May 31, 2002

Status: fulled, a bit sticky...
Listen: Predisposed [ Ill Nino ]

Chris called today, out of the blue, and then she said that this week had been less shitty than last and she will call me back later.. (what's the point of calling to tell me that??!?!?) She was still at work.. I never understand that, but then I don't really understand her.. I'm looking for Mobius's pic, I wanna get back to colored pencil a bit.. while I still want to. ^_^ I'm working, well, probably for about 3-4 weeks.. I just want enough money to cover karate lesson for a year, and that's it.. (that or enough to spend while Chris and Angie are in town... IF they ever gonna come) It was boring, of couse I work as a temp.. the worse part was the repeticious of the whole thing.. same thing over and over again.. my aunt kept calling and asked how it was.. and I told her it was boring.. (what did she expect??) then she said what do you expect it to be like going to the movie?? (in that sacastic tone) she doesn't get it... I do work, not here, but I worked for my father, it was different, why can't people get it through their skulls? No less hard, just different and most people don't have the comprehension of how hard and tiresome it could be, they only see the glamour. Precious metal still metal.. they're fucking heavy all the same!! Different between the two is that one has more responsibility attatched the other don't have as much. (BAGA!!) I would never have to work in any kind of business that own by other people for a living.

Ok, imagine you're 7 years old (I was) and then you start working in the store, doing just about everything that you were told.. including lifting stuff.. (little by little.. gosh, my parents won't torture me like that) and worked all the way up till you were 16, then you were sent away for school.. Ever fell asleep while you're standing?? I have... dropped right to my knees. I think the fact that my parents don't scold me for doing stuff put her off. Like karate class.. I wanna take it, my dad agreed like that *snapped finger* she thinks it's a waste of money, but it's not her money to waste. *rolled eyes*

My parents are just happy I keep myself healthy... and it's either karate or gym.. and gym will be a waste of money. My mom might question that a bit, but it'll ultimately be under my own discretion. I know I sounded like a spoiled kid.. I'm spoiled but I'm not a brat. I do stuff, cost money, but I don't party, I don't do drugs.. hell I don't even drink or smoke. I spend money on books, movies, and a bit of toys, mostly movie. Last semester I spent more on artsupplies than anything else, and she thinks I use so much money.. she doesn't even understand what I'm taking at school. I spent more time at school than anything else.. every weekend.. and the week before final I stayed at school till 1am to finish up stuff.. I smelled like oil paint, ink got on my clothes.. my hands smelled like rubber gloves.. can't get any worse.. (oh yeah, my brand new sneakers got red pulp splashed on one side.. I nearly scream) Oh well, I guess I will clean them up later.

May 30, 2002

Status: chocolate milk.. ummmmmmmmm
Listen: the TV babbling

I was driving this morning, turned to the highway and there was a red car.. with the licence plate '2-blue' cracked me up, let me tell you. If it was a blue car it'd be really cool, but well.. 2 blues don't make red. (Ok, I don't make any sense) I skipped my karate class today, got up.. got dressed, drove all the way there, then thought I left something on.. and so I drove back home.. (it was almost 6pm when I got there) well, it turned out that I didn't but I was too tired, anyway. I'll go to the class on Sat at noon. I've decided that I will make it to at least 3 classes each week.. while I still can when school start I won't be able to make to that many, though I will try (I'll make at least 2, cause I did pay for those.) Chris hadn't called me at all, and it was the third time she said she'll call me back. I have the vision of 'Kimmi' situation in the back of my mind, and I don't like it. I doubt I have the saying in the whole thing, since it'll be none of my business, however I will not be around to see the end of anything this time. Like I said before, if it happens again, I WILL LEAVE. I can not and will not submit myself to that again. Already one time too many. First time is bad enough, second time will be worse than a torture and when I leave, this time it'll be for good. I don't think she will care either way, she can always find someone else. I was sitting at lunch and someone walked by, I only saw an arm, but for some reason I was reminded of my dad. Kinda funny, though at the time I really missed my parents, really weird cause I don't think about it too much. I had a full day today.

