Listening : Broken [ Seether ]

Well, a greeting card arrived today from insurance company for my little brother (the annoying pest that thinks he can just slide through school and not really paying any attention, I think if you open his head you'll only see info on games.. and not much else) And well, I liked the illustration so I'm gonna use it for blog layout.. I'm gonna try to get it done and coded tomorrow, actually, it should be.. today since it's 3:15 AM already. LOL

I've been busy.

I want Sony Handycam and well, apparently my uncle is going to buy it for me.. 'cause I don't have any money and I didn't wanna be asking my parents.. I could, of couse and my dad would say he'll just take so much out of my pay and stuff.. in actuality he might or might not.. depends.. it's not like they gonna let me starve to dead or anything, well, it's a possibility.

But my uncle said he's gonna get it for me.. under the condition that he can borrow it. I said sure, not a problem. I think it's because he's pissed at his in law.. he said if he can spend that much money on people that can't be fair and help him out then he can spend on his niece ( me ) since my dad helped him a lot. And being me.. I'll take what people give me. I mean, you don't turn down free stuff. Besides I didn't ask for it. My dad mentions it.. and my other uncle said he's gonna get me it, except my mom cut him off while he was saying it and he's my mom younger brother so you can see how that one went..

Yup, I got zilch!

I don't know, if I actually get it, we'll all know then, won't we.

Besides, my uncle was drunk at the time, he might forget all about it when he's sobered up.

Man, should I keep my fingers crossed so someone actually get it for me for my birthday? Early birthday.. cause well, it's still another month or so.

I hate my birthday by the way, it usually suck beyond belief.

let's hope we get through the new year.

Tomorrow or rather today is a day off.. yeah I got those twice a month, so I'm gonna try to make the best of it.. be it the day I sleep it all off or doing something productive.

Ha ha ha.

I gotta clean though, and then do the blog layout and do some writing. Shit piled up when you don't have time.

There should be more than 24 hours a day, or maybe I should require less than 8 hours of sleep.. something like 3 hours would give me time to do things.

Or I can just lock myself in the room once I get back from the store and pretend the rest of the house don't exist.. um.... that one has potential.

Watching : Spiderman 2

Well, I finally got my ADSL, much better, let me tell you. I was about had it with the damn sattlelite.. I got kicked out so many times it's not even funny. I guess when you came from Cable where you are constantly on, you can't take anything less, cause it'll drive you crazy.

Anyhow, this thing isn't as fast as what I had before, but it'll have to do for now, seeing how it's the fastest I'm gonna get in this place, maybe in a year we'll get up to speed, I'm waiting for the day.

Work, well, as busy as always, I'm trying though.. it's not that it's so busy, it's the limited access I got on my comp. I can't do any writing if I don't have the comp kinda thing. Well, I use my sis's laptop while I'm at the store, I just can't get online with it, cause I'm too lazy to get out and get a phone line.. LOL.

I play badminton with my dad everyday, 30 min a day. It's fun and well, afterwards you feel like you've been running in the rain, cause you really are sweaty, like your entire clothe got soaked. Fun.

I found that I can order books through a bookstore here.. a plus.. big plus. I hate having to ask people to get them for me.. seeing how it's such a drag. This way, even though I spend a bit more on it, I don't have to owe anyone a favor. That tend to get ugly.

Well, I'm loading stuff, I think I'm gonna just leave it running tonight so I get them all done. :) Bed time.

Nite nite..

Oh yeah, hi to everyone... :)

Cindy!! How ya doing???

Helga.. miss ya kitty...

Yo, Jamie!

Hey Baby G! I'm thinking of christmas present for ya.. :) How about a little 'faith'

Hi Psy, whacha want for X-Mas??

Listening : This Photograph Is Proof [Taking Back Sunday]

Happy Halloween!!!!!

I got my mom and my sister a bag of Kisses.

Well, it's not a big thing here in Thailand so.. ya know.. no fun. Salem would be jumping with people, witches, gouls, goblins, monsters, vampire and such and man, it would be fun to be there.

Not that I ever get the patience to be there while I was in MA anyway. LOL

Happy B-day for my best big Sis. :)

Happy B-day psy!!

I've seen THE GRUDGE and all I can say was.. SMG was ADORABLE!!!

God it's so good to see her on big screen. It was great, she was awesome!

And in that bubble jacket and jeans and pony tail... I was in heaven (except that whole scary thing)

Hi to everyone. I've been so busy it's not even funny. Work hasn't let up for me, if anything it just got worse. My books still on the floor of my room and haven't been arrange or anything. I don't even get time to do my own laundry and I don't like other people doing mine. Only cause I have to wait for other people.

