Listening: Understanding [ Evanescence ]

I think I've been shutting myself away more than I've been. Depressed? I don't think I am, but hey I can't really tell when I spent most of that alone time reading or working on my project. I can't wait to get out of here and my parents are... well, they are getting old and I've been away for 7 years now, time for me to go home. I can only grit my teeth and tell myself that I'll go home soon. Then another thing hit me, 3 years and all I've done, we're falling apart. It's like I'm invisible to her, and maybe I am. Seems to be the last on her list, always. Like I'm just a nobody. Guess when it's time for me to leave then there won't be anything left to even make me feel bad for leaving. Psy doesn't want me to, and that's very sweet of her, but does anyone else care? Tomorrow (or rather today) I'll have to go into the dojo in the morning, Sensei Natalie asked if I could come in, and seeing how I need to do something I said ok.. though it'll be much earlier than I would get up normally during the weekend. But I need for someone to take a look at my form before Sunday, and this way maybe Sensei Al could take a look. I'll probably be there for an hour and come home to crash. Sunday is tournament, hopefully it'll be bigger than the last one I was at. Sensei Al said it should be, I hope so. This time I'll go by myself so I can watch till the end, last time I couldn't cause Uncle George was practically asleep on his feet, I felt bad so I stayed long enough for weapon kata and we left. This time I wanna see black belt sparring as well. Oh well, we'll see.

'Have you ever just been?'

'Been what?'

'No what. Just been. To just find the perfect person for you, someone that makes you feel completely different. To just be with that person and not think about anything at all, not sex, or words, or feelings. Absolutely nothing. To look at a person and just think how much you want to hold them in your arms, to prove to yourself that they're real. It's like, if they're there, then there's no one else in the world. There's just you and them and nothing else. No thoughts, no words, no problems. Just sheer contentment. Pure happiness to just take the person into your arms and hold them for the rest of your lives. To just be.'

'What are you trying to say, Faith?'

'With you I feel like I can just be.'

[ Faith and Buffy | Chance In Hell by Ophelia C. ]