May 28, 2002

Status: ready for bed
Listen: She Loves Me Not [ Papa Roach ]

Ok, today was my first real class, it was great! I'll be in tomorrow too, and then Wed. I think I can make it at least 3 times a week, at least for now. When school start it'll be different. I think I pull something my leg hurts a bit, but it'll be better tomorrow. Well, I think I'll go watch Harry Potter, got it today, I liked that movie, so.. :) My feet feel better. We got really heavy thunder storm this morning, it was kinda early for that kinda storm, you'd expect it later in the summer, but it's been really crazy lately, guess you can't really expect anything.

May 27, 2002

Status: my feet kinda hurt
Listen: ---

Went to Aquarium today, loved the giant tank... it wasn't that big of a place, but I still love it. Saw sharks, a bunch of big fishes.. *G* Then went to Porter Sq. check out the Japanese bookstore and found X The Perfect Book.. and Utena illustration book and Berserk artbook, Bastard too.. want them!!! But I didn't have enough money.. I'll go back to it some other time. We walked all over the place, like we usually do. My feet are killing me now.. if they dont' feel better by tomorrow I'll have to take something for it before I go to Karate class. Can't be running around with my feet feeling like this. Chris pissed me off.. well, she seems happy with her new friends.. and I'm being a bitch so.. I'll just leave her alone, besides.. I don't wanna be driving myself crazy over this anymore.

May 26, 2002

only a game we used to play
little tin soldiers after school
you had to win and I would say
'now that I'm dead you've lost your fool'

I can hear you laughing
wasn't I your favourite toy?

only a life you threw away
maybe you always played that game
did you believe your luck would stay?
didn't you stand too near the flame?

I can hear you laughing
I was just your favourite toy

I can hear you laughing
wasn't I your favourite toy?

only a feeling since you've gone
I'm not alone quite like before
if it's the game we played so long
don't wanna lose it anymore

I can hear you laughing
I am still your favourite toy

[ Michael Cretu: Your Favourite Toy ]
Status: troubled
Listen: nothing..

Ok, so I got a call from Chris today and she proceeded to tell me all about her week, which of course did not include me. Shouldn't expect it to be anyway since she couldn't bother to call. She got some new friends, guess I was just a favorite toy. Oh well, life goes on, right? Anyway, depressed me even before my day start. I've decided that I'll withhold the karate thing from her, I don't think she cares to hear about my day anyway, so what's the point. I guess Psy was right, I wear depression like a badge, but when people I considered friend didn't care to bother with me I have a reason to be doing that. And now I wonder why I don't really care to consider any of this before. I was content, can't say I was completely happy, but I was content, I don't look for more of anything, don't expect anyone, hell I rarely touch the phone, except when my parents call. Amazing that one person could do this to me. Maybe someday I'll be able to go back there, and forget all of this ever happen. Good and bad.

May 25, 2002

Status: a bit tired... and don't know why
Listen: just the tv

I can feel the muscle being worked out from yesterday, on one hand it's kinda annoying cause it lets me know that I've been really out of shape, and on the other hand... it's kinda comforting that they got stretched. I don't think my aunt gets it. I want to take this for me, and she doesn't understand why I would want to spend my money on it. But hey, I can compare this to her visits to casino, it's what she wants to do and this is what I want to do, the different being karate will be good for me, casino just sucks up her money.

More on Nightline, I'm still watching it, though it's kinda sad to know that some parents would throw their kids out for something they can't control, like sexuality and expect them to ultimately change that by cutting them off, like punishment. It's a pity that people stop seeing a person as an individual as soon as their sexual preferences are not the 'norm' and seeing them only for their preferences then labled them. And as for those who use religion as a justification to condemn other people. That's just wrong, all I can say is, religion teach people to love and not hate, of course there are always those who interpreted the message differently and made it to fit their own agenda or whatever, what is different is wrong. Then again, correct me if I'm wrong, but religions have been use for the justification to start wars (look at the crucade.) I'm not historian though, any thought? But all that said, this is just my two cents.

May 23, 2002

I'm completely down-to-earth!

Find your soul type

You are the most in touch with knowledge. It's the tree of life from which you tap the sap. You know what you want and you know how to reasonably get it.

Virtues: You respect people with plans. When someone has their head on their shoulders, you know that they can see straightforward and keep their eyes on the mark. When it comes to looking at the future, you take a logical approach: what's within your ability? A fortunate attribute that you have is the ability to set a goal for yourself, higher than maybe you feel possible, but still keep yourself within reasonable bounds. You take the time to appreciate those surrounding you and they do appreciate you in return. Decision-making comes naturally to you when you take the time to consider each option. People only come to talk to you when they are looking for a logical, reasonable solution.

