April 23, 2002

Status: thumb, hurts
Listen: Law&Order on tv

sometimes I think that nothing I did ever matter to the one that matters to me most. Nothing I did was ever good enough, even though they told me differently. But if what I did matters, why did they leave? Why was I the one that got tossed aside? They said I mean so much to them, and that I have no idea how much they love me, if that is so, why is it that my feelings got discarded so easily? It is still puzzling to me, when I know that there's another, but they talked as if there's no one else. You and me -- I was told -- will always be together. But that is still remain to be seen, isn't it.

Promises, promises. Spoke. Made. Unkept.

How many words have been spoken? How many are true? I can't tell. So much information throwing my way. Jumbled, disarrayed. So much to process, so much to understand. Truth, lies, perceptions differences.

Like two realities, neither were wrong, just different.

So I have to look for the truth in the middle. But how can I do that? I don't know where the middle is. I don't know where I stand and I don't know where the lie ends and truth begins.

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