upset? understatement of the century, but then I've been avoiding the thinking, I don't want to think. No thinking, no feeling, stuff it all back inside put it away, pretend it doesn't exist and it might just go away eventually. In the mean time just got to grit my teeth and keep going like nothing is wrong. Because I've been thinking way too much, speak of it too little and, but that's just how it is. Upset? Well, can you be upset if you are not feeling anything and been kind of numb all the way through? Busy, keeping busy, the best way to go. The only way to go. Depressing much? Yeah well, what else is new, depression is my badge, after all (besides from bruises I got from training, of course) But then I've been told that before.

My good day turned right into dust, had it not hurt then I would've found it quite amusing. Definitely, I would.. just how much of a push-over for one person can I be. Maybe I'm stupid, lesson learned? Never. Same thing over and over again. Definition of insanity, do the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result. Is that me? I'm guessing. What do you do when there is no one to tell, no one that would understand anyway. Can't explain it, don't really understand it myself, everything that happened, everything that's been going on, it just is. Automatically except, no question. Just need a place to vent...

And still I burn, I burn for you.