Aspirations: You have an idea of what you can do with your life, but you push it up a notch. You need a profession that you can enjoy, so work towards it. You want to live near your friends and family while being as far away as possible. You also want to settle down while working in excitement and variation.

Quirks: You don't appreciate drama queens and they don't appreciate you. When they need help, they won't seek you out because of your ability to see through their overly dramatic predicaments. You have leeway for humor, and sometimes love to participate in it, but when it becomes irrational behavior, others can count you out. Loud noises are bothersome, except when they come from you or your friends.

Factors: Reach for the sky! Don't decide to do something because you're merely good at it, but choose something you might like to do, despite whether you're sure you can master it or not. Don't only save room for a few empathetic friends, but open up to everyone.

Future: When looking for a job, if you work in all of your talents (logic, decision-making, planning, and definitely humor), you'll find yourself happy. Come to a compromise for location; live nearby your friends and take periodic vacations or live farther away and take frequent return trips.
Status: aggravated
Listen: TV

Ok, I was watching Nightline last night and they were talking about homosexual and if it's a choice... to me I don't think it is. Who in the world would choose to be something that would just make their lives hundred times more difficult than it has to be? And all those people that keep saying that even though you feel it you shouldn't act on it, ok... because you say so? Personally I think whatever you do behind a close door in your own home shouldn't be anyone else's business. How many people that forced themselves to live the life the way that society considered the 'norm' and just be very miserable until they can't do it anymore. Anyway, that just depressing. I wish the show was longer and cover a lot more, unfortunately it wasn't.

ATM machine sucks!! That's all I got to say.

May 22, 2002

clouding up
droplets fell against my face
cool my fevered skin

I'm shaking...
it's getting cold
wet to the core...
but my inside's burning..

I should've learn
I should've shut you out
you hurt me once before
and yet I let you in again
thinking it'll be different

cold against my skin
can't stop
hard as I tried, I can't stop
and my inside burn

you hurt me again
the better question is
why not?
I never learned
won't ever learn
and still I burn

May 21, 2002

Status: drinking coke
Listen: nothing, just NYPD Blue

I took this quiz..

I'm a Twinkie!

What Snack Food are YOU? Click here to find out!

But anyway, I went and checked out the Karate place, didn't join in, there were only 3 kids in there today.. (there were more yesterday) and since I didn't make it to the beginning of the class, I didn't jump in and besides that... I didn't dress for it.. I'm still in my larger than usual pair of Structure's pants. I can fit in M, but decided I want something more loose.. and I got it!.. lol. Anyway, they're really comfortable and I love them.
Status: a bit tired
Listen: One Night In Bangkok [ Murray Head ]

I should be in bed, but school's over so I don't have the need to get up early or go to bed early, though I feel that I'm getting sick... my throat's kinda scratchy right now. Anyway, I'm kinda annoyed with Chris right now. I sent her 2 packages as per her request, I know for a fact that she received one of them already, the one I spent extra to have it overnight (not like I'm gonna get the money back, but that's not the point) and she could've at least told me that she got it. I called and her mom even promised me she'll tell her to call, no such luck! No one tells Christine to do anything, she'll just do whatever she well damn please. Oh well, I joked to her mom that she probably just doesn't like me, her mom was saying that it wasn't the case, and it sounded like she was about to say more, but she didn't, kinda weird, but hey what do you expect from your friend's parent, right. Anyway, I'm just annoyed over that. And the package she said she send to me, that one probably never going to get here either. I already know the drill. I lost count of how many time she said she sent me something and I never get any of them. Come to think of it, I never got my birthday presents from over a year ago and last year and also this year... (ok so I got those Crying Freeman comics, but that's it.) No christmas present either, guess I know how much I meant to her. Just words.

May 20, 2002

Status: just got out of shower
Listen: The Unchosen one [ Vertical Horizon ]

I've decided that I'm going to take that Karate class that I've always wanted to take. At first I thought about Taekwondo, but for some reason, Karate held more appeal to me, granted Chris takes Taekwondo, that doesn't mean I want to take that (though if there wasn't any karate class around to take I'll probably go for it) Same with the watch.. she likes her Fossil, I dislike the thing.. Anyway, it's not about her, it's about me. I picked up my stuff from school today, got AB for the fairytale got BC for the course, not bad really considered how little effort I put into it, except the fairytale, which I've written, the popups that took me 2-3 trials to get 'em up like they should, and also the chrome mirror paper that I burned the edges to go with the deckle edges on the papers... which stung the whole room and also the rubber cement that just gave me headaches. Well, it's over now and I'm glad. Tomorrow I'll go into the place and try 1 class, though I'm taking it, w or w/o the trial. I wanted to.

