Currently: sleepy
Doing: writing this blog, duh!
Well, we went to Boston today, I got to the bookstores that I wanted and then some. First it's the Japanese bookstore I got 1 artbook, I wanted the other one, but then I saw this for the longest time so I got it. Then I got another 2 books that will occupied me for a while. Then we went to Newbury St. and well, we walked from one end to the other (almost) then we came across this used bookstore, and I just couldn't help it, had to go in. (books!! can't you tell I love to read.) Anyway, we went up to the second floor cause that's where all the fictions are... and there was this girl. I thought she was really cute! She's totally my type, I... wow! Jamie was like.. I was waiting for you to say something. I asked if I was that obvious he said no, but he knows better and I usually dismissed just about everyone. Needless to say we'll be back there again, soon!
December 29, 2002
This is my December
This is my time of the year
This is my December
This is all so clear
This is my December
This is my snow covered home
This is my December
This is me alone
And I
Just wish that
I didn't feel
Like there was
Something I missed
And I
Take back all
The things I said
To make you
Feel like that
And I
Just wish that
I didn't feel
Like there was
Something I missed
And I
Take back all the
Things I said to you
And I give it all away
Just to have somewhere
To go to
Give it all away
To have someone
To come home to
This is my December
These are my snow covered dreams
This is me pretending
This is all I need
And I
Just wish that
I didn't feel
Like there was
Something I missed
And I
Take back all
The things I said
To make you feel like that
And I
Just wish that
I didn't feel
Like there was
Something I missed
And I
Take back all the things
I said to you
And I give it all away
Just to have
Somewhere to go to
Give it all away
To have someone
To come home to
This is my December
This is my time of the year
This is my December
This is all so clear
And I give it all away
Just to have somewhere
To go to
Give it all away
To have someone
To come home to
[ Linkin Park : My December ]
This is my song at the moment. Chris brought it to my attention, she said she wanted it, and I asked if it was the hint for me to go find it and she didn't say anything, but I went and got it anyway. Already sent her the mp3, it is a nice song. I just gave her a call and asked if I ever tell her how much I love her, apparently I never did, but she said it was ok, she already knew. Still, I should've told her, well I did now, so it's all good.
This is my time of the year
This is my December
This is all so clear
This is my December
This is my snow covered home
This is my December
This is me alone
And I
Just wish that
I didn't feel
Like there was
Something I missed
And I
Take back all
The things I said
To make you
Feel like that
And I
Just wish that
I didn't feel
Like there was
Something I missed
And I
Take back all the
Things I said to you
And I give it all away
Just to have somewhere
To go to
Give it all away
To have someone
To come home to
This is my December
These are my snow covered dreams
This is me pretending
This is all I need
And I
Just wish that
I didn't feel
Like there was
Something I missed
And I
Take back all
The things I said
To make you feel like that
And I
Just wish that
I didn't feel
Like there was
Something I missed
And I
Take back all the things
I said to you
And I give it all away
Just to have
Somewhere to go to
Give it all away
To have someone
To come home to
This is my December
This is my time of the year
This is my December
This is all so clear
And I give it all away
Just to have somewhere
To go to
Give it all away
To have someone
To come home to
[ Linkin Park : My December ]
This is my song at the moment. Chris brought it to my attention, she said she wanted it, and I asked if it was the hint for me to go find it and she didn't say anything, but I went and got it anyway. Already sent her the mp3, it is a nice song. I just gave her a call and asked if I ever tell her how much I love her, apparently I never did, but she said it was ok, she already knew. Still, I should've told her, well I did now, so it's all good.
Currently: trying to write
Doing: drinking coca cola
I behaved myself today, I really did. I figured the more I bitch and moan the more she will just push me away, besides if she decided to do it then nothing I say or do will make any different (doesn't mean I won't leave if it happens.) Anyway, I talked to her for a while today, and we had a good conversation, so I guess things get a bit better now. I didn't pick a fight and she didn't pick a fight, guess that work well. Her voice sounded like shit though.
Doing: drinking coca cola
I behaved myself today, I really did. I figured the more I bitch and moan the more she will just push me away, besides if she decided to do it then nothing I say or do will make any different (doesn't mean I won't leave if it happens.) Anyway, I talked to her for a while today, and we had a good conversation, so I guess things get a bit better now. I didn't pick a fight and she didn't pick a fight, guess that work well. Her voice sounded like shit though.
