March 31, 2003

Listening : Not Falling [ Mudvayne ]

I'm done with the layout, I think, of course I won't stop tweaking it till it is up. I ended up redoing the layout for my webdesign class. Couldn't help it. I never entirely satisfied in them I guess.. and instead of having the crit this morning I had to wait for Wed.. and between now and then I might just change my mind again.. I don't know.. Oh well.. We got 2 new white belts.. Christina and Nicole (Chrisie and Nikki, they're sisters.) It's cool. I have more bruise today.. think I acquired one everyday. Hopefully my body will adjust and make me a bit harder to bruise soon.. people don't ask but they look, and sometimes I feel the need to explain, though other time I couldn't care less.

March 30, 2003

I'm working on the layout for the marathon, think I got it. Maybe.. well, I might make more changes, I might not.. Found some nice brushes, pretty cool. I need to get one of those cd wallet.. I have too many sitting on my passenger's seat, well, no one is sitting in it anyway, but still, I don't like the fact that it'll get scratched. I'm more organize than that, but lately I have no motivation for it.

am I made of glass, 'cause you see right though me

March 29, 2003

Elphaba is back! Glad to see your blog is back up, nice layout, love the image, love the color. ^_^

I arise from dreams of thee
In the first sweet sleep of night,
When the winds are breathing low,
And the stars are shining bright
I arise from dreams of thee,
And a spirit in my feet
Has led me -- who knows how? --
To thy chamber-window, sweet!

The wandering airs they faint
On the dark, the silent stream, --
The champak odors fall
Like sweet thoughts in a dream,
The nightingale's complaint,
It dies upon her heart,
As I must die on thine,
O, beloved as thou art!

O, lift me from the grass!
I die, I faint, I fall!
Let thy love in kisses rain
On my lips and eyelids pale,
My cheek is cold and white, alas!
My Heart beats loud and fast
Oh! press it close to thine again,
Where it will break at last!

[ Percy Bysshe Shelley | I Arise From Dreams Of Thee ]
I like a life that's sheltered
I'm constantly alone
they're painting out my weakness
there's an emptiness at home
I need to find a reason to life this way
I'm running out of patience and my life is over

I'm standing here but I'm on my way
searching to find an answer
I'm standing here but it's all the same
and I'm running out of patience
I have obtained my reason for you
I have gained a reason for you
but you left me you left me here and I'm all ALONE

I've been striped of my innocence I take pity in myself
a certain chain of events that have left me in this HELL
I NEED to find a reason to life THIS way
I'm running out of patience and my life is over


[ Spiritfall | My Reason ]

March 27, 2003

Listening : My Reason [ Spiritfall ]

Elphaba you just moved your site, didn't you? New hosting company?? That kinda suck. Thank god I never have problem with mine *shuddered* hope everything is back to normal soon.

Sensei Al said in exchange of the help (at the dojo) we'll work something out, most likely it'll be private lessons... or weapon, I told him weapon. At this point I'd prefer to learn the applications of it than forms. How would you pull off the form if you can't move it correctly (or flip it, spin it... whichever.) That'll be so cool.
so why do you always
take a part of ne
search yourself
for what you're looking for
two can play it
and you're losing the game
the time will come
and I will leave you
all alone

[ Spiritfall | What Happened to The First Time ]

March 26, 2003

Listening : My Reason [ Spiritfall ]

I'm watching Cruel Intention again, no not because I'm crazy about the movie or anything, only watch it cause Sarah Michelle Gellar.. ok, so there's another blonde.. after Andrea Thompson. And no Helga, don't say I told you so.. I know you always thought SMG as hot and I only grudgingly agreed with you before and now I agreed with you... But.. I still like Eliza Dushku better. *EG* It's the leather get-up, babe... or was the dimple?? ummmmmmmmm.... :) Buffy-thon is April 7th right Elphaba? BTW. what happened to your blog?? Couldn't get to it for the past 2 days.

March 25, 2003

Tired, now I knew I should've worn that black slack this morning. If I did that there would be no black stripes on my legs from the sketchboard. I have to remember to bring pastel next class.. I hate using those.. too much dust, not that charcoal don't, but well, I won't have to concern myself with multicolor smudge on my face, oh yeah and multi color drawing.. can never decide which color to use.. kinda suck. Tomorrow another project due.. I'm done with that anyway.. no big deal. Off to read now.

March 23, 2003

Listening : Decompression Period [ Papa Roach ]

I got to the High School gym that they held the tournament at 8 frickin' AM. I was early, no one was there yet so I went and drove around for a few more minutes then came back, then they started setting up. I took 3rd in sparring.. it was the roundhouse to the head, I was concerned that I would actually do the back fist and actually hit the headgear.. (they are more strick about that this year it seemed) Thus.. I lost she got the 3rd point before I did. Anyway, I stayed till Jr Black Belt did their weapon kata.. the nunchuck looks pretty good right now. I can handle the sais, handle as in flipping them in both hands and such.. not that there are many ways to hold them. 19" chromed steel. Anyway, back to school tomorrow.. and I'm looking forward to the training. I have to get better.
Listening : My Reason [ Spiritfall ]

Tournament is in the morning. I went into the dojo this morning to help out. There were more kids in that class than the rest, which was why Sensei Natalie asked me to come in, Cat was there as well. There was this 4 year old that I thought it was too early for him to be doing this, maybe another year. I'm not saying all 4 year old are not ready for karate class or whatever class like this, just that some are and some aren't. There was another 4 year old who did very well and stay put I guess it depends. Sensei Al came and let me go help some other older kid instead, which is a good call, cause he couldn't follow what I was telling him. I have to stay on him and such, which is not what I want to do. Anyway, shoudl be in bed soon. Gotta get up early.