I am 20% evil.
Take the test ::

Status: it's near bedtime.. =D
Listen: the tv droning as usual

god why you want to play with me
can't you see I'm tumbling down
and like your favorite toy
boy, I'm tired of being thrown around

you lead me through this life of complication and delusion
so you drop it in my lap and slap me back towards confusion
when it's so hard to decide whether to live or die in this destiny
tell me what would you say if at the end of the day it was just you and me

smile away the fear that only seem to run me around
so you open up the door then the floor came crumbling down
I've only one or two dreams there worth losing
but they're unraveling, traveling down the road to ruin

and the harder I try the more I slip and slide through this fantasy
all by myself I need your help to perservere
but the same conclusions always greet me at my door
wouldn't it be nice to fade away
and maybe one day you will show me what went wrong
how did I become the unchosen one

so when the rain just around my corner
throw some sunshine down my way
and I'll hit your with a smile all the while my worries melt away

so won't you show me a sign as I continue to climb up this reality
all by myself I need your help to perservere
and the same conclusions always greet me at my door
wouldn't it be nice to fade away
and maybe one day you will show me what went wrong
so how did I become the unchosen one

[ Vertical Horizon: The Unchosen One ]

May 19, 2002

Status: drinking
Listen: Same Drug [ Cold ]

My dad should call me late tonight, he did last night, but I was otherwise occupied... I called him back, but unfortunately he went upstair to take a nap and there was my mom, not that I don't wanna talk to my mom, but there are stuffs she doesn't know and only my dad does, so I need to talk to him about them, other than that she just asked if I was ok, if I'm sick ya know.. mom's stuff. Ok, now decisions... katare? taekwondo? what do you think? Which one? I'm more incline to take karate.. don't ask me why, besides it's closer drive. (not by much, but closer nonetheless) I'm having my coca cola and I'm quite happy now.

Monou Fuuma

Formerly kind and a good friend, you've become a rather twisted person, with a love for blood and tears. But that's okay, because you're far more interesting, and your sadistic personality leads to loads of yaoi fun. You've also got a soft side, and occasionally decide to show it. Being able to sense people's wishes comes in handy too. You're generally pretty easy going, despite being a very obvious teenage sadist.

Take the "Which Dragon Of Earth Are You!" test!

by Maduin & Kira

Status: cold *brrrrrrrr*
Listen: nothing..

Well, new layout, it's about time anyway, and this is to stretch my creativity a little bit, final is over! I added a few new links other than that, will have to wait till tomorrow.. bed soon.. :)

May 18, 2002

Take the Which Utada Hikaru Song Are you? Quiz!

Status: a little cold
Listen: my MD

Well, it's finally over!!! I didn't do good at all on the exams, I think, but all I wanted is to pass them and that's it, so I don't really care. Anyway, it was raining this morning when I got up to go to school, I got home it was still raining, I took a nap... and guess what!! It SNOW!!! This is May, people, and it was snowing outside!!! Chris would just love this, I'm sure of it.

May 17, 2002

Status: just got back from school
Listen: nothing

Ok I don't think I did good on the exam, wait.. actually I know I didn't do good on the exam, I couldn't remember anything, I've spent so much time on the Baroque and not enough on 19th and 20th century. Oh well, as long as I get C in the course I don't care. I'm doing my laundry now, so I won't be going anywhere for the next hour or two. Well, tomorrow is science exam but I think I'll do something else before I start study for it. *yuck*

May 15, 2002

Status: confused
Listen: Predisposed [ Ill Nino ]

contemplating things in front of me,
I can't really see what I should do next
three different kind of knives
brush and glue

I'm building something
I'm making...

a book
a book of fairytale

first page

Once upon a time...

my fantasies...
my fairytales

wrote them down
wrote them backward
weren't meant to be read

maybe someday
maybe someway

once upon a time...
Status: watching something
Listen: With You [ Ill Nino ]

Fun! today I will spend putting the book together.. and before that I will have to run out and get some supplies.. (ya know.. 3M satin tapes and stuff..) Still debating if I wanna add the popup castle.. it'll be really nice but difficult. Anyway, gotta eat first.