December 27, 2002
Currently: wanting to write
Doing: listening to a song..
I finally set up my new computer and the name is Deimos (panic) It's a nice little machine.. I love it! It'll give me something to occupy my thoughts for a while.. especially now that I can install all the crap that I got from a friend of mine.. it'll be great! I'm getting myself back into writing again, I have to. That is how I occupied myself a long time ago, before the Chris thing happened. The tragic saga continue.
Doing: listening to a song..
I finally set up my new computer and the name is Deimos (panic) It's a nice little machine.. I love it! It'll give me something to occupy my thoughts for a while.. especially now that I can install all the crap that I got from a friend of mine.. it'll be great! I'm getting myself back into writing again, I have to. That is how I occupied myself a long time ago, before the Chris thing happened. The tragic saga continue.
December 24, 2002
Currently: contemplating whether or not I should iron that shirt, too.
Doing: drinking another coke
Ok, tonight is the first time in a very long time I actually iron something.. (first time since I first attended the boarding school) Last time I need my khaki ironed Chris did it for me, I even told her that I'm domestically challenge.. and I think she had no doubt in her mind that I'm being serious. I can iron my clothes, but never feel the need, too. Usually I hang them up so I don't need to fuzz them with again later.. but this pair of Banana Republic khaki get really wrinkled when I fold them up (unlike my Gap ones or the Levi's) I figured I just get it over with. I can imagine how many people will be surprise.. I once know someone who could iron a really sharp crease in her jeans.. better yet the wind pants, do you know how hard that is?
Doing: drinking another coke
Ok, tonight is the first time in a very long time I actually iron something.. (first time since I first attended the boarding school) Last time I need my khaki ironed Chris did it for me, I even told her that I'm domestically challenge.. and I think she had no doubt in her mind that I'm being serious. I can iron my clothes, but never feel the need, too. Usually I hang them up so I don't need to fuzz them with again later.. but this pair of Banana Republic khaki get really wrinkled when I fold them up (unlike my Gap ones or the Levi's) I figured I just get it over with. I can imagine how many people will be surprise.. I once know someone who could iron a really sharp crease in her jeans.. better yet the wind pants, do you know how hard that is?
December 23, 2002
Currently: waking up
Doing: eating...
I got my new computer!!! WOOOOHOOOOOOOO!!!!! Well, 2 of 3 boxes anyway.. they did say that they might not all come together so.. I'm not worry, I can't set it up right now. Now that there's a new computer sitting in the garage... I'm considering a name... I used to name my comp, just so I can scream at it and not having to call it computer.. I'll call it Deimos. It'll be like the dog that I'll never get. I told Helga once that if I ever have a dog or two I'll call them Phobos and Deimos.. (fear and panic, nice huh..) And if I have a cat, which is never, he'll be white with odd eyes.. like one of the manga I've read. :) Mr. Poh with the spirit of a 25 year old guy inside to help fight the demons.. I'm rambling.. Just happy to see my Deimos.
Doing: eating...
I got my new computer!!! WOOOOHOOOOOOOO!!!!! Well, 2 of 3 boxes anyway.. they did say that they might not all come together so.. I'm not worry, I can't set it up right now. Now that there's a new computer sitting in the garage... I'm considering a name... I used to name my comp, just so I can scream at it and not having to call it computer.. I'll call it Deimos. It'll be like the dog that I'll never get. I told Helga once that if I ever have a dog or two I'll call them Phobos and Deimos.. (fear and panic, nice huh..) And if I have a cat, which is never, he'll be white with odd eyes.. like one of the manga I've read. :) Mr. Poh with the spirit of a 25 year old guy inside to help fight the demons.. I'm rambling.. Just happy to see my Deimos.
Currently: trying to read LotR
Doing: watching/lisntening to the tv
Surprise, surprise, Chris called today, it was nice. I've missed her so much for the past few weeks. Maybe I'm being paranoid, maybe I'm right, but at the moment I'm hoping for the first not the later. New layout, scanned the pic from the cover of Count Cain.. I love the manga! Hope it come out good.. right now though I'm sleepy. Elektra Sai went out on Friday (well, they said Monday, same different) She'll probably get it after Christmas, but hey.. Hellsing bust figures didn't come in yet, don't know when it will, but that was a part of her Christmas gift too.. so hope she's happy. I'm excessive.. Need to call father..
