Listening : And All That Could Have Been [ NIN ]

I saw Cold Creek Manor.. kinda disappointed. Though I never did have much expectation going into a movie, learned a long time ago that high expectation was never really met, as long as I enjoy it, it's all good. Anyway, it would've been a good movie if they give more history where it is due. But they didn't, it's a big leap we gotta make while watching and assuming, maybe it was just me, I'm not sure.

She called tonight. I didn't expect it to be here, I really did not. I didn't really care that she doesn't call, cause I'm not calling her. I had my slips a few times, but then I remember why and I hung up. I don't know if she notice that I don't talk about anything important with her, nothing with content, nothing that you have a conversation over, just small talk and a lot of babbling, and she usually just listen. Maybe she did notice, but considered it a good thing when I didn't tell her to fuck off and hung up. I don't know. This is not really working, but I guess as long as I'm still here it was all good in her world.

Psy said it was probably because I miss her, and yes I do miss her. I just could not do what I've done for almost 5 years, be her doormat.

Occasionally I just wanna move to some island that has no one else just me and my computer and internet connection.

'if death is my gift, then can I return it?'