Mirror, mirror on the wall....

Are you Addicted to the Internet?

56% (41% - 60%)
You seem to have a healthy balance in your life when it comes to the internet and life away from the computer. You know enough to do what you want online without looking like an idiot (most of the time). You even have your own Yahoo club or online journal! But you enjoy seeing your friends and going out to enjoy life away from your computer.

The Are you Addicted to the Internet? Quiz at!

mirror on the wall
tell me all that I need to know

a face
blue eyes
white smile

am I dreaming?
who is the person looking back
tell me

mirror on the wall
tell me all that I need

to know
who she is
those eyes

that smile
was it meant for me?
or I am just seeing what I wished to see

the thin line faded
seeing nothing
hearing nothing

mirror on the wall
tell me all that I need

will she see me?
when she look into the mirror
will her reflection be me

can you tell me
can you show me

can you show


mirror on the wall
Status: getting sleepy
Listen: nothing

Just finished with the 3D project, like I said before, they're not going to like it, but at the point, it's too late to do anything about it. And I finally figure out how to print the fairytale out. I wanted it to print out in mirror image, it wasn't meant to be read anyway. Though I'm pretty sure they will try. I can write that way by hand, but that would just take too much time, more time than I'd like to spend on this. I'd rather be making the rest of the book than spending time writing the story out, even though it wasn't long. I might put it here, though I wanted to say this. I've read a story somewhere, in a form of fairytale, and now that I can't find it anymore I used whatever part of the story that was left in my memory and write this. It's not same, but similar. I like the concept of the mirror as a lot of people that know me would agree.

May 14, 2002

Status: just pricked my finger with the needle *ouch!*
Listen: the TV droning on

Ok, I just pricked my finger twice. I'm actually putting together the paper sculpture, they won't like it, but I'm out of creative energy. Chris is coming!!! I'm quite happy at the prospect of seeing her and being able to hang out with her. I mailed out her stuff today and it should get to her in the next 2-3 days... and as I stated before.. it's not FAIR! I never get stuff in 2-3 days.. always longer. Postal Service doesn't like me. I have to get back to the paper now. Oh and I got the commenting system.. compliment of YACCS

May 13, 2002

Status: just contemplating life...
Listen: Star Gate on USA Network

I'm making the plan for the artist book, and I'm not the only one that didn't get them all finished. I'm trying to get the story to pan out over 10 pages... which is not the hardest part. The hard part would be how I'm going to set it up.. illustration and also the pop-up I wanna do for it. (Just 1 castle) Well, I guess I'll try making the castle. And see about the rest by tomorrow.. I'll also go into school and assemble the pieces together to make that 3d thing. They won't like it, but I don't care.
Status: ready for bed
Listen: nothing just the TV

Let's see, I won the bet, Angie didn't call me back, and she said she will. I think she assumed that it would mean Chris, that she will tell Chris to call me back, but what I meant was that for her to call me back, which is never! Anyway, she said she had till midnight, but it's past midnight. I won. Does that mean she owes me $5? I guess. But then, Angie doesn't have any money. Sucks! Why the hell did I agree to the bet. I need to get something... but I don't remember what, oh man! And tomorrow, have to go in to school and drop off the books and also the paper. Check on the stuff and see if I can assemble them and then I have to finish up the fairytale and then start assemble the artistbook. Busy, busy, busy.

Chris said that I actually scrared her. I guess it's because I never actually snapped at her like that before. I mean I do get all snappy, but not like this. I usually have a hell of a lot more self-control. It also because of the fact that she lives so far away and I don't get to talk to her often enough as it is, so if I get angry it won't mean much, she won't know, she won't see me. I don't make sense. Well, she'll be here. I thought I'd get to see her sooner, I guess I'll have to wait. I was gonna say if I could visit, but since she gonna be here.. what's the point of a visit. Well, there is, I get to see her a little more. Hey, just wishful thinking.. mine.