Doing: watching/lisntening to the tv
Surprise, surprise, Chris called today, it was nice. I've missed her so much for the past few weeks. Maybe I'm being paranoid, maybe I'm right, but at the moment I'm hoping for the first not the later. New layout, scanned the pic from the cover of Count Cain.. I love the manga! Hope it come out good.. right now though I'm sleepy. Elektra Sai went out on Friday (well, they said Monday, same different) She'll probably get it after Christmas, but hey.. Hellsing bust figures didn't come in yet, don't know when it will, but that was a part of her Christmas gift too.. so hope she's happy. I'm excessive.. Need to call father..
December 17, 2002
Currently: hurting..
Doing: looking for some stuff
Well, I have yet to get the photo from my friend and she didn't even call me back yet, so I don't know. Hopefully she gets the film develop.. I'll pay for the whole thing I don't care.. in the mean time I only have the unfinished project to show here It is, like I said before.. 70 pieces of 8"x8" squares, a portrait of Mon Ange I'm not sure she wanted me to call her that anymore, but what the hell. The finish piece is 6'8"x4'8" a good size.. My intructor asked if I would ever do it again.. I said yes.. and so he joked that we all should give me their picture and pay me to do it.. actually if someone willing to pay a good price I'll do it. No kidding, I need money that bad.. LOL.. At the moment I'm working on a logo.
Doing: looking for some stuff
Well, I have yet to get the photo from my friend and she didn't even call me back yet, so I don't know. Hopefully she gets the film develop.. I'll pay for the whole thing I don't care.. in the mean time I only have the unfinished project to show here It is, like I said before.. 70 pieces of 8"x8" squares, a portrait of Mon Ange I'm not sure she wanted me to call her that anymore, but what the hell. The finish piece is 6'8"x4'8" a good size.. My intructor asked if I would ever do it again.. I said yes.. and so he joked that we all should give me their picture and pay me to do it.. actually if someone willing to pay a good price I'll do it. No kidding, I need money that bad.. LOL.. At the moment I'm working on a logo.
December 11, 2002
Currently: exhausted, wishing the week would end, quickly
Doing: listening to What It Is To Burn by Finch
Well, we're almost done with senior studio, I didn't get home till like almost 8PM. It's been a really, really long day. I got my blue belt last night and I'm disappointed of not being able to go to the dojo today. Though I knew I won't be going.. it always drag on so long when it's presentation day. At least I'm done with mine and there is only 1 more class left, other than that I have 1 exam on the 18th, yup the day LotR : Two Towers is coming out.. will be good.
Today's on fire
The sky is beating above me, and I am blister
I walk these signs of blasphemy, every day
And still:
Like a bad star, I'm falling faster down to her
She's the only one who knows, what it is to burn
I feel diseased
Is there no sympathy, for the sun
The sky's still fire
But I am safe in here, from the world outside
So tell me
What's the price to pay for glory
Like a bad star, I'm falling faster down to her
She's the only one who knows, what it is to burn
Today is fine, and she burns
She burns
Like a bad star, I'm falling faster down to her
She's the only one who knows, what it is to burn
[ Finch : What It Is To Burn ]
Doing: listening to What It Is To Burn by Finch
Well, we're almost done with senior studio, I didn't get home till like almost 8PM. It's been a really, really long day. I got my blue belt last night and I'm disappointed of not being able to go to the dojo today. Though I knew I won't be going.. it always drag on so long when it's presentation day. At least I'm done with mine and there is only 1 more class left, other than that I have 1 exam on the 18th, yup the day LotR : Two Towers is coming out.. will be good.