A lot of time I wish I never've left.

I don't like to deal with unreasonable people and stupid people. Just make things worse.

I'm playing badminton with my dad everyday for 30 min.. and it's 30 min straight of nothing but hitting the birdy as hard as I can and make sure it reach the back of the court everytime from my spot at the back.. trust me 30 min is more than enough. A game would've been less exhausted than this, cause you get a time out while serving. This you just smacking the thing back and fort and serve without looking where it has to land you just have to hit it right.

More workout.

I actually want the weight machine and such and also a trademill.. cause it'd be nice to get to workout like that.

I don't even get to think about karate.. sad really. I love my black belt.

Life suck and then you die.

Ah....

It's been a long while that I get to update. Only because I've been so busy with everything, what else is new, right? I mean, I'm still trying to learn while there's no one that actually know what the hell they are doing to teach me.. and who the hell am I suppose to be learning from? And things are quite messy and I can't really get things organize.. nope, not a thing. I'm trying though. Which is still not good enough.

We got the equipments for the security camera.. although they are not yet in place.. in a day or two they will be.

Then there a bunch of other things.

High season is coming and we are not ready, well, we better be, I guess..

Big Hello to everyone.. I don't have the time to contact you, but I miss you guys. :)

-_- *tired*

Ok, so I should be getting ready and out the door by now, but I'm still brushing my teeth!!

Anyway, the annoying thing with the screen solution is over and done with, now I'm figuring out if I wanna sync my ppc with my laptop or my desktop, or should I do both... and I also left my sister's laptop at the store due to the fact that it'll get used that way. (mine doesn't have thai and to type in the details it's just insane.. I mean I can and it'll be just for me, I'd like other people to read it too.)

I shoulda get that book on ppc yesterday if not for just the instruction then for the games.. not that I play I mean, my mom probably will.

Ok, gotta go for now... getting dress and all that.

Watching : Buffy:tVS ep Gingerbread

I've been very busy lately. It seems as if I can't get the time to sit down and do the things I wanted to.

Actually, I get the afternoon to kinda goof off.. but due to the lack of privacy I couldn't really write or do any of the collages like I wanted. Maybe I'll just go and get an empty room and then just sit down and write. I think that'll work better.

In the past month, I've had to:
- lectured my father over the damn project and people that borrowed money. He said to look at people on the bright side.. I said nope.. trusting people usually lead to disappointment. So, I'm being the pessimist to his optimistic view of people. However, he knew I'm right and he can't argue with me.

- argued with my mother over my sister's behavior. She made excuses for that lazy ass and I have no patient for it. She cries over the stupid thing. She's an idiot and until she grows the fuck up, I won't think otherwise.

- oversee the damn project while my mother gives me shit over things that's not my fucking fault in the fist place.

Tomorrow agenda is writing, I'm gonna go hide in vacant room and write to my heart content... or making collages, possibly both at the same time.

I tried to load XXXHolics but man, just couldn't. Can't wait for ADSL, seems like sattlelite didn't go that fast, well, it's faster than dial-up, as for loading from bittorent, I'm not sure if it was me or there was no one to load from... grrrrrrrr..

Listening : my niece whining...

I've been home almost a month now and well, I'm just trying to grasp the situation. And pretty much have to clean up other people's mess. Mainly my father.. ain't that suck. Now he's out of town, although I did tell him that from now on, everything has to go through me and no one borrow any money. They all can go to hell.

I'm just being really harsh, but the situation required it. I mean, my mom is going through the freaking roof now. Last thing I want is for her to get to that point and get sick.

I got the layout for this blog ready tomorrow so I can get a new layout up. I mean I like this layout cause it's SMG, but it's time for a new one.

Hello to everyone, (if anyone read this that is) I'm back!!

Let's see...

today I got 2 combinations, 2 kenpos.. combination #25 and 28 and 2 black belt kenpos.. which I better remember, although I think I will remember them better than my brown belt ones.. cause they gave to me without any designation at all.. that didn't help..

they were really cool, I like them. Damage to the max. :) FUN!

I better get to bed.. before I fall asleep on the keyboard, that would be embarrassing and not to mention.. chance of keyboard being shorted out from drooling.. that's worse. LOL

I went and saw The Chronicles of Riddick the other night.. I loved it! Although I think that Vin Desel suited the role that didn't require much talking.. he always has that same tone.

I enjoy the movie though, a lot.. even though it was at 12:25 and I was up all day I didn't fall asleep on it.. which is definitely a plus.

I love all thos ships and costume.. very H.R. Giger.