May 12, 2002

Status: tired, but that's kinda normal now
Listen: Somewhere Out There [ Our Lady Peace ]

Finished!!! Finally, I got the 4 page paper for History of Art done! It is actually for last Thursday but Dr. Cheney gave us extension for it till Monday at 4pm. Nice of her. Now I have 2 more things to get done, well, 2 finals as well. But This paper is the most stressful. Anyway, I spent today at home, my aunt finally bought the steam vac, she actually bought one over Christmas (I think it was Christmas present) but she returned it cause she couldn't figure out how to use it, according to her, I was away too, which is why she just return it. I don't quite get that, but ok.. Anyway, she bought it today cause come to think of it, it's cheaper than have someone come in and do it for you and definitely cheaper than renting the cleaner. Either way, it's all good. So, I ended up cleaning the carpet (she did half I did half) and tomorrow I'll clean my room, and then go out get stuff for mother's day (damn greeting cards company!)

Got new dvd player.. Toshiba 5 disc changer.. I'm fucking spoiled. Oh well, I intended for that Panasonic that is on sale.. but we ran into someone we know who works there and so he basically drag his friend/co worker over and asked which one would be best, besides it was on sale for about the same. Oh well, I'll be happy camper for a while, and I'll be happier when the final is over.

On the other note, Chris is coming to visit, well, so she said. I hadn't talk to her much in the past several weeks, first, she had her finals to study for, then I have my projects to do and finals to study for, which I still do. I got stressed out so much I was on really really reall short end of my usual self control ( I have a lot of those. ) And she pissed me off, so.. there.. and now I'm in a pretty good mood, she's just too busy partying, I guess if she's in a good enough mood to party then that's good. If she's happy, then I'm happy for her. Just one of those simple things in life (Yeah, and electronic toys!)

Anyway, we cleaned out the extra bedroom, another bed will be moved in there and then.. it'll be ready.

May 11, 2002

Status: tired as hell
Listen: just something on tv

What the hell is wrong with people!! Why the hell do they always forget things when it's convenient!!! I'm just about to blow! *scream* I'm too busy, too tired, and too depressed for this shit! I sware one of these days I will drink that damn bottle of liquid sizing and see if I'll die. That woulda make them happy, bloody hell!

May 09, 2002

Status: tired and sleepy, but at least I'm not hungry
Listen: nothing

Ok, I get AB in the course for Printmaking, which is good, cause I didn't even turn in my first project, but he didn't seem to care about it. I don't really work in class, actually I did! Just that when he saw me sitting around I usually waiting for my plate to get dry, the damn thing can take so long. Anyway, it's done! Now I have 1 paper to write which I'm going to get books for after I got out of science, cause I don't feel like dragging these books back to the car and have to run after the shuttle. Got the call number down anyway. And I still have to finish up my papermaking projects, I'm still deciding whether I should stay late today or come in tomorrow. Maybe I should just get the books and go home, write the paper and get it over with, then I'll worry about the papermaking. However, the paper takes some time to dry. Um... mine had been drying pretty fast so far though. Well, we'll see.

May 08, 2002

Which Royalty Are You? Find out! By Nishi.

Status: quite pleased
Listen: With You [ Ill Nino ]

last time I talked to you
you were lonely and out of place

you were looking down on me
lost out in space

laid underneath the stars,
strung out and feeling brave

watch the riddles glow,
watch them float away

down here in the atmosphere,
gabage and city lights
you gotta save your tired soul,
you gotta save our lives

turn on the radio,
to find you on sattellite,
I'm waiting for the sky to fall,
I'm waiting for a sign

all we are is all so far

you're falling back to me
the star that I can't see
I know you're out there
somewhere out there

you're falling out of reach
defying gravity
I know you're out there,
somewhere out there

hope you remember me
when you're homesick and need a change
I miss your purple hair
I miss the way you taste

I know you'll come back someday,
on a bed of nails awake
I'm praying that you don't burn out,
or fade away

all we are is all so far

you're falling back to me
the star that I can't see
I know you're out there
somewhere out there

you're falling out of reach,
defying gravity
I know you're out there
somewhere out there

you're falling back to me
the star that I can't see
I know you're out there
you're falling out of reach
defying gravity