March 22, 2003

Listening: Understanding [ Evanescence ]

I think I've been shutting myself away more than I've been. Depressed? I don't think I am, but hey I can't really tell when I spent most of that alone time reading or working on my project. I can't wait to get out of here and my parents are... well, they are getting old and I've been away for 7 years now, time for me to go home. I can only grit my teeth and tell myself that I'll go home soon. Then another thing hit me, 3 years and all I've done, we're falling apart. It's like I'm invisible to her, and maybe I am. Seems to be the last on her list, always. Like I'm just a nobody. Guess when it's time for me to leave then there won't be anything left to even make me feel bad for leaving. Psy doesn't want me to, and that's very sweet of her, but does anyone else care? Tomorrow (or rather today) I'll have to go into the dojo in the morning, Sensei Natalie asked if I could come in, and seeing how I need to do something I said ok.. though it'll be much earlier than I would get up normally during the weekend. But I need for someone to take a look at my form before Sunday, and this way maybe Sensei Al could take a look. I'll probably be there for an hour and come home to crash. Sunday is tournament, hopefully it'll be bigger than the last one I was at. Sensei Al said it should be, I hope so. This time I'll go by myself so I can watch till the end, last time I couldn't cause Uncle George was practically asleep on his feet, I felt bad so I stayed long enough for weapon kata and we left. This time I wanna see black belt sparring as well. Oh well, we'll see.

'Have you ever just been?'

'Been what?'

'No what. Just been. To just find the perfect person for you, someone that makes you feel completely different. To just be with that person and not think about anything at all, not sex, or words, or feelings. Absolutely nothing. To look at a person and just think how much you want to hold them in your arms, to prove to yourself that they're real. It's like, if they're there, then there's no one else in the world. There's just you and them and nothing else. No thoughts, no words, no problems. Just sheer contentment. Pure happiness to just take the person into your arms and hold them for the rest of your lives. To just be.'

'What are you trying to say, Faith?'

'With you I feel like I can just be.'

[ Faith and Buffy | Chance In Hell by Ophelia C. ]

March 20, 2003

StarStreaks, thanX, nice to meet you as well. Hope you feel better, I just got over flu myself...

March 18, 2003

Mood : Giddy ^___^


Yup, blog marathon, BTVS and I got Faith! I love Faith! Faith is a hottie! Eliza Dushku is hot! God I love Faith!! My tortured little soul, Faithy! Now I better look for image.

March 16, 2003

Listening : Once In A While [ Dishwalla ]

Elphaba thanX for dropping me a line, and yes it is good to do something a bit different. I'm in need of cheery things right now.. (thus the cutsie layout) Oh and also I wanna just throw a friend for a loop.. Since I'm such a quiet depressing creature. ^_^

Anyone ever read Gon? Loved that little Dino! I went and dug out my Flash 4 book. (I have flash 5 but why buy a new book when essentially they are the same with a few differences) Chris bought it for me, it doesn't seem like much of a gift, but she bought it for me and that means a lot. Oh well, it was one of the last thing she ever bought me.

March 15, 2003

Ok, so the new layout isn't really what I usually do, but I figure to cheer myself up I'll try something more cheery. Helga, kitty ya know I'm setting this up for some shock value, right. ^_^ I know you expecting that from me, but we'll see. I went to Worcester Art Museum with a friend today, I didn't have to, but she did. I figure what the hell, not that I'm doing anything anyway. She had to do it for Art History, I'm so glad I got it over with. We stopped, got some food and then I came home. Maybe I'll take a nap, or find something to read. I read a bit late last night which is why I'm kinda tired now. I hate getting up early. Just not my thing, never was. I don't know how people do it, get up early and happy to do it. x_X

March 14, 2003

Listening : Slept So Long [ Jay Gordon ]

New layout, I know, I know, it's so not me, but hey... Hope it works..
I should be bringing my car in for oilchange today, but I was out like a light (a good thing..) I'm thinking about a new layout for this, as well as new layout for SyntheticSoul, I mean I like the Subaru one, that's why it is on this long. I went through my sketchbook (I have several, always, usually at least 3 at any given time, this one I didn't pick up for a while) and I found the drawing that I did for Chris, I even forgot I made that! She has the original now.. god knows what she wanted to do with that. Well, I'll veg out at home till it's time for sparring.
Listening : Breakdown [ Tantric ]