Today's on fire
The sky is beating above me, and I am blister
I walk these signs of blasphemy, every day
And still:
Like a bad star, I'm falling faster down to her
She's the only one who knows, what it is to burn
I feel diseased
Is there no sympathy, for the sun
The sky's still fire
But I am safe in here, from the world outside
So tell me
What's the price to pay for glory
Like a bad star, I'm falling faster down to her
She's the only one who knows, what it is to burn
Today is fine, and she burns
She burns
Like a bad star, I'm falling faster down to her
She's the only one who knows, what it is to burn
[ Finch : What It Is To Burn ]
December 09, 2002
Ok, my presentation for senior studio is done! I'm so glad it's over with, Jeff liked it and that's all I was hoping for.. I put too much effort into this for him to hate it.. (didn't think he would anyway) I think what got him sold on this thing was the sheer size of it. People seemed to like it, I had to leave it up over night because I needed to run. It was already 6:30pm, had no choice, tomorrow I will be taking it down. Then I'll show it to Sensei Natalie, and after that it'll get pack and ship out to Chris. Now that she hates my gut.. I guess I can play game. No, not the emotional shit she's been playing with me, just the normal frustration... I'll take the picture of it before I take it down and I guess I'll post here.. maybe someone will pay me to make one for them.. LOL.
X : are you here to talk to me, or just to see if I'm breaking down
December 08, 2002
everything is so complex
everyday is like a test full of opsticals
that almost seem impossible
and I'm thinking just another breath not a minute left
how long have I been drinking?
pass the glass pint hit the flash light now break it
people say I'm a star but I still think I'll never make it
and I'm thinking just another prayer not a second left
I feel there's something missing
sometimes I hate that chaos surrounds me when all the answer I see go around me
am I drowning
am I fading away
or am I living up to all your dreams that made me this way
am I drowning
I've been to hell and back looking for the answer to life
looking at myself trying to get things right
and I'm feeling just another breath not a minute left
I feel the darkness lifting
there was a time
that I questioned if I'd ever be alright
running getting high staying trapped by sleepless nights
and I'm thinking just another breath not a minute left
I feel there's something missing
I'm running from myself and all the things I don't like
living every night like it's the last night
and I'm thinking just another prayer not a second left
I need to stop resisting
sometimes I hate that chaos surrounds me when all the answer I see go around me
am I drowning
am I fading away
or am I living up to all your dreams that made me this way
am I drowning
drowning in the drama lost in the lies trapped by the currents of life caught in the rip tides
am I drowning
[ Crazy Town : Drowning ]
everyday is like a test full of opsticals
that almost seem impossible
and I'm thinking just another breath not a minute left
how long have I been drinking?
pass the glass pint hit the flash light now break it
people say I'm a star but I still think I'll never make it
and I'm thinking just another prayer not a second left
I feel there's something missing
sometimes I hate that chaos surrounds me when all the answer I see go around me
am I drowning
am I fading away
or am I living up to all your dreams that made me this way
am I drowning
I've been to hell and back looking for the answer to life
looking at myself trying to get things right
and I'm feeling just another breath not a minute left
I feel the darkness lifting
there was a time
that I questioned if I'd ever be alright
running getting high staying trapped by sleepless nights
and I'm thinking just another breath not a minute left
I feel there's something missing
I'm running from myself and all the things I don't like
living every night like it's the last night
and I'm thinking just another prayer not a second left
I need to stop resisting
sometimes I hate that chaos surrounds me when all the answer I see go around me
am I drowning
am I fading away
or am I living up to all your dreams that made me this way
am I drowning
drowning in the drama lost in the lies trapped by the currents of life caught in the rip tides
am I drowning
[ Crazy Town : Drowning ]
Currently: exhausted
Doing: watching the movie, Kiss The Girl
I just finished the senior studio project, finally... 62 pieces without the ones that are completely blank.. altogether it's 70 pieces, made up an image of 6'8" x 4'8" portrait. I'm down in the gutter right now, but there isn't much I can do, about anything except trying to get things done for each classes. I've spent Thur afternoon writing 3 page comparison paper that I had no idea it was due that day, at least I got it done, and this Mon it's senior studio presentation, means tomorrow I will have to go in and then set it up on some wall and then work on my Typography book, so I can get to be printed at Kinko's I refuse to have to deal with the printer at school. And I refuse to bound the book by hand like I did before... too much to do. Then I will have to do the project for Comp Art 2 class.. yup I have my plate full right now. I need to get some sleep so I can get up and go to school to do those things tomorrow, or rather get as much done as I possibly could.