On the other note.. I will be moving by the 23 of this month.. I'm going home!!

Elphie!!

Thank you, I was all nerve, ya know big ball of nerve and nothing else.. they warned me not to eat too much before hand and guess what, I had a couple chips and that's it.. I was starving, my foot hurts.. exhausted.. it's a good test though..

Thank you again.

Cin!

HOw ya doing?? Thank you.. :) I've been looking forward to it, now everyone in class has to bow to me. HEHEHE..

I have cold now.. what a perfect timing.. at least it wasn't during.. or it would've been really bad.

Sleepy now..

As of today, I'm a 1st degree black belt...

YEAH!!!!

Of course my foot hurts as hell and I got bruises all over my arms, but that's ok. It's all good. Now I just wanna sleep..

Listen : Superstar [ Tegan&Sarah ]

I was watching Buffy:tVS season 4 dvd, the set which Baby G got for me with X-Files season 8 dvd set.. Love ya G. And I was watching 'This Year Girl' of course.. I couldn't resist cause Faith was in it!!! I watched it with commentary with Douge Petrie.. who was the writer. He said 'All she dreams about is Buffy.' in Faith's dream sequences, and how Faith couldn't stay away from Buffy. I mean.. subtext anyone??? Ok, so he said it was more sisterly, sibling rivalry kinda thing, but come on!!

Anyway, I just thought it was funny. But then we get to see Buffy as a badguy, cause that's how she was in Faith's dreams. Eliza looked good!! And SMG looked soooooooooo good.. well, both of them.. hehe..

Ok, in about 2 weeks I'll have my black belt test.. I don't know if I'm ready for it.. I mean, I've been so busy and stressed out that I can barely do anything.. and when I get to do anything I'm just tired. Like today, I could do 8 rounds.. (ok, in that I mean.. we start with 8 laps around the dojo, 8 jumping jack, 8 push-up, 8 sit-up then we work our way down.. 7, 6, 5, you got the idea...) I got to about 4 and I was just dead.. I mean I can probably push for it, but I could feel it.. so I stopped for a breather and let them continue.. ( of course Sensei Stella happened to knock me with her knuckles... right at my temple.. I felt the migrain right then ) I'm so out of it.. this is what happen when I don't really get into class for almost 2 weeks.. 2 stressful weeks of final projects.. We're picking the stuff up on June 1st. Chaos.. let me tell ya, chaos.

Got LotR : RotK.. I'm gonna go watch it now.. hehe..

Baby G got me X-Files season 9 and B:tVS season 4!!! WOOOOO HOOOOOOOOO!!! In exchange of me drawing B:tVS doujinshi for her.. (well, adaptation of her fanfic 967-Buffy) nice deal I'll say..

Finally, I'm done with school and I mean DONE!!

The final review was on Monday, my time was at 4PM. For senior we have the show over at the gallery downtown, means we have to content ourselves with finding the parking when we go there. There's a parking garage, but I'm not sure where that is.

So, I got there almost an hour early, because I always do. Just in case I got stuck, couldn't find parking I still have time. So I got there and unlike the usual occurance.. they were early. Yup, the committee was early in their review, it's like once in a blue moon, let me tell you. At midterm they started it late.. and I mean late.. 30 min late and when the schedule is 15 min per person.. it didn't help, it was like a mad scramble. But suddenly they were early, maybe they just wanna get it over with, I know I did.

So I got there Amy was 2 persons before me and she was next, so I thought, well, I got about 30 min, which mean I'll be out of there before 4, which is all good.. but then they skipped Gorette, cause she wasn't there, but they were 20 min before her scheduled time. So, they came right to me.

They liked my book.

So, I'm happy about that, I've been dreading it.. and kinda scared. I mean if I didn't get the grade then it's another damn semester and I'm sick of school. Anyway, I got out of there waaaaaaaaaaay before 4 and feeling pretty good. But now I'm just all burnt out.

I did a few sketches for Faith and Buffy to-be comic.. and a new layout for my homepage and writing at the same time. Well, I don't have school to deal with anymore, so it's cool.

dignified in what she does when she sings
the smile that she brings to all of you
unaware of what’s to come, I said tell me:
what’s to come

green is the color of my envy
it’s the color of fame
so I’m gonna write it down
I’m gonna scream it out
and I’m never gonna be the same again

fear is the color you’ve all exposed
now I gotta get up here and prove the importance
of my clothes and my pose I suppose
again

hard core superstar by far
you’re the ultimate star
do you wanna be a superstar?
well that’s what you are
you’re gonna be a star
do you wanna be a superstar?

clever in what she does
competing for the attention
of those people that you know
my whole life revolves around your absence
until I can’t remember
what I was, what I am,
what I know or where I go

every moment was that moment
every day was that day
every second was that second
and I’ve lost myself again
yes I’ve lost myself again

hard core superstar by far
you’re the ultimate star
do you wanna be a superstar?
well that’s what you are
you’re gonna be a star
do you wanna be a superstar?

and soon my face will be on every magazine
then my voice will be on every frequency
take my heart — while you’re at it
why don’t you sign me up to sell me out

hard core superstar by far
you’re the ultimate star
do you wanna be a superstar?

