Status: needed...
Listen: Whole [ Flaw ]

here is where I wanted to say, I don't know.

I don't know why I am still here. I don't know why I still hanging around when all that had been happening giving me nothing but grieve. Sure there were moments that I was happy, but it was rare enough. I don't know what started this, maybe it's her, maybe it's me, maybe it's us. We both started it, and one of us backed off... and left, but that 'one' wasn't me. I don't know why it is her and not someone else. It could've been so many other people, except the fact that I don't look around, I don't feel the need to have someone in my life, didn't feel that before and I don't now, and probably won't for a long time, except I wanted her. I don't know how we got to this point. It seemed to be just all fun for her, just that, it all dragged on and I let it. I don't know what make me stay. I don't know why I didn't just leave. I should've left a long time ago when she backed out the first time, traded me off for someone else. Someone she said that she thought has the similar personality as my own. That would be trading off. Excuse like that doesn't make me feel any better. I don't know why she did what she did and I don't know what she is thinking. I'd like to but unable. I can never guess what she wanted at any given time. And no matter how many times I try, I still couldn't fathom it. I don't know what she wants, or what I want for that matter only that she is a part of it, but I don't know what I am to her. Maybe I am just a safe place, someone she could come to without the fear of getting hurt, because I would never willingly hurt her, emotionally, mentally, or physically. But when it is time for me to leave, to just go, then I won't be worry about that. Though it will hurt me more than it will ever hurt her.

A friend said ... if she cares then should that not be enough. It would be enough, for a while. A long while, maybe. But eventually it will not be. Eventually even I will feel the need for more and what then?