October 30, 2002

Currently: should be working out, but not
Doing: nothing..

I'm so tired right now I could cry. We intended to go to the gym, we got there all right, but there was no parking.. and with us being really really tired to begin with, we just left, I guess we try again tomorrow. But more than anything else, I miss her so much

October 29, 2002

Currently: working on the project..
At The Moment: eating..

So, me and Karen will start going to the gym at school, they just finished rec center this year and it is really nice we finally found the time that we can go together too, so it will work out. So, I'll be working out and also karate.. fun!! I was told that my body type will not allow me to be thin, thin.. but if I really want to I will have to really workout.. ok I don't wanna me stick thin, I just want some muscle on me that's all. It'll help with karate too. Anyway, it'll kill time and reduce stress.. so I hope.

X: 'and all I wanted to say was... does all the thing I've done mean nothing to you? Don't I mean something?'

October 28, 2002

What Kind of Virgin Are You?

brought to you by Quizilla
Currently: watching...
Doing: some thinking

I'm working on my project.. I had to rescan the photo again and redo the whole thing.. It's annoying because I really like how the other one came out and so I'm afraid that when I'm done with this one I might not like it as much or it won't be as good, I don't know, but I really need it to be big so that I could print it out in grid and not get all granny on me. The final size will be 6'8"x4'8". That is a lot bigger than anything I've ever made, so it'll be interesting. The fact that I'm trying to get over her while doing this won't be fun. No not at all. Don't you wish you could just turn it all off like that. Just forget it and go on with life.

October 24, 2002

Currently: looking for a movie to watch
Doing: just trying to remember

Got first part of a new kata, a bit confused but I'll get over that. Called a friend, got the mom instead and surprisingly she asked how I was doing, I know the starting of a conversation when I hear one so I talked to her for a bit and then she said she'll tell my friend to call back, well, I'm not holding my breath, and I told her that too. She just laughed. Anyway, I'm looking for black contact paper, they seems to be all out at the store, it is the most difficult to find, and damnit! I needed it, otherwise I will have to use black paper and white contact paper, that will screw me up.

October 22, 2002

Revolutionary Girl Utena OST: $20
Revolutionary Girl Utena The Movie Artbook: $45
Disturbed/Believe CD: $12
Kaneda on the bike figure: $17
Angel Sanctuary Artbook/Angel Cage: $22
Neogenesis Evangelion Eva Test Type 01: $18
Robotech Macross YF-19A: $80
3 books: $N/A
2 manga: $N/A
Illustration of original character/Pen Stealer: --
Illustation project/product packaging.. with Eva Prototype 01 inside: --

Birthday gifts...and making her happy : $ priceless...


Ok, I just did that because a friend asked what I got Mon Ange for her birthday and how much did I spend... and I realized I didn't think of it that much.. I slowly bought the stuffs over period of time.. I mean all she actually asked for was the YF-19A, the rest it's me looking around and found stuff that I think she would really like.. I just got a warning not to go overboard for Christmas... of course not I have too many people to buy things for...

October 21, 2002

Currently: feeling disconnected
Doing: cutting

Master Selfdefense Tournament Fall 2002
Kata: 1st
Sparring: 2nd

Yup, tournament is done and it's Fun!! I liked it. Weapon kata looked really cool, of course I won't get those till later. Now... belt test Tuesday, I'll be purple. Something to look forward to, since I have nothing else right now.

October 17, 2002

Currently: doing a trial version of the portrait
Listen: the tv

Today we had exam in Survey 1, well, let's just say I probably did not do good on it. I got some and didn't get some, but hey what do you expect. I cleaned up the image that I'm gonna use for the final project and I will still have to do a small version before start with the actual one, for some reason I don't think Chris will be too thrill when she sees this! She probably prefer that I draw her, but you know what... I don't have a good enough picture that both she and I approve and since she give me shit about watching her sleep.. (well, if I was watching her, then she wasn't watching me.. that's my whole thing, besides it was all of 2-3 minutes!!) And so she suggested that I draw her while she's asleep.. ok that's not a good suggestion since it suggested that we are something more when we are not. Sad isn't it, I think 3 years is long enough especially when I know that she will never love me back.

October 16, 2002

Currently: raining outside
Doing: taking a break from sketching..

It's been raining all day which is fine except that it is cold and I had to walk back and fort between buildings. I know what I want to do for the next project and I'm starting right now, the photo were a bit dark, ok, not a bit, but really dark, so I scanned them as light as possible and still keep the details... I'm still deciding on the size though, it'll be really big, but how big.. I don't know yet, I'll get the simplified version of the pic done first and then I'll decide I guess.. (If I sounded confusing that's because I'm not quite all here) Now I'm just trying to get the image to be recognizable and still doable especially when it's gonna be cut out can't be too detail on that, but I'm trying. I just hope that I don't screw up somewhere in between. We went to Revolving Museum today. It's really cool, though we were wet and cold and all I could do was yawning the entire time. (hey, I am sick, ya know) Tomorrow we got exam in Art History, so I'll be studying a bit. But right now though I think I'm ready for bed... nyquil is starting to kick in.

October 13, 2002

Currently: contemplating stuff...
Doing: typing... duh..

I've been sick for the past week, no not the bed ridden kinda sick yet, but it might get to that, slowly. I took some med then went to bed this is how my night usually went this week and will be tonight too, I think. So, she called me and got all mad because I didn't call her. If my recallection serve me right, this entire week I had not been able to reach her at all during the night because she had been bonding with someone else, so can you blame me for not calling? Besides, we had just had that conversation where I've laid down my condition, again I might add, but this time it went pretty bad. Suddenly I've become just friend, so I guess I can see how important I actually was. And maybe, just maybe she actually afriad I will go away. Just maybe.

