Which X/1999 characters are you?

Quiz made by Chesa

Currently: waking up
Doing: eating...

I got my new computer!!! WOOOOHOOOOOOOO!!!!! Well, 2 of 3 boxes anyway.. they did say that they might not all come together so.. I'm not worry, I can't set it up right now. Now that there's a new computer sitting in the garage... I'm considering a name... I used to name my comp, just so I can scream at it and not having to call it computer.. I'll call it Deimos. It'll be like the dog that I'll never get. I told Helga once that if I ever have a dog or two I'll call them Phobos and Deimos.. (fear and panic, nice huh..) And if I have a cat, which is never, he'll be white with odd eyes.. like one of the manga I've read. :) Mr. Poh with the spirit of a 25 year old guy inside to help fight the demons.. I'm rambling.. Just happy to see my Deimos.

Currently: trying to read LotR
Doing: watching/lisntening to the tv

Surprise, surprise, Chris called today, it was nice. I've missed her so much for the past few weeks. Maybe I'm being paranoid, maybe I'm right, but at the moment I'm hoping for the first not the later. New layout, scanned the pic from the cover of Count Cain.. I love the manga! Hope it come out good.. right now though I'm sleepy. Elektra Sai went out on Friday (well, they said Monday, same different) She'll probably get it after Christmas, but hey.. Hellsing bust figures didn't come in yet, don't know when it will, but that was a part of her Christmas gift too.. so hope she's happy. I'm excessive.. Need to call father..

Currently: hurting..
Doing: looking for some stuff

Well, I have yet to get the photo from my friend and she didn't even call me back yet, so I don't know. Hopefully she gets the film develop.. I'll pay for the whole thing I don't care.. in the mean time I only have the unfinished project to show here It is, like I said before.. 70 pieces of 8"x8" squares, a portrait of Mon Ange I'm not sure she wanted me to call her that anymore, but what the hell. The finish piece is 6'8"x4'8" a good size.. My intructor asked if I would ever do it again.. I said yes.. and so he joked that we all should give me their picture and pay me to do it.. actually if someone willing to pay a good price I'll do it. No kidding, I need money that bad.. LOL.. At the moment I'm working on a logo.

Currently: exhausted, wishing the week would end, quickly
Doing: listening to What It Is To Burn by Finch

Well, we're almost done with senior studio, I didn't get home till like almost 8PM. It's been a really, really long day. I got my blue belt last night and I'm disappointed of not being able to go to the dojo today. Though I knew I won't be going.. it always drag on so long when it's presentation day. At least I'm done with mine and there is only 1 more class left, other than that I have 1 exam on the 18th, yup the day LotR : Two Towers is coming out.. will be good.

Today's on fire
The sky is beating above me, and I am blister
I walk these signs of blasphemy, every day
And still:

Like a bad star, I'm falling faster down to her
She's the only one who knows, what it is to burn

I feel diseased
Is there no sympathy, for the sun
The sky's still fire
But I am safe in here, from the world outside

So tell me
What's the price to pay for glory

Like a bad star, I'm falling faster down to her
She's the only one who knows, what it is to burn

Today is fine, and she burns
She burns

Like a bad star, I'm falling faster down to her
She's the only one who knows, what it is to burn

[ Finch : What It Is To Burn ]

truth is I'm terrified of losing you

Ok, my presentation for senior studio is done! I'm so glad it's over with, Jeff liked it and that's all I was hoping for.. I put too much effort into this for him to hate it.. (didn't think he would anyway) I think what got him sold on this thing was the sheer size of it. People seemed to like it, I had to leave it up over night because I needed to run. It was already 6:30pm, had no choice, tomorrow I will be taking it down. Then I'll show it to Sensei Natalie, and after that it'll get pack and ship out to Chris. Now that she hates my gut.. I guess I can play game. No, not the emotional shit she's been playing with me, just the normal frustration... I'll take the picture of it before I take it down and I guess I'll post here.. maybe someone will pay me to make one for them.. LOL.

X : are you here to talk to me, or just to see if I'm breaking down

everything is so complex
everyday is like a test full of opsticals
that almost seem impossible

and I'm thinking just another breath not a minute left
how long have I been drinking?

pass the glass pint hit the flash light now break it
people say I'm a star but I still think I'll never make it

and I'm thinking just another prayer not a second left
I feel there's something missing

sometimes I hate that chaos surrounds me when all the answer I see go around me
am I drowning
am I fading away
or am I living up to all your dreams that made me this way
am I drowning

I've been to hell and back looking for the answer to life
looking at myself trying to get things right

and I'm feeling just another breath not a minute left
I feel the darkness lifting

there was a time
that I questioned if I'd ever be alright
running getting high staying trapped by sleepless nights

and I'm thinking just another breath not a minute left
I feel there's something missing