We got more snow today, why is it always Thur? And why did it have to start during figure drawing?? I got home, stuck inside cause well, I don't need any accident, so I stayed in, missed the training, then once the snow stopped, I went out, shovelled the entire forsaken driveway by myself, took me an hour, but I need to do it, a little workout. Hopefully this is the last snow we gonna see this year. I've had enough for the next 5 years. Though by next year I'll be in Thailand and I'll never see snow ever again! Actually I should call my parents tomorrow night to check on the progress of the one ring.. it's gonna be so cool. ^_^

March 12, 2003

Oh and I almost forgot.. Elphaba nice layout, love it, think it's your best one yet. ^_^
Listening : Taking Over Me [ Evanescence ]

Ok, it's been uneventful days for the past couple of days and blogger still being annoying, it won't upload my entries, and I'm not sure why. Spring Break is next week and guess where I'm going! NO WHERE!!! I'll be spending my week working on the SS project which they trashed me for. God I hate school, the classes are unproductive. Except maybe Figure Drawing, I'm trying to break out of my habit in that class and so far it was starting to work. As long as we get decent looking model in I don't care. As for other classes, all I can see is.. total waste. I need the credit though, so not much can be done there. Karen had been telling me how much she hates the school right and and well, I feel the same. All the money you spent and you learn absolutely nothing new.

March 10, 2003

I managed to faxed my parents the elvish script that was on the one ring last night. And my dad will have it made for me. (wooooooohooooo) I love my parents. I didn't think about how they would etch the script on the inside till my dad brought it up while he try to get a few details clear. They will have to do it before bend it and fuse it into a ring, I should tell him to polish it too, but then I think he knew.. after all I got the picture of the replica faxed as well. Made my night let me tell ya. Don't know when my aunt is coming back so..he'll have it rushed probably a day or two... I guess, if not well, we'll figure something out, but I do want it. I don't think they understand why I would want it made, but hey.. they didn't really ask.

March 09, 2003

I am having one of those unproductive, depressing day. I wanna do something, but I don't know what. I called a few people and well, got no answer, none, nope, nah-dah. Why is it that I allow them to reach me whenever they feel like it and it wouldn't be the same for me. Think it's time to just forget all these people, I guess it just one way street. I hate it here, I want to go home.

March 07, 2003

Playing : Somewhere I Belong [ Linkin Park ]

I got a pair of Sais, Sensei Natalie went ahead and picked up a pair for me (I only asked her about the price) I guess she figure if I asked then I'll get them eventually so she went ahead and got them. I went and picked them up and tried to determine if they are too short, too long.. got a book too.. according to the traditional use, when you hold 1 in your hand you should have an inch or so left past the tip of your index finger and 1 inch past your elbow.. so the ones I got was a bit short.. I went and exchanged them to the 19" Now I'm getting use to them (flipping them in my hand and all that) There actually wasn't much books on sai and handling methods out there, so I got 1 that I saw all the time. Today sparring was all right, got more bruises (that's normal now.. ) I didn't spar Dmytry or Joe, I did with Tim and well, I kicked him between his legs.. (OUCH!!) Sorry about that budd.. didn't mean to. Tonight I'll be playing with my sais and just read. I'll watch City By The Sea later, I fell asleep on it last night. o_O

March 04, 2003

Listening : Imaginary [ Evanescence ]

Yes, it's out today! I got the old album, and the new one has a few of the songs from there (origin) though it has been remix and such.. like Imaginary, there are some changes and same goes for My Immortal (there was no violin playing in the original) I thought Missing was gonna be on this one, but it wasn't. I'm waiting for my friend to come online right now so I can show her what I got so far for SS, I'm presenting tomorrow at 3:15, it should've been at 2:15 but Gavarini screwed it up! Oh well, no use bitching about it.

March 03, 2003

Well, I'm wracking my brain, trying to come up with something for the SS. Nothing, nope, nah-dah.. I still don't get flight # from her or the time. She said she is coming, but then again, this is Chris we are talking about. And when the hell did she start calling me baby, that just hurts. I should get back to the drawing.. at least I drew something..

March 01, 2003

Sparring was today, apparently we don't have Wed class next week, which work out great, if, if Chris is coming. I will have to pick her up from the airport and she did say that she is coming in around 7pm. Let's just hope that she is coming, cause I will be really pissed otherwise, and then I'll have to stop talking to her cause it is becoming too much for me to handle. Oh well.. just one of those things.

When you cared about someone so much and at the same time knowing that they don't care about you at all, or they do but not enough, it just ends in you being in a world of hurt. Yeah, I am, in a world of hurt. And there was nothing I can do about it, unless I am willing to walk away. But I'm not ready, not willing. So I am stuck, like a bug in the tar, slowly sinking, and no one noticed, no one cared to notice. Until you sunk completely and disappeared.

It is a sad thought that someone you cared about so much cared not for you. And that someone loves what you can do for them and not you. They won't tell you that, but it is there to be seen and heard, just underneath all of those endearments that seem to come so easily. The worse part of all of this is that you couldn't, for the life of you, figure out why it has to be this particular person. Wish someone could tell you why, but no one knew, no one could fathom the reason.

Maybe there is absolutely no reason at all. Maybe it is just another way, another lesson you needed to learn.