I am my angel 'til death I do
I saw my first angel and it was you

. . . what’s to come?

[ Superstar | Tegan&Sara ]

Ok, I lost my watch... How? I don't know.

It's my navy blue Casio G-Shock Chris got for me in exchanged for me getting her a A-Wire Oakley shades. Yeah... well, she didn't know yet..

So, that was my incentive to go and get my other watch Nautica battery change.. which I did and I'm back wearing that one now. I'm thinking of getting another G-Shock.. the one with Solar power or whatever.. looks pretty good.. I liked it. But it'll be another $150 that I'm not sure I wanna spend. Oh well...

I got another 7 pictures to draw.. I got enough paper I think.. already cut them got 30 pieces. Man, and I freaked over it.. For some reason I got the number 13 pieces in my head.. and well... ha ha.. Hopefully I won't need to take another trip.. but I will know by the end of the week, cause it's almost finish with the drawing, and now it's making sure layout is consistance and I will print them all out.. tomorrow will be writing center visit and get story worked on.. truthfully I don't think they would read it, but hey.. You never know.

Listening : Finding Myself

Ok, it's that time of the year again... yup, crunch time!!! Oh Joy..

Ok, so I got 12 days.. or rather a week, I have to do that so i get things done on time.. in the next 2 days I'll be finishing up all the illustrations and then figuring out the page number and print them.. I keep thinking 13 pages.. and well, nope! it's 28 with the credit and intro and with covers 30.. which mean I'm short on papers.. I'll cut them up tomorrow and figure out how many more sheets I will need. Then the cover and the poster, which will have to wait till all the illustrations are done.. but I can start with the cover tomorrow I think.

Oh happy happy joy joy..

Went to see 'Mean Girls' today, it was good.. I like Linsey Lohan... (if that's how her name's spell) Now I'm just busting my ass trying to get more stuff done.. everything due on the 13.. so I gotta get them done like a week before if possible.. (yeah, right) At least SS stuff gonna have to be done, like it or not.. tomorrow, buying stuff... gotta get some paper..

In the mean time.. I made some collages that probably can be used as wallpaper.. (cause I kept the size at 1024x768) Mistress, Weakness, and my latest Lost

I wanted you to know I love the way you laugh
I wanna hold you high and steal your pain away
I keep your photograph; I know it serves me well
I wanna hold you high and steal your pain

Cause Im broken when I’m open
And I don’t feel like I am strong enough
Cause I’m broken when I’m lonesome
And I don’t feel right when you’re gone away

The worst is over now and we can breathe again
I wanna hold you high, you steal my pain away
There’s so much left to learn, and no one left to fight
I wanna hold you high and steal your pain

Cause Im broken when I’m open
And I dont feel like I am strong enough
Cause Im broken when I’m lonesome
And I dont feel right when you’re gone away

Cause Im broken when I’m open
And I dont feel like I am strong enough
Cause Im broken when I’m lonesome
And I dont feel light when you’re gone away

[ Broken | Seether ]

Ok, turned in my stuff for figure drawing today, my advisor still didn't get that damn thing he was suppose to get for me yet, I cut him some slack seeing how it's the advising week still and he had appointment right to about 4pm. No use riding his ass about it.

I'm sleeping...

still enough
although I know you're not begging
still as the thoughts running through your mind
still enough
although I know you're not begging
give me a reason to make you mine

I will devour you
take all the pain away
I cannot stay my hand
from reaching out so that I can
empower you
for all eternity
it seems to ease my mind
to know that you've brought
meaning to my life

had enough
although I see you're not running
still are the thoughts running through your mind
dead to love
the path that you are now taking
show me the reason to make you mine

run, to where the smallest ray of light will never find you
run, to where you will not need to shield your eyes
run, away from all the soulless, heartless fiends who hound you
run, away and let your memories go blind
when I...

I went to Fogg Museum today, as I planned. Didn't get lost... didn't ask for direction, just sorta walk across Havard yard and look, a nice change. Drew a picture and left. My pencil ran out of lead just as I got almost done, which suck big. Went to Newbury St. Figure I'll get a pair of shoes.. nope, nah-dah.. didn't get no shoes.