I'm running from myself and all the things I don't like
living every night like it's the last night

and I'm thinking just another prayer not a second left
I need to stop resisting

sometimes I hate that chaos surrounds me when all the answer I see go around me
am I drowning
am I fading away
or am I living up to all your dreams that made me this way
am I drowning

drowning in the drama lost in the lies trapped by the currents of life caught in the rip tides

am I drowning

[ Crazy Town : Drowning ]

Currently: exhausted
Doing: watching the movie, Kiss The Girl

I just finished the senior studio project, finally... 62 pieces without the ones that are completely blank.. altogether it's 70 pieces, made up an image of 6'8" x 4'8" portrait. I'm down in the gutter right now, but there isn't much I can do, about anything except trying to get things done for each classes. I've spent Thur afternoon writing 3 page comparison paper that I had no idea it was due that day, at least I got it done, and this Mon it's senior studio presentation, means tomorrow I will have to go in and then set it up on some wall and then work on my Typography book, so I can get to be printed at Kinko's I refuse to have to deal with the printer at school. And I refuse to bound the book by hand like I did before... too much to do. Then I will have to do the project for Comp Art 2 class.. yup I have my plate full right now. I need to get some sleep so I can get up and go to school to do those things tomorrow, or rather get as much done as I possibly could.

Mon Ange I know you would never read my blog and for that I am glad, but by an off chance that you might, I just wanted to say that I do love you. I love you the only way I know what love to be and as much as my cold black little heart could love anyone. And even though I know you would never love me... I am terrified of losing you. Promise is a promise is a promise, I've never broken a promise before and not about to, now.

Currently: hurting and trying not to think too much
Doing: nothing, just thinking..

Well, I regretted this trip, the first two days were great, I've seen more of her than I ever have before, but then... well, let's just say, me flying 1200 miles to see her doesn't mean jack! She said that she actually have to blow some people off to be with me, why is that? Why is it such an effort to spend time with me, when I'm the one that have to spend the money and time traveling to be here. She said she knew that I will write her off and I'm doing everything I could to make it easier for me. And that would be wrong? She would never understand how much it hurts, she had never been in the place I am in now.. she said off all her friends I only accepted Mike, of course I accepted Mike, he knew what I am going through, he knew and he understood, and he tried to be a comfort to me and at the same time, he is hurting just as much as I am. If he was a girl, I told him, I would date him, definitely. He was so drunk last night that he came up, gave me a hug and told me that he loved me and he cared about me and she is not worth the suffering that we both going through. He said that he told her someone somewhere is going to say fuck it, I had enough and leave, and she will have to meet me half way or that will happen. I can't say for sure right now, I am exhausted. I made 2 promises that maybe I shouldn't have. 1. I promise to try to deal with how I am feeling. 2. I promise not to write her off. I shouldn't, but I did. It's all I can do right now anyway. I told her I do not want to feel anymore, just stop, just want to stop. If she can have it her way I will always be right where I am till the end of time. That I cannot be.

Currently: half asleep
Doing: trying to mark the track on my MD

Well, I got here last night (MO I mean) and my bag did not get here with me!! So, now I'm in the pj bottom that I'd given her when she visited me at the end of August, which was fine... I've just spent the last hour waiting to talk to the baggage claim about the file number and when the bag will get here... it could be here by noon, or later.. it's a pisser, but anyway I just need my stuff so I can actually get dress, right now if I shower I'll still stay in the clothe that I slept in.. which is ok I guess don't think I will need to go anywhere till late in the day. Let's just hope my project did not get crushed, because I would never be able to make up 40 something pieces of that in a week and make the rest that still need to be done. I won't have energy... bending over those things to cut for too long will kill me. Oh well, life stinks!!

Currently: getting ready for the trip
Doing: watching the making of LotR

I'll be going to MO again on Tue, and well, my dufflebag will still be in use for my karate class till Monday night, so as of right now I cannot empty it and pack, so I'll be packing on Monday night and I'll be skipping Tue morning class.. not that I care too much about that one. As of right now I'm looking forward to it.. I wasn't sure if I was excited about that before, though. Had a conversation with her last night.. um.. not so much of conversation when it's just her talking and me listening. She was giving me the summary of what had been happening to her and such. Then at the end of it she managed to give me crap about me, that I'm almost always depress and she cannot be with someone like that, well, guess what, didn't think it'll happen anyway, but it still annoying. I just told her that she doesn't know that I am depressed or not and how often, so just stop and go on with the story (basically told her to shut the hell up.) Anyway, I'm too busy for that, I'm going to the dojo at least 4-5 times a week for class and sparring, and it's school, home, school, dojo then after that I'm just too tired to do much. I can honestly say that she doesn't really know me anymore.

Ok, by the end of November and beginning of December it might be the last chapter of this insane relationship, if we could even call it a relationship, more like the usage.. me being used that is. Used and abused aren't they what she does best. sick and tired of it. All the lies, the worse thing I think people could do is lie and more lies and more lies, this thing base on nothing but deceit.