Mon Ange I know you would never read my blog and for that I am glad, but by an off chance that you might, I just wanted to say that I do love you. I love you the only way I know what love to be and as much as my cold black little heart could love anyone. And even though I know you would never love me... I am terrified of losing you. Promise is a promise is a promise, I've never broken a promise before and not about to, now.
Doing: watching the movie, Kiss The Girl
I just finished the senior studio project, finally... 62 pieces without the ones that are completely blank.. altogether it's 70 pieces, made up an image of 6'8" x 4'8" portrait. I'm down in the gutter right now, but there isn't much I can do, about anything except trying to get things done for each classes. I've spent Thur afternoon writing 3 page comparison paper that I had no idea it was due that day, at least I got it done, and this Mon it's senior studio presentation, means tomorrow I will have to go in and then set it up on some wall and then work on my Typography book, so I can get to be printed at Kinko's I refuse to have to deal with the printer at school. And I refuse to bound the book by hand like I did before... too much to do. Then I will have to do the project for Comp Art 2 class.. yup I have my plate full right now. I need to get some sleep so I can get up and go to school to do those things tomorrow, or rather get as much done as I possibly could.
Mon Ange I know you would never read my blog and for that I am glad, but by an off chance that you might, I just wanted to say that I do love you. I love you the only way I know what love to be and as much as my cold black little heart could love anyone. And even though I know you would never love me... I am terrified of losing you. Promise is a promise is a promise, I've never broken a promise before and not about to, now.
December 02, 2002
Currently: hurting and trying not to think too much
Doing: nothing, just thinking..
Well, I regretted this trip, the first two days were great, I've seen more of her than I ever have before, but then... well, let's just say, me flying 1200 miles to see her doesn't mean jack! She said that she actually have to blow some people off to be with me, why is that? Why is it such an effort to spend time with me, when I'm the one that have to spend the money and time traveling to be here. She said she knew that I will write her off and I'm doing everything I could to make it easier for me. And that would be wrong? She would never understand how much it hurts, she had never been in the place I am in now.. she said off all her friends I only accepted Mike, of course I accepted Mike, he knew what I am going through, he knew and he understood, and he tried to be a comfort to me and at the same time, he is hurting just as much as I am. If he was a girl, I told him, I would date him, definitely. He was so drunk last night that he came up, gave me a hug and told me that he loved me and he cared about me and she is not worth the suffering that we both going through. He said that he told her someone somewhere is going to say fuck it, I had enough and leave, and she will have to meet me half way or that will happen. I can't say for sure right now, I am exhausted. I made 2 promises that maybe I shouldn't have. 1. I promise to try to deal with how I am feeling. 2. I promise not to write her off. I shouldn't, but I did. It's all I can do right now anyway. I told her I do not want to feel anymore, just stop, just want to stop. If she can have it her way I will always be right where I am till the end of time. That I cannot be.
Doing: nothing, just thinking..
Well, I regretted this trip, the first two days were great, I've seen more of her than I ever have before, but then... well, let's just say, me flying 1200 miles to see her doesn't mean jack! She said that she actually have to blow some people off to be with me, why is that? Why is it such an effort to spend time with me, when I'm the one that have to spend the money and time traveling to be here. She said she knew that I will write her off and I'm doing everything I could to make it easier for me. And that would be wrong? She would never understand how much it hurts, she had never been in the place I am in now.. she said off all her friends I only accepted Mike, of course I accepted Mike, he knew what I am going through, he knew and he understood, and he tried to be a comfort to me and at the same time, he is hurting just as much as I am. If he was a girl, I told him, I would date him, definitely. He was so drunk last night that he came up, gave me a hug and told me that he loved me and he cared about me and she is not worth the suffering that we both going through. He said that he told her someone somewhere is going to say fuck it, I had enough and leave, and she will have to meet me half way or that will happen. I can't say for sure right now, I am exhausted. I made 2 promises that maybe I shouldn't have. 1. I promise to try to deal with how I am feeling. 2. I promise not to write her off. I shouldn't, but I did. It's all I can do right now anyway. I told her I do not want to feel anymore, just stop, just want to stop. If she can have it her way I will always be right where I am till the end of time. That I cannot be.