I'm gonna go see Hellboy.. :)

Damn my hand... well, actually, it was an accident. So, no one's fault. Sensei Natalia used me as a cushion on Monday night class, she was talking about how to get out of a grab.. fullnelson.. and so she did the one with shoulder roll, with me.. so yeah.. she landed on me, I heard my neck went 'crack' at least she didn't slam me to the ground too..

Final for Figure Drawing... now I gotta come up with something.. grrrrrrrrrrrrrr... Maybe I'll do R/C illustration.. gotta be big though, she said has to be labor intensive too.. man, like we don't have enough to do already.

Sat, black belt demo.. Sat night some b-day party. Did I miss anything? Oh yeah.. a trip to Fogg museum.. 2 hours drawing and 2 page paper.

After my 8am class I dragged myself to Boston, had to be in court today... ( as a witness... ) And well, it's been raining here for the past say week.. and so, it was a bad idea to take the T to Boston when you don't know where the hell you are going. I went to the wrong building (result from getting off the subway the wrong station) not that it was much of a problem definitely not on a good day, but not today cause it was raining like hell.. and so I spend almost an hour walking around in the rain looking for the right street..

Needless to say I looked like a drown rat.. LOL.. It was funny but not at the same time since I am sick to begin with and being wet and cold for an afternoon will not help at all.. Man even my boxers were soak.. *grumble grumble* And my sneakers, what am I gonna wear tomorrow.. I really don't wanna break out my doc..

Ok so I updated the layout of Slayers' Dreams cause.. I'm sick of the old layout, but really I don't need a reason for it, lol.. I've been playing a lot with blending and stuff.. so

school... suck..

Sat we're suppose to go to Fogg museum, gotta be there at 10, so there goes my Sat morning of sleeping in. grrrrrrrr..

*sniff* At least I can breathe... barely.

I start to play The Sims again.. don't ask why... I just suddenly feel the urge.. LOL.. I'm crazy like that. I still need to write more.. Just cut another 12 or so pieces of double weight cover stock for R/C illustration. Figure I'll use that vellum for all the text cause I'm not cutting the text too.. too much work. So now.. I'm gonna have to clean my pen again. Everytime I'm using the damn tech pens I have to clean 'em all over again. What a pain.

Oh well.

My head kinda stuffy now.. I'm gonna go watch Buffy:tVS. Welcome to Hellmouth.... hehehe

New layout.. yup.. About time, too. It's Buffy:tVS. Just because...

Ok, 'cause I love Buffy and I love SMG.. (and I love Buffy with Faith)

I'm sick.. cold. I'm sneezing left and right and my head is all stuffy.. arggggggggggggggg..

Oh well.

I had to get up at 7 after falling asleep around 5 AM last night.. LOL.. Then I hauled ass over to the dojo to wait for Sensei.

Tournament was today, both tournaments I might add. I went to the one that was an open tournament. I was kinda fun.. A little unorganized though, but no more than the one I usually go. Took 1st sparring and 3rd form. Not bad I guess. I got home and well, crashed.. LOL.

I really didn't expect to be the only one with the kenpo gi.. (black with red/white/blue stripes along the shoulders down the sleeves and also down the legs of the pants) I mean, I expect more color, instead we got black or white.. there were tae kwon do, kung fu, karate several styles of them. It was interesting to see the forms... although there didn't seem to be that many on them. No one was doing 4 or 5 kata, saw 3 pinan from a black belt and that was it.

7 years of bad luck... I would be more freaked about that had I not broken enough mirrors to last me a life time of badluck already.

Plug for Elphie. Nice Kurai one.. :)

Cin : I am on Spring break right now.. it's a week long break. We get it earlier than high school.. ya know a vacation.

I'm watching Fullmetal Alchemist right now and also ROD.. I liked both of them a lot. Fullmetal Alchemist looked a little too PG for me at first, but as soon as I saw the opening sequence of the first ep.. I changed my mind. So, I'm gonna go watch ep 9 now.. and I got 3 more waiting to be watched later.. seeing how it's already 4 am..

Just finished Willow/Faith wallpaper due to Aby's request, which should get me a story or two.. :) I got another Buffy/Faith one done.. or I think it is, but I'll tweak it a little tomorrow before posting it.. I wrote a little as well, not much, maybe because I couldn't design if I want them to do certain things.. I'll get over that though.. I will post an update on DL before the break is over, at the very least.. or it'll be DL and Frail.. we'll see.