Currently: working on the project
Doing: listening to the tv

I got Hellsing : Search and Destroy yesterday and I want to say this.. Integral Wingates Hellsing I think I'm in love!! I'm loving it and can't wait for the next one that will come out in Dec. I think I'll get the manga, even though they will be in Japanese, I don't mind, I'm sure I can find translation or a friend who could translate for me.. (Noriko came to mind) Anyway, I did the quiz which character in Hellsing are you and I am Arucard.. except after I took the quiz I couldn't get on blogger.. Oh well, I'll do it again and then post it, I guess. I'm off to bed tomorrow will be going to school to work on the project with Karen.. actually Karen asked becasue she didn't wanna do it by herself in the studio and it was fine with me, so I'll go..

X : and with my one last gasping breath, I'd apologize for bleeding on your shirt

Currently: in my Typography class
Doing: waiting for the other half

I finally got the Bring Me To Life by Evanescence finally. 3 nights of just sit there searching and waiting, hope she's happy now! It was just a waste of time... Anyway, now I'm printing the other half of my poster, and that will be that. I hope.

Currently: getting bored
Doing: trying to fine mp3

So, she got online last night, not bother to call me back when she said she would, well, I guess I'm that important. But you know I'm just well.. what my writer self would write down... resign in defeat. What else to say.. I'm lost, out of the running as she would put it, even though she said that I'm not. Asking me for time, why?? She didn't need time from me, it will be too much of a promise and we can't have that, can we? A latest favor was 'Bring Me To Life' by Evanescence a song from Daredevil Soundtrack. And all she gave me was a song from the movie Daredevil. Awoman sings it, sounded a bit like Linkin Park and from that I got the title, the bandname, and she wanted me to find mp3 for her, and I'm trying... we'll see.

Guess what?!?! Today session was sparring, and so.. we did a little bit of flag tag and also blade sparring, well, the usual, Dimitri won.. But I did get both of the flags from him once!! Hey, he had been winning ever since we started, so it's about time, but anyway, I'm quite happy, even though it took getting him tired out! LOL

Currently: listening to a new song..
Doing: waiting to tape Bird of Prey

I don't watch that, but someone else does.. of course I don't even know if she still wants me to tape it and I shouldn't even be such a pushover for her anymore.. I said I'll get over it when what I wanted to say was I'll get over you. I don't think the thought has ever cross her mind that I could get over her, or even want to try. Anyway, I got 2 new kenpos today.. inter. A and B. I still need to work on the leg sweep, hawk from the front and then pull from the back, though it's really cool, I think Alex dropped for me, which is all right for now. Oh well, I need a new ear ring.. need to get this barbell one out, oh well, before the trip I suppose.

and all I need to know, is that I'm something you'll be missin

Currently: very tired, and I mean very very tired...
Doing: more of the project.

I got about 20 pieces out of the 70 pieces that I needed to do to complete the image, well, 7 pieces of those are just solid black so I actually will be doing 63 panels. It is done to impress, I guess.. hopefully when it is complete it'll still recognizable as the person I intended to be. It would be really bad if it didn't because she'll get it when it is done and went through the crit. Anyway, I'm tired, bruised and headache. Been having headche for 4 day straight.... this will just increase my usual mobidity (is there such a word??) At the moment I won't mind getting hit over the head and knock me out cold...

why don't you tell me we would never be, tell me that I'm not the one. Say that I'm just another friend, only friend. And maybe that would've been better, give me time, let me say goodbye.

'I will meet the sorrow that is mine. I know what can and cannot be.'
Allegra: Love Spell

I finally got the book that I've wanted. I had it before, a gift, but it had been returned to the original owner. Well, now I have a copy. I went to see The Ring last night with Jamie.. and wow! That was good, though I probably will only see it once, more than that it loses its charm (if you could call it that) Though the main character is quite.. um... easy on the eye. (so I like blonde blue eyes... so sue me.) I've spent today reading alternate with cutting the mattboard up.. 1 big mattboard gives me 20 8"x8" sq. so now I have 40 and I still need another 30 for this thing to complete in size.. and after that it's the dance that we all familiar with.. trying to fit things and make it work. My black gi came in, but I have no money till next week, so I told my sensei that I'll give her the money for it on Friday she said not to worry about it. She said she'll arrange for the seminar on weapon for January probably, probably sword.. I wouldn't mind learning the form for sai though.

Currently: my nose all stuffy...
Doing: trying to breathe.

I need to know if you were real
cause I've been known to get it wrong
when the memory comes
I'll say I'm always in the dark
you got me now

I want to give you back
somewhere out of here
I want to give you
I want to give you back

I can't remember how it went
you looked like everything I wanted
and as you came along
slowly everything began to change
I got you now

that's enough
just talking about it
I don't mind
I don't mind no I
laugh enough
just dreaming about it

I need to know if you were real
I'd hate to think that I've been fooled again
and as the vision fades
I'll say I was blinded by your eyes
I felt them burn

[ Vertical Horizon : Give You Back ]