it, I hate it!! I woke up this morning, the pain in my back was just unbearable, my throat was killing me, man that was just great. When you couldn't even lay on your back without feeling it. Hopefully it'll be over by this week. Just took some nyquil, it'll help (I hope it will) Blogger still giving me trouble, maybe it's the new layout.. I'm done playing with it though, it'll be done at midnight on the 21st anyway.

February 21st we'll have broad sword seminar at the dojo, teaches by Master Bruce, will be good. Do I have enough money???

Blogger is giving me hell again. And this time I really don't know what to do, I kept getting Error 104. I checked but there was nothing that is out of place or missing. HELP!!!! I felt a bit better after a few hours of sleep and a few pills... (yeah, well, what can I say... )

New layout, will be up from now, it is for valentine.. (I know a bit early, but hey...) And it will be taken down exactly a week from Friday the 14th.

SNOW!!! Well, we got more of that today, at least it was the fluffy one and not wet and heavy.. didn't take too long to shovel it and get the cars out of the driveway and just in time for sparring. I love the class, fun. Of course flag tag my head connected with the kid.. kinda hurt, still hurt. Too bad with the snow I didn't get to see movie, Cat was gonna come with me.. but with snow and everything her parents didn't like the drive from here to there. Anyway.. maybe tomorrow.

Well, I crumbled... God!! I couldn't believe.. just like that.

We got male model today, and let's just say I wasn't that happy. I mean, who would want to look at some ugly guy?? I don't. Not with clothe and certainly not without. Anyhow... once in class he was just something to draw, so it wasn't disturbing once the class start. Sometime drawing male is easier.. (just because of the fact that there ain't many curves to be worried about.) The only joy in my life seems to be my karate class.. not that it's a bad thing it is actually a really good thing. I love my class. Tomorrow is sparring and we should get some more people, though it seems that the weather will be crappy tomorrow.

I see the end is near.. and if it is.. then the new layout for this blog that I've been playing with to put up for valentine will have to be thrown out. ok, it's nothing pink of flowery or romantic. Just me and my only love.. but then again love suck!

AHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!! Ok so the soup is too hot and stupid me I didn't wait for it to cool down before taking a sip.. Oh well, I have a homework that I still did not do and it is due tomorrow at 12. Well, I can go to bed a bit late.. :)

Got a new scanner, finally. What I need next would be zip drive.. I need one, I got so use to having one and now I don't it annoys me. One thing at the time. I spent most of my day shopping with my aunt and remember clearly why I don't do that anymore.. it's fucking tiring!! Shopping isn't my favorite past time, I can find better things to do.. I shop too much like a guy anyway.. go in get what I want and leave, so when I have to walk around because someone else wanted to look around is just not fun to me. I can tolerate when it's Chris who does that, for the obvious reason, other than her, I can stand that from no one else.

We got the same model for Thursday, and now I know her name. Nope I did not talk to her, kinda feel a bit weird to be talking to her while she's in her robe and reading. Anyway... well, got a new wallet.. the one with chain.. don't ask why I just wanted one. I wanted that belt at Banana Republic.. I'll get it next time.. probably Wed. I'm watching Signs.. actually I'm just finished the movie. Interesting, but I don't think I'll buy it. I wanted to see S1MONE, but they were out of it.. I don't wanna buy the DVD unless I know for a fact that I'm gonna like it. Oh yeah, I found a ring that fits my pinkie too.. I have small hands.. so that was a tough one. But I did it.. it is a mood ring, I'm not planning on keeping it forever and ever and it was more of a moment thing so this will stay on my finger for as long as it will last. Chris said I'm extra snappy today, and I wasn't trying to be, she contradicted herself and I see absolutely no point of her even calling me while she is shopping at all. She's trying to please, but that is not the way. Well, maybe she wasn't trying to please, but just to kill time, since I'm just a nobody. Why the fuck did she care anyway.