Listening : Last [ NIN ]

I was beyond exhausted yesterday, almost plant my face on the newsprint, which will probably leave me with chacoal all over my face.. not very pretty.. I needed sleep, badly... so I overcompensated it a little by slept really long from last night around 1:30 till well, a couple of hours ago.. so I'm just a bit off right now..

Spring break!!!

God I needed that.. Though I'd be working on projects. Yup, and writing.. no rest for the wicked.. LOL

I am tired as hell... I planned on having 10 pieces done for Monday. So far I got 7 done.. #8 is being cut right now, but I just have to rest my hand.. Though I don't think it'll take too long.. seeing how mostly it was black.. just that little scales thing that would take a bit of a patience to get through, but I got through that rediculously too many crosses and stones done, it shouldn't be a problem.. Now I'm just looking for image of an angel that wasn't too.. I don't know.. I guess I'll know when I found one.

Bed... now.

I'm changing my project a little.. instead of pop-up which will take me for-ever to make, especially when I will have to do mock-up after mock-up to see if it'll work the way I want it to, and if it'll look good and potential of them coming out looking like a work of elemetary school kid is way too high.. I don't know. Not worth trying to ruin I guess.. so I'll still be doing illustration for all 26 letters.. (A-Z Fantasy Illustrations) So, it'll be reductive conversion for all of them.. (sharp B&W cut by hand) I think that's enough work.. don't you?

So I got my first 5 images work in gray scale and sharp B&W ready to be cut.. which I will do at least 1 tonight..

Cin: Thank you.. yeah I feel better.. occasionally I got pissed when she does something like that, but I'm fine now.. Maybe that is why I'm her friend this long.. (other than the fact that I love her to pieces.. but she'll never feel the same) I'm patient... really, really patient. Yes, my 3rd stripe.. now I am officially a 1st degree brown belt.. and will be going for a review in a month then black belt test in June.. I'm scared out of my mind on that one.. LOL..

We sparred a little today, I kicked this guy Joe, the top of my left foot and ankle caught him on his knee straight on.. yeah, so now I'm hopping around on my right foot.. LOL.. I better get back to all that stuff.. man I wish I get the time to write.. maybe I'll squeeze some in after this week.

Ok, so I took a test, didn't do too bad, but not too good either.. I got my 3rd stripe either way, though I should've done better.. oh well.. Do better next time.. I lost it on my last 2 kata.. that was just horrid.. I mean, jeez.. and I had it, I knew I had it.. then it just 1 move that I forgot, make it all crumble.. At least that is done now.. and on to the next thing..

I got an e-mail from her and she said the same old thing.. like always, I didn't reply it because I didn't have anything to say, I mean, she wanted something to read.. and I don't have anything to show her.. so I figure I'll e-mail her back later.. then I went to bed.. and well, you guess it.. another e-mail waiting for me right the next morning, saying I hate her now and she's not gonna bother me again.

WTF!!

I'm suppose to jump when she says jump?? Is that how it work now? She couldn't bother to call me back, but I can't not reply to her e-mail as soon as I got it? What am I? A doormat??!!

This is just f**ked up!!!

Ok, I got to cram in 3 weeks worth of work into this week.. but I got my 1800 words paper done.. so I guess it's not that bad.. ( better than having to do both at the same time ) I have to do a quick drawing of skeleton.. so.. I better do that now..

Finished 'Seduced by Moonlight' I like Andais.. think she's cool.. :) Must be something about woman with power thing.. LOL.

More bruise people! More bruise..

Actually, I should've gotten use to it by now. :D

Got paper to get done.. I set my deadline on Friday, and I got about half of it written. I got 3 weeks worth of sketching and brainstorming to do this weekend.. Alphabet of the Random Objects.. for this damn project.. God I HATE SS.. Unorganized.. hard to find advisor.. this sucks!! I don't even know why they bother with this, I mean it seems like they couldn't make it work, they didn't wanna do the work, not really, but they demand we do 20 hours worth of work for each week, but we went look for them and none, nah-dah, zip.. couldn't find them anywhere.. Not even worth the time spent. I wanna get this done already.

Ok, so she e-mailed me, ask when I'm going to call.. well, I DID call, but she put me on hold.. telling me it's a bad time and call back.. and the same thing.. on and on and on.. and I'm suppose to keep trying? Like I got nothing better to do with my time.. the time that I barely have to begin with. Man.. I'm getting tired of this. The complete different tone in e-mail and actual conversation, but then I should know better already.

Shame on me, I guess.

