Currently: hurting and trying not to think too much
Doing: nothing, just thinking..

Well, I regretted this trip, the first two days were great, I've seen more of her than I ever have before, but then... well, let's just say, me flying 1200 miles to see her doesn't mean jack! She said that she actually have to blow some people off to be with me, why is that? Why is it such an effort to spend time with me, when I'm the one that have to spend the money and time traveling to be here. She said she knew that I will write her off and I'm doing everything I could to make it easier for me. And that would be wrong? She would never understand how much it hurts, she had never been in the place I am in now.. she said off all her friends I only accepted Mike, of course I accepted Mike, he knew what I am going through, he knew and he understood, and he tried to be a comfort to me and at the same time, he is hurting just as much as I am. If he was a girl, I told him, I would date him, definitely. He was so drunk last night that he came up, gave me a hug and told me that he loved me and he cared about me and she is not worth the suffering that we both going through. He said that he told her someone somewhere is going to say fuck it, I had enough and leave, and she will have to meet me half way or that will happen. I can't say for sure right now, I am exhausted. I made 2 promises that maybe I shouldn't have. 1. I promise to try to deal with how I am feeling. 2. I promise not to write her off. I shouldn't, but I did. It's all I can do right now anyway. I told her I do not want to feel anymore, just stop, just want to stop. If she can have it her way I will always be right where I am till the end of time. That I cannot be.