I know you're out there
somewhere out there

[ Our Lady Peace: Somewhere Out There ]
Status: on break
Listen: my MD mix

I should be getting my stuff from my parents the end of this week or beginning of next week. Can't wait... it'll be so cool to have the play only unit so I don't have to take my player/rec unit around, my backpack always take abuse, true that I don't toss it to the floor or kick it like some would, but still... being in art classes meant there are always accident waiting to happen, as it already did with my e-wire Oakley And seeing how they don't have e-wire in store anymore I will either have to order them on their site, though I'm more inclinde to get c-wire at the moment (light, ice.) I bought the c-wire for Chris, but with dark frame (gunmetal, dark red lense.) Ruby looks good, but won't be on my face, beside I like blue so much better. Still, I like my e-wire. By the end of today we're over with Printmaking, I'm gonna miss that class, seeing how I spent so much time in it. And next worry will be the paper, I'll hammer it out at least half of it tonight and then I'll be worrying about papermaking and then science. (funny how science takes backseat, but that's just because I didn't like the class.) I can't wait for the classes and finals to be over, I'm dying for some break, been operating on very little sleep and a lot of worries. Weird dreams are common right now and the guilt trip isn't helping the matter. Oh well, life sucks and then you die.

May 07, 2002

Status: tired
Listen: nothing

I've spent most of the night last night at the printshop at school. We got 12 prints due on Wed. So I cut my papers (6 pieces, I did both prints on the same paper) And printed 6 of them last night. I managed to print another 6 today and just got done. I smell like paint now. And my hands are really dry (it's the oil) Anyway, at least I got that done and I'm going to check out a few books on Rodan so I can do my paper. Oh yeah, Blogger has been annoying lately, what's up with that.

May 06, 2002

Status: extremely exhausted
Listen: just the tv droning on

I just spent the afternoon in printshop and decided to come home and eat... I'm going back to school in a few min though. I have stuff to get done, today, tomorrow and then it's gonna be paper that I have to write and then finish up the papermaking projects. All I can think off right now is school stuff... I hung up on Chris last night, but she doesn't wanna hear me whine anyway, so I just got the hell off the phone. I'm tired and I can't really stop, not yet, not for a while.

May 05, 2002

Status: feeling like I should just drop to the floor and stay there
Listen: nothing just silence screaming in my head

I really don't know why I tried, or even wanting to talk to her anymore. It doesn't seem to worth the efford. She acted as if I asked for the world, but I don't, never did, forgive me for wanting just a little bit of your time. I'm not ok, and everything has been pilling up and I'm just afraid I'll get buried alive. No one wanted to hear me cry or scream, and so I just shut my mouth and swallow it down, before they tell me to shut up. I just want to get out of here, get away from all of this, but I can't. I'm stuck in this god forsaken place. They look for me when they wanted something. Learn to keep people away, I guess that's the best I can do.
Status: waiting
Listen: can't tell you

I saw Spiderman last night, kinda late and then Chris called. I called her back and guess what, she's in the party! Great! Why the fuck did she bother calling me? The disappearing act is getting old. And why the fuck did she say she gonna call back and didn't. If she didn't intend to then don' say anything! Just say bye and that's it! God, this is getting to be real old and I'm not sure I'm all that happy about anything anymore..

May 04, 2002

Status: dressed... what else can I tell you.
Listen: nothing at all

I spent yesterday afternoon doing laundry and also printing... I still need to work on that and I need to get to papermaking today too. Suck really, but what else can you do.

May 02, 2002

Status: in the library
Listen: What Comes Around [ Ill Nino ]

I'm sleepy, the weather is so perfect for sleeping today, at least I didn't fall asleep in Survey, that would be really bad, if I did. Though I'll bet a pretty good money that I'll fall asleep in science, he sounds so hypnotic most of the time anyway, and the weather like this, I won't be able to stay awake. So, I'm contemplating whether or not to go to class, though I really should. Well, I guess I'll go even if I'm not gonna listen to his lecture at all ( just sit there and stare blankly at the screen ) I was going to work on my print, but I didn't feel like it, so I didn't. And here I am!

May 01, 2002

Status: tired
Listen: Discovery Channel

I've just spent 3 hours in the papermaking lab, there was no one there! It was so good to be able to do all the stuff by myself. I hate when there are people, cause you have to wait for something, always. I pulled 10 sheets of paper that will become 20 in the book that I will make. Though it might not turn out to be 20, my Prof. said that we need at least 10, so I might end up with 16-17 or something. Anyway, I have to e-mail my sister, my parents are worried about her. God, she should know better.