It's been an ok week... I have bruises to show for for everyday of last week.. Monday just below my ring and pinkie there's a bruise.. Tue.. on my wrist, Wed.. above my index finger from getting bent backward so hard. Thur on my arm.. all on the right.. :) and grand finale.. friday.. a cut on my right eyelid.. Think I got a theme going on.. LOL..

Tomorrow i'll have to work my ass off to get assignment for Web3 done. Grrrrrrrrrrrrr

I don't feel so good.. argggg...

Had really weird dream last night.. about me.. and a few friends, they were I guess gonna go swimming or something and I didn't want to, but we were standing at the ledge water up to our waists and one of my friend had to get by me.. so I ducked and she tried to step behind me, I slipped.. fell right in.. and it was like it won't stop and I couldn't see the bottom.. then I kicked something and came back up..

Then I woke up.

Weird.. I don't like it.

Then it was a bunch of other stuff..

Anyway...

Work tomorrow.. bed now..

Oh wait!

Cin : So your keyboard is fine.. good.. :) I got a few more ED and SMG layouts, I just never upload it onto the site.. it was kept as a screenshot for my own record.. I'll show 'em to you though if you want.

I'm playing with images, texture and brushes right now.. one of those things. I'm just trying to find out what works for me and what doesn't. Got B/F wallpapers out of it.. so.. I guess it's a good thing.. LOL.. They are so cute together.

Cin : Yeah, I remembered you mention something about dead keyboard, did you get it replace?

I'm finished with 'Sybil.'

SB said that I'm beyond her understanding, but Psy thinks the world of me.. ummmmmmmmmm.. hehehe..

I'm just weird like that.

Elphie : Glad I could be of help. I order the book instead of going out to get it at the bookstore, don't ask me why.. cause I don't know. LOL.. Should get here in a couple of days. I was just thinking it'll be in by the time I'm done with 'Sybil' but well, that book is done. Very interesting, the insight to the MPD. 11 years.

Shower now.. card in a few.

Reading : Sybil

I'm not going to that gallery opening.. I saw no point in driving 30 min to school and then stay for maybe 30 min to an hour listening to someone talk, then hual ass back to the dojo.. no fun.

I should get back to the book, getting interesting.. I'll probably finish it tonight.. LOL.. in the mean time I should finish up that proposal and also the writing for tomorrow and the 2 paragraphs for Web3. Tonight.. I will.

Laurell K. Hamilton's new book is OUT!!!!! Seduced by Moonlight, a Merry Gentry series. In case someone interested.

I'm suppose to be writing something for my Web 3 class.. but well, I forgot what exactly that was and I couldn't get to my teacher's website to check on the assignment, so I'm flying blind basically. I just need to have something to show for tomorrow.. grrrrrrrrrrr...

Finally, I post second part of Frail.. man, I'm not gonna have that much time to write till the weekend.. which gonna suck.. but whatever. I better get back to that assignment.

Listening : Chinese Burn [ Curve ]

First : A plug for Elphie. Nice new layout..

Cin : Yeah, I've had quite a few Eliza layout as well as Sarah.. so.. I'd show ya if you wanna see them.. hehehe. Actually, I'm kinda thinking of putting the screenshot of my old layout up.. I don't know I didn't always do them so I only had the last few.. don't know if that even worth the time.. ummmm...

Ying : Hey!!!!! MISS YOU!!!!

New layout, yeah, finally....

Today my first day back to PRA after a month off... felt weird to have to get up and drive there again, but hey... I get pay...

the shallow need to feel wanted
worshipped and adored and never be ignored
I give you love but you don't see it
you never understand
my world is in your hand, and
I have this thought in my head
and it's about being noticed
we hide away
somebody stop me feeling empty
we hide away
somebody stop me feeling empty
you start this dance but I'm leading
I act out the abuse
bewildered and confused
tonight I'm yours, but I don't feel it
you say it's all a game, but one can only play it
I have this thought in my head
and it's about being noticed
we hide away, somebody stop me
we hide away
somebody stop me feeling empty
we hide away
I have this thougth in my head
and it's about being noticed
we hide away
somebody stop me feeling empty

[ Empty (Hideaway) | Sonique ]

Listening : This Love [ Craig Armstrong ]

Thanks to G for the CDs... I'm listening to one of them right now.

Cin: Thank you!!! I didn't get anything for my b-day though... I think I'm gonna go out over the weekend to get either X-Files dvd set or Buffy season 2.. I got season 1 and 3.. yeah I skipped 2.. don't know why.. LOL.. As for the writing.. whimsicle?? I like those... :) I'd love to read it, and I promise to be nice. You got cut by those blades?? That's the same kind that got a chunk of my skin out of my knuckle.. It's starting to heal now though, so it's all good.. Have you ever cut yourself with a pair of scissors??