On a happier note, I got the spiderweb! Yes, the giant spiderweb that Sensei Natalie ordered for me with her halloween stuff. I'll put it up tomorrow I think, now it's sitting on the floor of my room I have to have a plan in my head how it would go first before trying. Anyway, that just made my day a bit more pleasant.

October 10, 2002

Currently: sleepy
Doing: nothing..

Ok, so I said something that I think I shouldn't have yesterday, and she was upset, but guess what I'm upset about it, because it seemed it was all about her, when it is about me. I refused to be there just to make her happy when I will be miserable.. so I wanted out. And that's what I told her, so now it's me trying to abandon her. It's all about her, I should've known that, though. Wanting her to be happy shouldn't mean that I have to be there even when I will be miserable. She called last night, wanting to know if I was still mad at her. I wasn't, more like mad at myself for feeling anything. Emotions suck big time.

October 09, 2002

Currently: listening to The Thinner
Feeling: like shit

say a pray for me
cause I can barely breath
I'm suffering & I can't take it
because of me
no one will ever see
this side of me
if I don't make it
it's like I can't wake up
it's like I can't get up
it's like I can't remember who I used to be
am I running from you
or am I running from me
clear a path from me
clear a path for me
cause I can barely see
I'm suffering & I can't shake it
it's up to me
to save myself from me
my enermy
but I can't face it
I'm breaking now
I'm breaking now
I'm breaking out
here I come
can't wake up cause I'm no one

[ TRUSTcompany : Running From Me ]

October 08, 2002

your lipstick, his collar, don't bother angel
I know exactly what goes on

when everything you'll get is everything that you've wanted, princess
which would you prefer
my finger on the trigger, or me face down across
just so long as this thing's loaded

and will you tell all your friends, you've got your gun to my head
this all was only wishful thinking

let's go

don't bother trying to explain it angel
I know exactly what goes on
how about I am outside of your window
watching him keep the details covered
you're such a sucker for a sweet talker

and will you tell all your friends, you've got your gun to my head
this all was only wishful thinking

the only thing I regret is that I never let you hold me back

hoping for the best just hoping nothing happens
a thousand clever lines unread on clever napkins
I won't ever ask if you don't ever tell me
I know you well enough to know you'll never love me

why can't I feel anything from anyone other than you
all of this was all your fault
I stay wrecked and jealous for this simple reason
I just need to keep you in mind as something larger than life

[ Taking Back Sunday : Cute Without the E (cut from the team) ]

October 07, 2002

You're Minoru!

You're young, but more worldly than your 'elders' could ever hope to be. Personality and circumstance have dictated that most protean of roles to you - that of the 'mature' one. You're sensitive and gentle, and your pleasures are taken with the same quiet smile as your defeats - not that your pillow hasn't known the sting of your tears. As intelligent and independent as you may be, you're still just a child.

Which Chobits Character Are You? quiz by Neru

October 06, 2002

Currently: watching tv and starting Still Waters: A Helen Black Mystery
Listen: nothing really, just the tv

Cleaning my shoes right now, yes my black doctor marten's, I just made a habit of cleaning it with the wax everytime I wear them. My head feel a bit stuffy and tired, and just generally crankly. Chris didn't call back, I guess she won't be calling tonight. I sicky and I sleepy..
Currently: finished up Pat Welch's Murder by the Book: A Helen Black Mystery
Listen: Always [ Saliva ]

I finished Witchfire: Connor Hawthone Mystery and Murder by the Book I got 7 books from the trip to Boston last Saturday, already finished 3 of them, it's slow only because I didn't get the chance to sit down and really read.. even Witchfire that I want to finish and get it out to Chris, I still didn't really read it till today that I got the chance. I bought 9 books... 7 of them were novel, mysteries and 1 was Utena Illustration book and Clamp short stories.. Mailed out the stuff for her birthday yesterday afternoon, keeping my fingers crossed that she will get them on Monday which is her birthday, that will make her happy, I think. Though I should've include a card in there, but I was never big on card unless I make them by hand.. and I didn't have the chance.. I should've been more attentive about it, I know, but hey I was busy.. At least I remember her birthday. Chatted with mom and dad.. got a green light for a trip to MO, I'm thinking they understood that or they just pitied me for the fact that I got stuck here, otherwise I doubted they would let me spend that kind of money. Mom is recovering from surgery.. she even asked if Chris wanted anything for her birthday... um................. kinda scary if you ask me.

October 03, 2002

Status: sleepy
Listen: Don't Speak [ No Doubt ] not my choice people...

I feel so shitty getting up, I even thought about not showing up in class then again I will probably miss a day or two of class after or before thanks giving break.. so I better show up whether I like it or not. Anyway, I'll stay at school all day, because I'm tired and I don't wanna be running around back and fort, I got Witchfire with me and finally I'll read it, if I go home and tried to read I will be reading Murder by the Book by Pat Wetch instead, because I started it at the same time. Hey Mon Ange I miss you!

October 02, 2002

wish I could be the one thing that you need, knowing I will never be. you don't need me, so why am I hanging around, why am I even play this game, I haven't got a slightest idea why. I follow your rules, let you dictate everything in this supposed relationship that we have, whatever that may be.. friend, or otherwise. is it time that I change the rules? maybe, maybe not, maybe I'll just stay till I can't take it anymore and leave, rules or no rules, I don't feel like leaving yet. Because it'll break my heart with just the thought. but what's another broken heart, when you broke it countless time already.