March 22, 2002

Status: waiting for laundry
Listen: nothing right now just me sucking on ice pop

Continue...

I was never told that it was time for me to leave, though the situation called for that once. When I suddenly turned into some undesirable, and there was someone else, someone that came after me, but got there first due to partially, the fault of my own. But how would I know that, how could I know that her mind could be so quick to change. One moment it was me, all me and the next I am no longer the concern, not even how I would feel. Like mentioning a weather 'we are involved' I could imagine her saying 'it's nice out today' in the exact same tone and expression. Like I wasn't worthy of the attention, that little bit of handling it should take. Or is the fact that she had just broke my heart was so insignificant that the explanation was such a waste of time?

Saying the words are not as important as showing it, for me, I would rather not saying anything and let the action show itself. But for her it seems that the words are all I ever going to get. Seems like a big waste of time, knowing the out come, but staying to see it to the end. Maybe I shouldn't, maybe knowing the out come is enough and not having to wait to actually see it through. How much pain and suffering is it going to take? How long should I let myself endure all of this? Decisions that I need to make, still in consideration...

[ X: we live for desires eternally ]

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