Status: Still depressed
Listen: Porcelain [ Moby ]

After beating the hell out of the punching bag with 'Forever Won't Be Long Enough' by Live in my ears and freezing cold temp of the garage I still feel the depression. A friend told me not to wear it like a badge, and I don't, sometimes it just can't helped. Last night I freaked out over the fact that I couldn't find that piece of paper that I had my friend's number written on, and I nearly trashed my room for it. At that moment my med was starting to kick in and I felt disconnected, my skin tingled and had anyone touch me I would've lash out. Took me a while to settled down and I decided to get back online, hoping someone would be on to talk to me for a while settle me down and so I can calm myself enough to go to sleep. Well, Grace was on and after babbled for a while the med was kicking in full force and I had to leave even though I'm not calm enough. Times like that I just want someone to be here for me for a change. I'm tired of everything. I hate pretending everything is all right, not that anyone would care to stop me and ask. Everyone got a life and I pretend I have one. Maybe in a few minutes I will have to go to the garage again and tired myself out with the punching bag.

'tell me the truth you never wanted me'

Status: Depressed
Listen: Living Dead Girl [ Rob Zombie ]

Had the weirdest dream last night, nothing could be worse than having an ex in your dream, in my opinion. It's snowing outside. One good thing today: Metis updated her Ivanova is Captain page with new chapter of Eurydice. That was probably a sign for me to start writing.

Have you ever wake up in the morning looking up the ceiling of your room and wonder what the hell you're doing? And why are you here in the first place? Kinda like a misplaced toy, that someone placed on the wrong shelving unit. Disconnected. And you nudged yourself from the damn thought and got up, so you could keep yourself busy enough that you don't have the time to remember what you felt like when you woke up. Then you hope that you won't wake up with the same feeling and thoughts the next day.

[ X: back to the writing ]