Ok, writing.. yup.. filling in the holes.. LOL.. DL people.. the next update will be DL...

BTW Cin: I got like a beginning of the AU I was talking about down on paper.. :) The yellow notebook.. LOL.

Happy Birthday to MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

Ok, I just managed to slice my knuckle open... bleeding still.

This is annoying.

I'm reading Berserk.. Yup... Enjoying it, a lot.

Still read Angel Sanctuary, too.

I'm burning a bunch of cd for a friend.. she's like educate me! *roll eyes* she needs to keep up, damn it.

Cin: So, you won't post the story? Is this B/F? or just original?

I should get back to writing, I mean I'm writing.. just slow. Now I'm having some difficulty typing cause of the damn cut.. Well, I'll improvice..

I need a new layout!

Yup, I really do.

I guess I'll do something that will fit the lyric of Hope vol 2. I liked that song.. well, ya know.. I got a pic in mind, but now I have to look for a second pic that would fit with it and then it'll be good.

I need to write.

Yup, that too.. I'm writing, just slowly. I couldn't decide which one I wanna get done first.. weird isn't it. I also have an idea for AU for B/F... yeah.. cause the line.. 'Cause she's Lady B, and I'm her Faith.' kept popping up and I wanna use it, I really do.

I guess it'll be something like ToF but not setting in the past.. it'll be in some future far far away... well, I kinda have an idea, but then I should really get DL and Frail done and then Two and stuff.. so I won't have that many things sitting on the hard drive.

Busy head of mine.

Cin : The space inside..

I got use to the empty space beside me pretty quickly, especially after the 2/3 of the space are empty that I can move around now.

Still, it's that worry. I hate it.

*sigh* can't do much now anyway...

I'm gonna buy that 2 handed bastard sword off of her. Or my Sensei might... I'm not sure which one he's thinking about yet.. might be the Scottish claymore. It's huge! That's next week.

Listening : Hope vol.2 [ Apocalyptica ]

hope is beauty
personified
at her feet, the world
hypnotized
a million flashes
a million smiles
and on the catwalk
she flats in style

but in this heart of darkness
our hope lies lost and torn
all flame like love is fleeting
when there's no hope anymore

pain and glory
hand in hand
a sacrifice
the highest price

like the poison in her arm
like the whisper she was gone
like when angels fall

and in this heart of darkness
all hope lies on the floor
all love like flame is fleeting
when there's no hope anymore

like the poison in her arm
like a whisper she was gone
like an angel
and angels fall

Ok, so I went to bed at 6:30 AM this morning and managed to wake up at 4:30PM.. LOL.. nice huh.. I better break out of that habit.. I really have to.

I was reading Claire McNab's Carol Ashton mytery book last night that was why I went to bed so late.. but well.. I decided to put it down when the sky started to lighten.. have to.. XD

Gotta get a new phone tomorrow. I should've done it tonight except I didn't wanna go in Bestbuy and deal with people. My phone is about to die though.. XC

Listening : This Is The New Shit [ Marilyn Manson ]

I got Different Light new update up.. and also the first half (hopefully) of Frail up.

Got a new book by Clair McNab tonight.. wooooohooooooooo I love her books.. Love Carol Ashton.. and I wish she would get Carol together with Madeline.. I mean, they seem so good together.. oh well.. they still might..

I'm just happy to have a new book to read...

She had not call me back since last night and I wonder if something happen.

I'm back, and I'm all cried-out.

I've spent the last 2 weeks with a friend of mine... someone I've known for almost 5 years, been through a lot of drama [on her side] together, the only one person I've ever felt so close to the one I've cried over, the one I'd ever imagined myself being with, except that she would never be with me, and it drive me nuts.

But now I know better. I've grown up a little, I guess.

When it rain it pours, I believe that this saying fits her well.

She had a break up from hell 3 days before my visit. So I was there to help her pick up the pieces yet again. A lot of things changed and remained the same. Still love her more than anyone, I've already resigned myself to that fact, but I don't have that illusion anymore. She said I help a lot but just being there keeping her together.... a lot happened...

And when I left this afternoon... I realized how much it hurts when I leave, especially now. She looked like lost puppy and I looked worse, and feeling even worse than I looked. I was crying. She knew this, saw it, made no comment, which was the best thing she could've done... Sometimes I think she should take her time doing things. I'm hoping the people she hangs out with, the people she calls friends would be there for her where I can't.

Right now though, I need to sleep.. and get use to that empty space beside me.. again.